At my wits end with shallow Christian women

[MehGuy]

I'd go on a lot more dates if I decided to use online dating. But I had to go on multiple dates that didn't lead to a second date, then I wouldn't just be lonely but rather feel rejected and lonely.

At least from the OP it doesn't sound she's getting dates. Considering she's 54 this isn't hard to believe.. just as many women filter out men for being too short.. many men filter out women for being too old. They're simply never seen.

The few messages she gets might be spammers, or men she knows will never actually meet her.
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My life is fine without a significant other. Yes, I am lonely at times but I have never dated for just the sake of dating. I am not likely to start now. For me, integrity, kindness, and intelligence matter more to me than looks ... most of those are not easy to measure via the internet. There are also physical traits that I don't find attractive. However, I know that as I get to know someone, that can change. However, that isn't likely to change over one uncomfortable first date with a stranger I meet online. So if I chose not to date someone I wouldn't find attractive, I am not being shallow but rather realistic. Even if that means I don't date at all.

That's you.. this is a woman who has resorted to online dating.. while you have not.

Dating someone just because they have a pulse and are in the right age bracket is not better than dating no one.

I'd give the OP more credit than that.

As for assuming the woman retired to an area could really be on welfare is a stretch in my opinion. If that was the case, I suggest that he shouldn't date her. Single and only 54 means she should at least be looking for work.

She might be on disablity.. I don't know.. I just know I've run into a lot of low quality people who report to living soley from the goverment. Such people are often younger than her. "Retiring" early can often be a very bleak thing in reality.

 

[blackribbon]

At least from the OP it doesn't sound she's getting dates. Considering she's 56 this isn't hard to believe.. just as many women filter out men for being too short.. many men filter out women for being too old. They're simply never seen.

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56 years old is not anywhere near dead yet. She likely is looking to date men in their 60s and she would be a "sweet young thing" for them. I have no desire to date a man in his 40s. It would be a unique situation for me to even consider a man that young (I'm 54). It has to do with having things in common and being at the same point in my career.

Women in their 50s and 60s can still have very active dating and social lives. They are far from dried up and desperate. The older men can also be very attractive. Most are more stable financially and have a lot more self-confidence. Children, if there are any, are grown up and don't get in the way of the relationship the same way as dependent children.

I'd definitely filter out any man more than 3-4 years younger than me. I'd also have problems with any man self-conscious about his height. I don't care what number that height is. And I prefer my men with some padding, as long as it doesn't slow them down.

There is no perfect person to be on a dating site or in the dating world. Each person is looking for something different. Which is a very good thing. My husband wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me. He felt the same way about me.

 

[MehGuy]

56 years old is not anywhere near dead yet. She likely is looking to date men in their 60s and she would be a "sweet young thing" for them. I have no desire to date a man in his 40s. It would be a unique situation for me to even consider a man that young (I'm 54). It has to do with having things in common and being at the same point in my career.

Of course, women typically don't like to date younger.. despite some feminists pretending they do.

As far as dating men in their 60s, I'm not sure. I know men who are that age who are into online dating, and they go for women much younger. Online dating tends to be viewed as more of a meat market. More check list orientated.

Women in their 50s and 60s can still have very active dating and social lives. They are far from dried up and desperate. The older men can also be very attractive. Most are more stable financially and have a lot more self-confidence. Children, if there are any, are grown up and don't get in the way of the relationship the same way as dependent children.

Maybe better chances in real life.. just as short men tend to do better in real life compared to online. I know nursing homes report many STDs. Than again.. I don't think this often is because men "love" the woman. They're just starved.

I'd definitely filter out any man more than 3-4 years younger than me. I'd also have problems with any man self-conscious about his height. I don't care what number that height is. And I prefer my men with some padding, as long as it doesn't slow them down.

Yes, you're a woman. Nice to hear though.. plenty of feminists like to pretend they're like men and want to date much younger. Biologically doesn't make as much sense.

There is no perfect person to be on a dating site or in the dating world. Each person is looking for something different. Which is a very good thing. My husband wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me. He felt the same way about me.

Yeah and sounds like this woman should practice that lesson. It is not a horror show dating a short man. Short men can have good qualities to compensate.

 

[blackribbon]

Of course, women typically don't like to date younger.. despite some feminists pretending they do.

As far as dating men in their 60s, I'm not sure. I know men who are that age who are into online dating, and they go for women much younger. Online dating tends to be viewed as more of a meat market. More check list orientated.



Maybe better chances in real life.. just as short men tend to do better in real life compared to online. I know nursing homes report many STDs. Than again.. I don't think this often is because men "love" the woman. They're just starved.



Yes, you're a woman. Nice to hear though.. plenty of feminists like to pretend they're like men and want to date much younger. Biologically doesn't make as much sense.



Yeah and sounds like this woman should practice that lesson. It is not a horror show dating a short man. Short men can have good qualities to compensate.

I think she should probably try some other method of dating if she isn't finding date. Changing her height requirement won't suddenly open a lot of doors. And if she liked the OP enough, she would have disregarded her preference after they talked online for a bit. It is likely that she just isn't attracted to him even if she enjoys talking to him online. That is preference. Nothing the OP did wrong or can change. It is just her preference.

Nursing homes don't have high STD rates. Nursing homes are full of people who need around the clock medical care and likely don't even have private rooms or much privacy. Retirement communities have had higher STD rates because those people are relatively healthy and active. Many have lost their life-time spouses and aren't educated about "safe sex". Pregnancy isn't an issue so they don't think about the other needs for protection. Many older men are looking for love and a partner. There isn't anything particularly appealing about playing the field as you mature. It is so much better to have someone who will watch tv with you as well as warm your bed. It is still about relationships.

 

[MehGuy]

I think she should probably try some other method of dating if she isn't finding date. Changing her height requirement won't suddenly open a lot of doors.

Online dating is probably her last resort.

It will not open a lot of doors, but might open some.

And if she liked the OP enough, she would have disregarded her preference after they talked online for a bit. It is likely that she just isn't attracted to him even if she enjoys talking to him online. That is preference. Nothing the OP did wrong or can change. It is just her preference.

Don't think she's spent enough time with him to really determine that. Especially online. I don't know about others, but I could never fall for a woman online. I need to meet her in person first.

Nursing homes don't have high STD rates. Nursing homes are full of people who need around the clock medical care and likely don't even have private rooms or much privacy. Retirement communities have had higher STD rates because those people are relatively healthy and active. Many have lost their life-time spouses and aren't educated about "safe sex". Pregnancy isn't an issue so they don't think about the other needs for protection. Many older men are looking for love and a partner. There isn't anything particularly appealing about playing the field as you mature. It is so much better to have someone who will watch tv with you as well as warm your bed. It is still about relationships.

Some will settle down.. and maybe like the company.. but I think they're viewed as more friends than someone they actually love.

Older men are going to adore and love a 22 year old woman much more than someone their own age. Most can't get that, but most are not realistically going to treat a woman their own age anywhere near as they would a 22 year old. Even a 22 year old woman who is ugly. If this woman can't get over height.. men certainly can't get over women who are not fertile.

 

[blackribbon]

Online dating is probably her last resort.

It is more likely the easiest way to meet new people as a woman. It can be done at home at 2am when you are feeling loneliest. You don't have to get dressed up or put on any makeup.

Older men are going to adore and love a 22 year old woman much more than someone their own age. Most can't get that, but most are not realistically going to treat a woman their own age anywhere near as they would a 22 year old. Even a 22 year old woman who is ugly. If this woman can't get over height.. men certainly can't get over women who are not fertile.

Only insecure older men want to date a 22 year old child. A 22 year old girl is likely the same age as his GRANDDAUGHTERS. She isn't likely dating him for anything except his money or because she needs a daddy figure in her life. He has nothing in common with her...absolutely nothing.

Most men I know want to date women who can share their lives...that means they are going to be available for retirement activities such as traveling at the same time. What fun will it be to retire and sit around the house all day waiting for your wife to come home from work? Oh boy, he gets to cook dinner and do the laundry every day. And most older men are done with raising babies. Grandchildren are okay (you can refuse to change that diaper)...changing your own baby's diaper is not so attractive.

I don't know what world you live in. Older people date plenty frequently. Many find each other online (my aunt did). Others prefer using traditional social activities for older people or through work. The over 50 crowd has plenty to offer each other and doesn't find others in the same age category unattractive. I don't know if they are less shallow or just more realistic when it comes to appearance requirements.

To sum it up: 56 does not mean old, ugly, and desperate. She is likely financially stable. OP must find her attractive with something to offer or else this wouldn't have bothered him so much.

 

[MehGuy]

It is more likely the easiest way to meet new people as a woman. It can be done at home at 2am when you are feeling loneliest. You don't have to get dressed up or put on any makeup.

Yeah.. you can put deceiving photos of yourself up. Especially when you get to the point where no matter how well dressed up and how much makeup you use.. no man will want you. Better just use filters and perhaps horribly out of date photos. I chat with 60 year old men who online date. The pictures they show me of supposedly 50 something year old women is hilarious.. and obviously dishonest..

Only insecure older men want to date a 22 year old child. A 22 year old girl is likely the same age as his GRANDDAUGHTERS. She isn't likely dating him for anything except his money or because she needs a daddy figure in her life. He has nothing in common with her...absolutely nothing.

It is simply biology. Most men can reproduce forever, and 22 year old women are at their most fertile. Almost any 60+ year old man who says he wouldn't date a 22 year old woman is a liar. Has nothing to do with insecurity. Whatever reason for that would be.

Most men I know want to date women who can share their lives...that means they are going to be available for retirement activities such as traveling at the same time. What fun will it be to retire and sit around the house all day waiting for your wife to come home from work? Oh boy, he gets to cook dinner and do the laundry every day. And most older men are done with raising babies. Grandchildren are okay (you can refuse to change that diaper)...changing your own baby's diaper is not so attractive.

Seriously? You think a 60+ year old man would turn down a 22 year old woman who wanted them? Even if they knew they had less than romantic motives? Given you think men just like younger women because they're apparently "insecure" you have a lot to learn about us men.

To sum it up: 56 does not mean old, ugly, and desperate. She is likely financially stable. OP must find her attractive with something to offer or else this wouldn't have bothered him so much.

More likely on disability. As far as the OP I think he can do better. Especially considering she's 6 years older than him.

 

[blackribbon]

Yeah.. you can put deceiving photos of yourself up. Especially when you get to the point where no matter how well dressed up and how much makeup you use.. no man will want you. Better just use filters and perhaps horribly out of date photos. I chat with 60 year old men who online date. The pictures they show me of supposedly 50 something year old women is hilarious.. and obviously dishonest..



It is simply biology. Most men can reproduce forever, and 22 year old women are at their most fertile. Almost any 60+ year old man who says he wouldn't date a 22 year old woman is a liar. Has nothing to do with insecurity. Whatever reason for that would be.



Seriously? You think a 60+ year old man would turn down a 22 year old woman who wanted them? Even if they knew they had less than romantic motives? Given you think men just like younger women because they're apparently "insecure" you have a lot to learn about us men.



More likely on disability. As far as the OP I think he can do better. Especially considering she's 6 years older than him.

I don't think you have hung around very many older men. I think a lot of 60 year old men would like to pretend they would want a 22 year old woman but most wouldn't be so confident that they could keep up with a 22 year old woman (both bodies and hormone levels change as you get older).

And yes, an older man can still father a child...it is less likely to happen than a younger man (fertility issues) .... and that child is more likely to have genetic and mental illness issues related to the older age of the father.

And not all men find girls the ages of their children or grandchildren to be something they desire. There is something twisted about wanting to have relations with your daughters girlfriend...or a girl that has more in common with your son than you.

However, I must give you a pass since you have admitted to not having a history of having healthy long-term relationships with the opposite sex. You might imagine things to be different than they are...and maybe if a man has never had a girl of his youth, maybe he is always looking for one...even when he isn't in his youth anymore. I know plenty of older men who are perfectly gaga over their older wives...and don't do anything beyond admiring young girls. Looks only get you so far.

Honestly, I don't know many 60 year old men who would want to get dressed up in a green wig, makeup, and carry oversized styrofoam weapons to go hang out with their 21 year old girlfriend at an anime convention. I don't even see that many willing to dress up and go to a Star Trek convention (and that would be from our generation). Maybe he could grab a walker and go as the old guy in "Up"???

And why do you assume that a single woman at 56 is on disability? Most the women I know who aren't married and my age have saved up a lot of money. They own their own homes which are nicely decorated (and always look like magazine photos). Drive nice paid for cars. They take trips and travel around the world for fun. I would be very comfortable financially if I wasn't helping support my kids. It would be like suddenly getting a raise that is 2-3 times more than I make now. I live pretty simply myself.

 

[MehGuy]

I don't think you have hung around very many older men. I think a lot of 60 year old men would like to pretend they would want a 22 year old woman but most wouldn't be so confident that they could keep up with a 22 year old woman (both bodies and hormone levels change as you get older).

Pretend? I saw them literally hit on 22 year old women in real life. Hang around younger women every chance they get. Even if they knew it would not go anywhere, they really enjoyed flirting with them.

And yes, an older man can still father a child...it is less likely to happen than a younger man (fertility issues) .... and that child is more likely to have genetic and mental illness issues related to the older age of the father.

Yeah hence why most women don't very old men.. still there isn't any biological reason for men to stop wanting highly fertile 22 year old women.

And not all men find girls the ages of their children or grandchildren to be something they desire. There is something twisted about wanting to have relations with your daughters girlfriend...or a girl that has more in common with your son than you.

Biologically there really isn't.

However, I must give you a pass since you have admitted to not having a history of having healthy long-term relationships with the opposite sex. You might imagine things to be different than they are...and maybe if a man has never had a girl of his youth, maybe he is always looking for one...even when he isn't in his youth anymore. I know plenty of older men who are perfectly gaga over their older wives...and don't do anything beyond admiring young girls. Looks only get you so far.

Given I'm a sadist in the BDSM community, my story is going to be different than most men. I don't think I'm capable of loving a woman in the normal sense. As long as she's young and likes being in pain, I'm pretty much good. Even then.. the BDSM community tends to have large age gaps, with plenty of women preferring much older men. The psychology of it is pretty understandable.

Although, I look at the vanilla world, and wonder how different it really is.

Honestly, I don't know many 60 year old men who would want to get dressed up in a green wig, makeup, and carry oversized styrofoam weapons to go hang out with their 21 year old girlfriend at an anime convention. I don't even see that many willing to dress up and go to a Star Trek convention (and that would be from our generation). Maybe he could grab a walker and go as the old guy in "Up"???

If they could woo a 22 year old? I think many would.

You need to stop thinking from the perspective of a woman.

And why do you assume that a single woman at 56 is on disability? Most the women I know who aren't married and my age have saved up a lot of money. They own their own homes which are nicely decorated (and always look like magazine photos). Drive nice paid for cars. They take trips and travel around the world for fun. I would be very comfortable financially if I wasn't helping support my kids. It would be like suddenly getting a raise that is 2-3 times more than I make now. I live pretty simply myself.

Like I said before, if she was well off I think she'd be attractive to more height appropriate men. Not failing miserably on dating sites. Gold diggers perhaps.. but given she's shallow enough not to date short men.. I doubt she'd have the maturity to not fall into it.

 

[blackribbon]

Pretend? I saw them literally hit on 22 year old women in real life. Hang around younger women every chance they get. Even if they knew it would not go anywhere, they really enjoyed flirting with them.



Yeah hence why most women don't very old men.. still there isn't any biological reason for men to stop wanting highly fertile 22 year old women.



Biologically there really isn't.



Given I'm a sadist in the BDSM community, my story is going to be different than most men. I don't think I'm capable of loving a woman in the normal sense. As long as she's young and likes being in pain, I'm pretty much good. Even then.. the BDSM community tends to have large age gaps, with plenty of women preferring much older men. The psychology of it is pretty understandable.

Although, I look at the vanilla world, and wonder how different it really is.



If they could woo a 22 year old? I think many would.

You need to stop thinking from the perspective of a woman.



Like I said before, if she was well off I think she'd be attractive to more height appropriate men. Not failing miserably on dating sites. Gold diggers perhaps.. but given she's shallow enough not to date short men.. I doubt she'd have the maturity to not fall into it.

And I don't think I agree that most mentally healthy 60 year old men would think they could be with a 22 year old woman and not be self-conscious about performance anxiety. If you weren't comfortable around 22 year old girls when you were 25 and built like a young man, why would you suddenly become confident that their 60 year old bodies will be accepted unconditionally by a 22 year old girl...especially since it has likely failed them once or twice in the past because they are simply older.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this topic. We will also have to agree to disagree that there are plenty of older man would rather have a woman who is a peer and a partner than a pretty plaything who has nothing in common with him.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I don't know how tall the OP is.. but it does sound kind of silly if you're willing to not at least give a short man a chance if you're otherwise having a hard time finding someone decent to meet.

If I couldn't get anyone and I desired love, I'd be lowering my standards. It's not some hard thing. Technically almost everyone already does it. If we had our way most of us would be going after the top 1% of either gender. A woman dating a short man isn't trading her soul or anything.. lol.. despite it not being ideal.



Maybe she's just on welfare? Lol. I mean if she's rich.. well not just women can be gold-diggers. Adolf Hitler's father was a gold digger with an older lady, despite normally dating women decades younger than himself.

Im 5'8'. Figured any man taller than her would be tall enough. After i told her what to expect of the dating pool here...and that she's not getting any younger. That I'm the best she can do based on her limited geography requirement,.

 

[MehGuy]

And I don't think I agree that most mentally healthy 60 year old men would think they could be with a 22 year old woman and not be self-conscious about performance anxiety. If you weren't comfortable around 22 year old girls when you were 25 and built like a young man, why would you suddenly become confident that their 60 year old bodies will be accepted unconditionally by a 22 year old girl...especially since it has likely failed them once or twice in the past because they are simply older.

Uh what?

Just because a 60+ year old man still likes 22 year old women doesn't mean he was an unconfident man when he was younger.

I mean plenty of 25 year old men feel unconfident.. for most men I hear 35 years of age is when they feel the most confident. 22 year old women look feminine, but 22 year old men also tend to look feminine. I know in the bdsm world, young men are often mocked by older women for not being masculine enough simply because of their age.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this topic. We will also have to agree to disagree that there are plenty of older man would rather have a woman who is a peer and a partner than a pretty plaything who has nothing in common with him.

Doesn't biologically make sense.. but ok?

Still.. I think you're looking at things from a female lens.

 

[MehGuy]

Im 5'8'. Figured any man taller than her would be tall enough

Yeah.. she's being unreasonable.. her requirement was what.. 5 foot 10 inches? I mean come on.. 2 inches shy.. and she's having trouble finding dates?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'd go on a lot more dates if I decided to use online dating. But I had to go on multiple dates that didn't lead to a second date, then I wouldn't just be lonely but rather feel rejected and lonely.

My life is fine without a significant other. Yes, I am lonely at times but I have never dated for just the sake of dating. I am not likely to start now. For me, integrity, kindness, and intelligence matter more to me than looks ... most of those are not easy to measure via the internet. There are also physical traits that I don't find attractive. However, I know that as I get to know someone, that can change. However, that isn't likely to change over one uncomfortable first date with a stranger I meet online. So if I chose not to date someone I wouldn't find attractive, I am not being shallow but rather realistic. Even if that means I don't date at all.

Dating someone just because they have a pulse and are in the right age bracket is not better than dating no one.

As for assuming the woman retired to an area could really be on welfare is a stretch in my opinion. If that was the case, I suggest that he shouldn't date her. Single and only 54 means she should at least be looking for work.

Hm, then all your responses here, because you have no interest in dating, are biased.

 

[blackribbon]

Im 5'8'. Figured any man taller than her would be tall enough. After i told her what to expect of the dating pool here...and that she's not getting any younger. That I'm the best she can do based on her limited geography requirement,.

What woman could refuse that line?

Sometimes the best you can do is staying alone and not date for the time being.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

What woman could refuse that line?

Sometimes the best you can do is staying alone and not date for the time being.

Yeah well. She has standards of college-aged women. It's rather uncharacteristic of a woman her age. I figured women and men, became more realistic in their standards once they've come to realize they aren't much to look at themselves...esp. if you're in the AARP card carrying community.

 

[ReesePiece23]

What woman could refuse that line?

I've never known it to fail.

I've also never seen it succeed either.

But's it's never failed, so let's focus on the positives.

That's the best post you'll ever read blackribbon - it'll never get any better than that, so don't bother looking anywhere else. For I am the next Gandhi.

 

[timewerx]

If you're going after a lady and know from the start you don't meet her standard, it takes charm to get that first date.

Charm...That I don't have. I'd probably just make fun of it and say "I can wear high heels too!"

 

[ReesePiece23]

Charm...That I don't have. I'd probably just make fun of it and say "I can wear high heels too!"

I'm not exactly prince charming myself - it seems to suit me though, especially for the type of women I tend to attract (business types, the ambitious, etc.). Not all women want to be treated like a character from a Shakespeare novel.

By attract, I don't mean date or get into a relationship with. I am still very much on an extended hiatus.

 

[timewerx]

(business types, the ambitious, etc.). Not all women want to be treated like a character from a Shakespeare novel.

You're right!