Asphyxia , Suffocation, disambiguation

[Elliewaves]

Has anyone ever experienced a friendship or a relationship that is overwhelmingly suffocating or almost controlling? I'm not talking about someone that just tags a long or wants to be with you; but everything thing you do and like- they overwhelmingly do and like, even if they don't, just to manipulate wanting to be around you or involved in your life? To the point that if you try to end the friendship or distance yourself the person clings or tries to majorly guilt you into still being their friend.

Me: I'm going to ride roller coasters; see you later!

Friend: Oh my gosh! I love to ride roller coasters too! (They really don't). I do it all the time (They really don't). We are so much alike. I'll come with you!

Me: That's ok; I kinda wanted to go by myself today. We can schedule a later time when we can go together.

Friend: No! It would make more sense for us to go together today; I'm free- You're free- let's go! You make me so happy!

and then it goes around in a circle with friend type person never getting the hint even if I flat out say , I don't want you to come or I don't want to be around today.

or I go to the grocery store (or where ever) and surprise! friend is there in hopes of running into me and hanging out- all day long.

I don't dislike this person; but they exhaust me with the constant trying so hard to be my friend and not being themselves.

I guess talking with them is the best thing, setting boundaries? I've tried it before and it goes right back into the guilting and manipulation thing with them....Maybe my boyfriend should talk with them??? Just to be clear it's another girl; not a guy. Anyone deal with something like this?

 

[trentlogain2]

yes. he is someone who was led to the Lord and used to go to church with me. he has a very clingly personality. even to the point of putting his dependence on men more than God. granted, he is a new Christian..but what do you do with someone who needs help?

all i know is that God told me to keep my distance from him despite wanting to reach out to him and encourage him.

praise: i just received a phone call 10 minutes ago from somebody from my old church, wanting to get his number in order to call to see if they can pick him back up for rides to worship. so that was kind of an answer to prayer.

 

[Elliewaves]

That's good; I should pray about it more instead of letting it get to me. I'm not so sure my friend needs help in that she wants to feel acceptance at any cost.

 

[Obzocky]

I guess talking with them is the best thing, setting boundaries? I've tried it before and it goes right back into the guilting and manipulation thing with them....Maybe my boyfriend should talk with them??? Just to be clear it's another girl; not a guy. Anyone deal with something like this?

Yes.

Sometimes you have to be very, very firm. Getting someone else to talk to them could make the situation worse, you and only you need to be very clear and very firm about your boundaries. You know they are prone to manipulation through guilt, it may be best to tell them that you need your space for a while and then stick to it. With such a person you have to be the strong one who is able to put your foot down and maintain the distance.

If they are very insistent you sometimes have to be very blunt and say that whilst you appreciate their friendship they exhaust you and you need some alone time. It is difficult when they have that level of dependence upon your friendship but you have to be consistent and firm, if you are not then they will continue to act in this way as it gets the results they want.

 

[Elliewaves]

Thank you for that advice!

 

[SnowyMacie]

I guess talking with them is the best thing, setting boundaries? I've tried it before and it goes right back into the guilting and manipulation thing with them....Maybe my boyfriend should talk with them??? Just to be clear it's another girl; not a guy. Anyone deal with something like this?

No, not really. I have do have a hard friendship in another sense.

 

[Blank123]

mmhmm. I've dealt with that even to the extreme of being manipulated with threats of suicide if I didn't spend enough time with them. High maintenance people and me... we don't do well together.

You need to set boundaries. Let your yes be yes and no be no. If you're serious about not hanging out with this person on a particular day say no and stick to it no matter how much they may whine about it. And they very likely will. but boundaries are a healthy thing to have in any relationship. When they disappear so does any personal space you'd hope to have.

Also... talk to them yourself. If you need to drag in a third party then you're either sending a wrong message about your interest or ability to communicate directly or you've reached the point where it doesn't matter what you say they refuse to respect you. And its that point you have to end the friendship and walk away.

 

[Thunder Peel]

I've had the opposite. I've had a lot of friendships and relationships where it was almost impossible to get anyone to hang out or do anything. They were all unreliable and flaky, making plans and then randomly calling them off with no warning or reasons whatsoever. It was like I only existed when they wanted something or were desperate; I was never a first choice for anything. I stopped trying to make friends long ago and have saved myself a lot of time and hurt in the process.

 

[redblue22]

I don't think anyone has ever been too clingy with me. I think it has been a little more to the opposite.

 

[Elliewaves]

mmhmm. I've dealt with that even to the extreme of being manipulated with threats of suicide if I didn't spend enough time with them. High maintenance people and me... we don't do well together.

You need to set boundaries. Let your yes be yes and no be no. If you're serious about not hanging out with this person on a particular day say no and stick to it no matter how much they may whine about it. And they very likely will. but boundaries are a healthy thing to have in any relationship. When they disappear so does any personal space you'd hope to have.

Also... talk to them yourself. If you need to drag in a third party then you're either sending a wrong message about your interest or ability to communicate directly or you've reached the point where it doesn't matter what you say they refuse to respect you. And its that point you have to end the friendship and walk away.

Thanks for your advice!
The thing is if she wasn't so pushy about it; I doubt I'd be friends with her- friendly yes; friends=no. I also see her constantly saying that we are so much alike (we are not) to be a form of manipulation- sort of like creating a bond that isn't really there. She'll say things like we share thoughts, we are so much alike, we think the same way, etc.... I'm to the point where I find it really creepy. She's threatened harm to herself with others and I don't doubt that it will reach that point with me. I've talked with her before ; I guess I just need to have a really hard talk with her...

 

[Dreamer8]

yes. he is someone who was led to the Lord and used to go to church with me. he has a very clingly personality. even to the point of putting his dependence on men more than God. granted, he is a new Christian..but what do you do with someone who needs help?

all i know is that God told me to keep my distance from him despite wanting to reach out to him and encourage him.

praise: i just received a phone call 10 minutes ago from somebody from my old church, wanting to get his number in order to call to see if they can pick him back up for rides to worship. so that was kind of an answer to prayer.

u talking bout me bart??? cuz if u are idk what ill do...cuz like ur the only thing i know in life anymore...dude u there? i sent u like 10 txts and u still didnt reply...are u gonna ditch me? did god tell u to?? REPLY!!!

 

[MissProverbs31]

I've had it happen with a boyfriend. It was just miserable. I really like my space. If I was reading a book, he wanted me to read aloud no matter where I was in the book. That might be why I'm single.

 

[Rhye]

Blind post.

I want to first say I am sorry you are dealing with this, in some ways it can be draining if the person does not stop or is manipulative.

Never fear to mental flush other peoples shady behavior. Flush as many times as you need until they are out of your life. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Speaks the girl who has now put those boundaries in place and see the effects it causes.
The wonderful thing about having boundaries is being self-aware, trusting yourself and having a BS meter. You then quickly recognize negative people and situations that serve to detract from you.

I hope if and when you do talk to her, it will stop.

 

[Going Merry]

Hehe, everyone has so many social problems. I sit silently in the back taking notes

 

[MissProverbs31]

Hehe, everyone has so many social problems. I sit silently in the back taking notes

I hope you're not making fun of people. It isn't kind.

 

[MacFall]

ROFL no. Nobody likes me that much.

I have seen it happen to another person, though. Her tag-along actually joined her soccer team - even though she couldn't play soccer at all - and got upset when she found out that they would have to compete for the same position because she wanted to share it.

 

[Dreamer8]

What would happen If a needy person dated a needy person? Would it cancel each other out and be perfect match?

Maybe they would like fuse together to form one entity

 

[Going Merry]

What would happen If a needy person dated a needy person? Would it cancel each other out and be perfect match?

Maybe they would like fuse together to form one entity

maybe in star wars

 

[Elliewaves]

I've had it happen with a boyfriend. It was just miserable. I really like my space. If I was reading a book, he wanted me to read aloud no matter where I was in the book. That might be why I'm single.

Wow, that is really awful. Maybe it speaks more to why he is single, hopefully!

 

[Elliewaves]

Blind post.

I want to first say I am sorry you are dealing with this, in some ways it can be draining if the person does not stop or is manipulative.

Never fear to mental flush other peoples shady behavior. Flush as many times as you need until they are out of your life. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Speaks the girl who has now put those boundaries in place and see the effects it causes.
The wonderful thing about having boundaries is being self-aware, trusting yourself and having a BS meter. You then quickly recognize negative people and situations that serve to detract from you.

I hope if and when you do talk to her, it will stop.

Thank you for your advice.