At the Disco:

[Michie]

He: “Wow, what’s a cute girl like you doing in the corner all alone?”

She: “I had to fart.”

 

[Michie]

Jesus can walk on water correct?

(Yes)

Well, I can walk on cucumbers. As you may know, cucumbers are 98% water. So- I am 98% Jesus.

 

[Michie]

Mom, I’m already 14, can’t I finally get a bra?!

NO Harold!