Assaulted

[puddleoffaith]

Guys and gals,
I need to know...is this assault and what could I have done about it?

I was leaving a karaoke bar this morning around 2am. I was completely sober, I hadn't drank anything so I knew exactly what was going on. I had some friends with me but they had drank. Anyways, as I was coming out the door, a very drunk guy walking down the street jumped up trying to touch the rain eves thingy of the store next door. Of course, he lost his blance so I tried to run across the street but he collided into me purposely to break his fall. He had his head in between my legs and I was wearing a skirt with no nylons. I have never felt so violated in my entire life. His impact moved me and then he spun us around in a circle while I screamed "you're hurting me!" then he ran off. I am SO angry. and SO violated. And I wanted to scream at him and swear but I didn;t want him to turn around and fight me (he was drunk). He could have seriously hurt me or others. and he had his head right inbetween my legs with a skirt on. What can I do about this? I didn't know him although I do have witnesses and it may have been an accident but I still feel incredibly violated and sick to my stomach.

Why do people do this? Why do people act this way? I almost never want to go out on the streets after dark again. I almost feel like because I was at a bar, no one will care. It's not as if I were grocery shopping or something. but I was sober and this just feels awful...


EDIT: Even if drunk, it shouldn;t make a difference to the crime. I'm just saying, it was awful because I knew exactly what was going on and I didn't hallucinate or make this worse than it seems.

 

[WileyCoyote]

It sounds to me like you were violated. This is infuriating. I'm glad he didn't do anything else.

 

[GritsnGrace]

I would call it assault.

 

[puddleoffaith]

what can one do about assault? I think the worse thing about assault is feeling helpless. I should have called the police right then but I was too angry and shocked to think about it. The streets were pretty empty, the police could have easily found them. but then, what would they really do about it? It's not as though they'd be going to jail or even do community service. However, at least they might be taken overnight for public intoxication and assualt so no one else would get hurt.

 

[GritsnGrace]

Oh, I think he could do some jail time. you said you had witnesses. Did they have cameras outside the bar? Is there any way to find out who he was?

 

[Quoth]

One thing I've learned: if you feel violated, then it is violation, whether he intended it or not. During my two semesters as a Criminal Justice major, I learned enough about the law to learn the legal definition of assault.

Assault is a crime that occurs when a person commits any action that would alarm any other person. Pointing your fingers like you're firing a gun, drawing your finger across your throat while staring intently at another person, even flipping them off. These are all considered assault if the person feels threatened.

Battery occurs when the person intentionally commits an action that purposefully harms you. If someone punches you, that's battery.

What you experienced was sexual assault, if indeed the individual purposely put his head between your legs. You would have to prove he did it on purpose. Legally, he could plead out because his judgment was impaired for being drunk, and you would have a hard time since he didn't (according to what you shared) make any sexual comments.

Whether you pursue legal action or not, one thing I suggest you do is find a trusted female friend and get this "off your chest". Deal with it by talking about it. You have the right as a human being not to feel violated, and you should take every reasonable action to repair the emotional and mental damage this has caused.

You are in my prayers. I'm sorry that we guys can be such creeps.

 

[deliciousBass]

What you experienced was sexual assault, if indeed the individual purposely put his head between your legs. You would have to prove he did it on purpose. Legally, he could plead out because his judgment was impaired for being drunk, and you would have a hard time since he didn't (according to what you shared) make any sexual comments.

Yep. Key word is purposely which it sounds like he did but would be impossible to prove.

I'm sorry you experienced this Ms. Puddleoffaith...

Ideally, you would have called the police immediately and given them a description of the man. I suppose you could call them now too and let them know what happened. He may fit a pattern things that have happened in the area. And you have to remember that sex crimes are escalatory. If this is something that he's getting his kicks from now, chances are the effect is going to wane and he's going to want to move up to something more thrilling.

 

[Luther073082]

I'm in agreement, it would be difficult to prove that he did all that on purpose.

And then I'm not sure what you could get him on. Obviously its not rape, but there might be a crime for inappropriate touching or something. Then again it could also fall under sexual harrassment too which of course is putting it lightly.

Plus given you don't have any information on this man other then a possible description then it would be difficult to even find him.

I hate to say it but I really think you are kind of limited on your options here. Finding the man who did this would be a good enough trick. But then proving beyond a reasonable doubt that he did what he did on purpose, nearly impossible.

On top of all that this crime isn't regarded as a high priority. If the man raped you it would be of a greater priority of course but knocking you over and putting his head up your skirt isn't going to be a high priority realistically.

 

[Inkachu]

If you had called the police immediately, and could somehow get the guy's name or identity, I think you might have had something to go on.

But because you weren't physically harmed, and you went home without doing anything, I'm not sure they'd be willing to make a deal out of it now.

But if YOU feel you need to take action, by all means, call the local police and ask them if you can do something about this.

 

[Inkachu]

I've dealt with disgusting, drunken slobs before as well. I'm sure you were terrified and sickened by this man's conduct. For myself personally, I wouldn't try to turn it into a crime. He was a drunken slob who scared you and definitely overstepped boundaries by touching you. I'd leave it at that and go on with life. But YOU need to do what YOU feel is right. I'm just offering my view, since you asked for opinions.

Also .. just a suggestion .. being out at a bar at 2am .. not a very wise choice for a young lady, IMO.

 

[Luther073082]

I've dealt with disgusting, drunken slobs before as well. I'm sure you were terrified and sickened by this man's conduct. For myself personally, I wouldn't try to turn it into a crime. He was a drunken slob who scared you and definitely overstepped boundaries by touching you. I'd leave it at that and go on with life. But YOU need to do what YOU feel is right. I'm just offering my view, since you asked for opinions.

Also .. just a suggestion .. being out at a bar at 2am .. not a very wise choice for a young lady, IMO.

Wait a minute, yeah I just noticed something.

Puddle is 19 years old. . . so why where you even at a bar? Much less being there at 2 am.

To be honest I'm not a huge fan of bars myself. I've been to a couple and I'm not saying I'll never go again. But its pretty rare.

 

[kingoffools13]

well i'm sorry you feel violated, and if that was his intent then it was very wrong

however from just the details that you have described, i doesn't sound like anything more than a drunk dude falling over in a compromising position ... especially when you say he ran off right after that it doesn't sound like he was trying to force himself on you. I know you said he did it on purpose, but I'm not sure how you determined that, even if he was sober, that would be hard to determine with out some sort of indication or him flat out elaborating on what he was doing.

If you feel it was a real sexual assault then by all means you should report it, but if the above details pretty much capture the situation in full i wouldn't expect much to come of it even if you could determine the identity of the guy.

K
O
f

 

[Reanimation]

Puddle is 19 years old. . . so why where you even at a bar? Much less being there at 2 am.

She may not be a yank. (I was going out to places like that at 18. )

Anyway, I don't really know what to say about this. You'd be hard pressed to prove that he did it on purpose.
Drunk people do stuff like that all the time without meaning to. I highly doubt he did it on purpose, it sounds like an accident. Plus, given how he ran away straight after it happened, I'd guess that he was embarrassed about what he did.

But hey, I wasn't there, so I'm not really in a position to comment.

 

[Inkachu]

Wait a minute, yeah I just noticed something.

Puddle is 19 years old. . . so why where you even at a bar? Much less being there at 2 am.

To be honest I'm not a huge fan of bars myself. I've been to a couple and I'm not saying I'll never go again. But its pretty rare.

I used to hang out at bars all the time as a teen. They just won't serve you any alcohol (if they're doing their job, of course). I went to sing karaoke and play pool and act like a fool around the older men, lol.

 

[deliciousBass]

Yeah, lets all blame the victim here

 

[Inkachu]

No one's blamed her. She didn't make the guy fall on her and manhandle her. But it is true that being in a bar at 2am is basically inviting risky circumstances. You're surrounded by exhausted, intoxicated people. You're pretty much taking your safety into your own hands at that point. So while HE is to blame for what HE did to her, she was knowingly in a not-so-safe environment at that time.

I was a bar brat for a long, long time, and I've had to handle many a drunken idiot, and there were times when I was in serious danger (I wasn't scared cause I was young and wasn't scared of anything). Looking back though, I'm lucky I never got assaulted, cause I would tell a drunk man off without hesitation, never thinking "Honey, he's drunk, he might just knock you out" lol. But I was NOT being smart or prudent at all during those years, and thankfully God was watching out for dumb ole me.

 

[deliciousBass]

She was with her friends... it's not like she was there alone.

 

[soccerdad66]

Well, lets look at the positive, if this doesn't come across wrong, he was between your legs and drunk, at least he didn't try to take any further liberties.

 

[Fremdin]

I'm thinking he just fell and it was an accident. It doesn't sound like he did anything on purpose. Maybe he intentionally fell on you to break his fall but I doubt he meant to end up with his head between your legs. I'm sorry you feel violated, I know how disconcerting what you experienced can be but I don't think it was assault because I don't think he intended to cause you harm. I think a drunken buffoon fell into a compromising position and ran off.

 

[Luther073082]

I used to hang out at bars all the time as a teen. They just won't serve you any alcohol (if they're doing their job, of course). I went to sing karaoke and play pool and act like a fool around the older men, lol.

Most bars I know of around here don't let people in unless they are over 21.

But then again, in Indiana you can't buy alcohol on a Sunday. (I'm serious thats a state law and it is enforced.)