So I came across a Quirk pocket book today: "Stuff Every Mom Should Know" by Heather Gibbs Flett and Whitney Moss. I was reading through it, to make sure it was a worthy gift, and I have decided that I can't endorse it or allow it to influence some person's mother.
Anyhow, the particular issue that I would like to discuss with people that can help me work it out, is from page 49: Cheat Sheet of Parenting Philosophies and Trends.
There is a paragraph there with the title "Authoritarian parenting", and this is what it says:
The parent is the leader, makes decisions, and does not need to rationalize to the child. This style of parenting earned media attention under "Tiger Mom". (Even if you feel you fall far outside this realm, know that at some point we all are driven to say "Because I said so!").
Now, I am not a parent, so I can only imagine the extent of the test of patience that it is. I have all the patience in the world for children, and I've never ended up in that situation where they have driven me to impatience. But I have plenty of experience on the receiving end of the impatience, and even still I have to deal with the likes of them in the present day, people with power who have this mentality that they don't need to rationalize their decisions to me.
Now, I find this is always aptly described as arrogant and abusive. I genuinely do not understand how a person could be comfortable with themselves as being such a person.
To me, "Because I said so" is always a failure and it can only be because they do not like the answer that they would give when they are pressed to explain themselves .. it would reveal that they are making the wrong judgement.
A child, of course, is very discerning and pure in their judgements, and where something doesn't make sense to them, they are entitled by nature to have it explained to them. So puts the child in a position where they feel that the parent is being mean, that they do not understand the child's point of view, and that they don't really care if the child is happy with their decision or not. They are also helpless because the parent is like a giant to them, and they aren't so good at expressing themselves.
It isn't the nature of love, that is compassionate, patient, kind and gentle, open to reason and agreement, loving the truth etc. It's just a heart that really doesn't think of the child as anything more than a thing to be managed.
It breaks my heart when I see children treated that way, and I just can't bear to let it happen in front of me. If I could run away from it I would, but these are children, and when this happens in front of me, I need to intervene for them .. otherwise, what kind of world has it become?
There has been a few occasions where I have had to do that, notably when parents have made their children cry in public, and although I carry in no judgement against the parent and always approach the child first to find out what's wrong and what I can do to help them be happy again, the parents immediately rise up against me.
To me it just seems that the world is going to hell because they are doing whatever they want with no concern for what is right and wrong .. and these are children who are crying for justice and begging to understand why it is wrong to do what they think is ok, and they're getting told to just shut up and do what they're told. .. and now I have just found out that not only is the world failing to bring justice for the children, it it is even going so far as to teach them that it is a valid parenting style!!
.. so, yeah, if there's anyone out there who has something for me that can help, it won't go amiss. Everyone who thinks it's OK to treat children this way, go jump in a lake and stay well away from me.
