At what age is it OK to let a child decide for himself if he wants to go to church?

[Alone-in-my-faith]

Hi all, I am wondering what is the appropriate age to allow a child the option of going to church or not. I have an 8 year old whom says that he no longer wants to go to church because it's boring and he 'hates' it. He argues that his dad (my husband) doesn't have to go so is unfair that he has to go.
I at first told my son that his dad is an adult and that he is a child so he has to do what his mom tells him to since Church and fellowship is important. He then went around and asked his dad if it is important to go to church and dad told him absolutely not. I confronted my husband about this and my husband told me that it would be rather hypocritical if him to tell our son that church is important when he doesn't believe it is. I told him that it is important to me and that he could avoid being a hypocrite by just attending and setting a good example. I asked him to do this for me knowing that I believe it to be important that our son has fellowship with other Christians, he responded by pulling out an old note I wrote to him almost 10 years ago where I promised him that I would never nag and badger him to attend church again for any reason and that if he ever wanted to attend again it would be 200% his choice when he is ready.
So last Sunday was the first time in along time that I was alone in church while my son and my husband went crabbing. As it stands right now dad will not join me in a united front to make church a family rule like school, home work and chores. Dad wants to leave it up to the child, I think he is too young, what would be right?

 

[Hank77]

Does your husband believe in God?
Do you pray together as a family?

 

[Alone-in-my-faith]

Does your husband believe in God?
Do you pray together as a family?

Yes but he is at a point in his life where he is very resentful of Christians and Christianity (I personally had a big part to play in that). He is a good husband, father, gentleman, citizen in every other respect though. However he had a major backside a year or two after we got married.

 

[Hank77]

Yes but he is at a point in his life where he is very resentful of Christians and Christianity (I personally had a big part to play in that). He is a good husband, father, gentleman, citizen in every other respect though. However he had a major backside a year or two after we got married.

I would suggest a compromise, first made privately between you and your husband before discussing it with your son.
Can you think of one that might work? You know your husband, we don't, so ultimately you would be the only one who would know.

I would just encourage you to remember that young boys learn how to be men from their dads, moms can't fill that need. Your son is very blessed to have a father that wants to spend quality time with his son. Doing things like crabbing gives them time to communicate, just the two of them. They may even discuss God and having good morals.

 

[Alone-in-my-faith]

I would suggest a compromise, first made privately between you and your husband before discussing it with your son.
Can you think of one that might work? You know your husband, we don't, so ultimately you would be the only one who would know.

I would just encourage you to remember that young boys learn how to be men from their dads, moms can't fill that need. Your son is very blessed to have a father that wants to spend quality time with his son. Doing things like crabbing gives them time to communicate, just the two of them. They may even discuss God and having good morals.

As for a compromise he is holding me to no more church for him, he said I can go if I wish and I can take our son but he won't get involved in discipline if or son refuses to go or acts up at church.
As for the quality time thing that's where I am really really torn. I know my husband is a good influence in almost everything except spiritual leadership. I would be proud of my son if he became a man like his dad but I know that the spiritual guidance will not be there.

 

[Albion]

It seems like all the experts on this issue think that children should be taken to church from an early age and not permitted to choose not to do so, not any more than you would let them decide whether to brush their teeth or not. That said, you have some other issues.

My suggestion would be to explain that you would like Daddy to go to church, too, without too much extra elaboration on that subject...and as for the child thinking church is boring, it might be a good idea to find a church that has a really good program for the young ones. Some churches do not do a good job with them while others are sensational. And, your child may be right in thinking that what he has experienced is boring, at least some of the time. You might be able to remedy that problem.

 

[Hank77]

As for a compromise he is holding me to no more church for him, he said I can go if I wish and I can take our son but he won't get involved in discipline if or son refuses to go or acts up at church.
As for the quality time thing that's where I am really really torn. I know my husband is a good influence in almost everything except spiritual leadership. I would be proud of my son if he became a man like his dad but I know that the spiritual guidance will not be there.

It appears to me you haven't given your husband the responsibility for his spiritual guidance, you want him to go to church for that. You say that your husband believes in God, maybe if given the responsibility for his son's relationship with God, he himself would be drawn closer.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't pray with your son and read scripture with him and provide him with the love that only a mom can provide. You can be the woman who provides the example for the kind of woman he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with.

 

[Alone-in-my-faith]

It appears to me you haven't given your husband the responsibility for his spiritual guidance, you want him to go to church for that. You say that your husband believes in God, maybe if given the responsibility for his son's relationship with God, he himself would be drawn closer.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't pray with your son and read scripture with him and provide him with the love that only a mom can provide. You can be the woman who provides the example for the kind of woman he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with.

This is just my observation but I don't think my husband ranks a relationship with God very highly at this moment.

 

[Hank77]

This is just my observation but I don't think my husband ranks a relationship with God very highly at this moment.

You and your husband are the only people who could know that.
I pray God's blessings on your whole family.

 

[AvilaSurfer]

18.

 

[Alone-in-my-faith]

18.

That's what I have always firmly believed but I don't have dad's support. My husband actually seems happy that our son would rather go fishing and four wheeling on Sundays rather than church.
I told our son that if he doesn't go to church he can't go to the harvest carnival, dad told him that's great because that frees him up to go trick or treating like a "normal" little boy and then took him to Halloween express to get a "real" Halloween costume.

 

[Tolworth John]

Is your husband a christian, if a backsliding one?

If he is and he has fallen out with Christians in a particular church would he attend another church?
If he is a Christian would he lead family worship at home?

If hecalls himself an agnostic, is he willing to reexamine Christianity through christianityexplored?

If your husband will not attend church you will drive your son away from Christianity if you insist on his attendance at church.

 

[JAM2b]

This is older, but I wanted to put my two cents in.

I think a reasonable compromise is in order. Maybe every other week, or special occasions and VBS. Your son's best teaching about Christ and living a faithful life is going to come from what he learns from you by seeing who you are as a believer and how you live your life.

If a kid is a teenager, then never force them. At that point, it's between them and God. You can encourage it and keep the invitation open, but allow God to work through your example of how you live your life and love others and to draw your son to Him in the ways and time that is appropriate.

With your husband not being supportive, you are only stepping into a losing battle that you don't even have to be fighting. God's got this. Just relax and live your faith.

 

[Nithavela]

I at first told my son that his dad is an adult and that he is a child so he has to do what his mom tells him to since Church and fellowship is important. He then went around and asked his dad if it is important to go to church and dad told him absolutely not. I confronted my husband about this and my husband told me that it would be rather hypocritical if him to tell our son that church is important when he doesn't believe it is. I told him that it is important to me and that he could avoid being a hypocrite by just attending and setting a good example. I asked him to do this for me knowing that I believe it to be important that our son has fellowship with other Christians, he responded by pulling out an old note I wrote to him almost 10 years ago where I promised him that I would never nag and badger him to attend church again for any reason and that if he ever wanted to attend again it would be 200% his choice when he is ready.