It's great to hear that she's getting more comfortable, Kazamataz. It sounds like you're off to a pretty good start, but I just feel like I should say to be careful not to start underestimating her or be too quick to apply a generic label on her. Every 'aspie' is different, and not all AS traits apply to all of us; for example, I'm
very analytical which sometimes causes no end of problems, but I also have an aspie friend who couldn't sympathize with that particular trait at all. On the other hand, while I've only recently learned how to make good eye contact (still a bit iffy though, I'd imagine), I've never been scared or intimidated by eye contact in any way other than worrying that I was overdoing it. I'm also vaguely capable in smalltalk by now, even if I'm not fluent in it by any means.
But anyway, the point of all that wasn't so much to describe myself, but more to just say that we're all different. It's true that we're always going to have a hard time with things like nonverbal communication or even just making sense to 'NTs', but probably one of the best things to do is figure out what's true for
her, and act accordingly. I've already had people assume false things about me based on what they knew about AS, so I really encourage you to try not to do that (not that I think you're doing that or anything, but I just thought I ought to mention that...)
I suppose I could give a bit of specific advice/tips, though. I highly doubt that you two will have to keep all conversations restricted to scrapbooking. If that's her obsession, then sure you'll end up talking a lot, but I'm sure she'd love it if you figure out what other things interest her; things like what she likes to read, what music she likes, what else she does in her free time, and things like that. As you get to know her, you could even introduce her to some of your own interests. Also, she might really appreciate it if you help her improve her social skills somehow. I'm not really sure if she'd mind you bringing it up, or if she'd prefer to do it herself, but I know I love it when I can get people to help out somehow or other. One of my friends I think is particularly good at this; after I told her about me, and asked if she'd help a bit (especially by telling me if I did something wrong, which inevitably happens), she somehow hit upon the method of just saying something about what I ought to be doing, and it worked beautifully for me once I noticed she was doing it (a lot of times it was something simple like saying 'I'll just go ahead and leave my shoes here' when we entered a house, or things like that). If you're going to help her with this, I definitely wouldn't suggest being too blatant or draw unnecessary attention to it, but subtle things have a tendency to go over our heads. (For an example of that: once I gave an 'improper' nonverbal response when someone asked a favor of me and my sister, and apparently they somehow made it clear that they were only thanking my sister in their response so that they'd let me know of their displeasure; sadly for them, I never knew about it until they said something later.)
But anyway, that was all over the place, and may not have really helped much. Just keep track of how she seems to be feeling at the time (based on what you actually know about her, and not on nonverbal communication), and be willing to give her space if you sense that she needs it. If she's digging her nails into her Bible, like you mentioned in the first post, she's probably getting really nervous or experiencing some kind of overload (sensory or information). In that case, it's best to find something she's comfortable talking about, or to get her into a quieter environment. (I don't know if noise is ever a problem for her, but if it is, then I know that things like crowd noises can really heighten a tense situation, so that's definitely something to be aware of). It's also worth knowing if any of her senses are oversensitive, because some aspies can have a huge problem with certain brightness/noise levels or even certain textures/scents/sounds. And yes, if there's something you need to let her know, don't really too much on nonverbal communication (facial expressions, eye contact, etc) unless she tells you otherwise. Just be upfront and tell her 'bluntly' and gently. Saying you're just fine, despite sending subtle cues that say the opposite, apparently work with most people, but most of us tend to believe what you
say and will respond accordingly (though yes, cues that are obvious enough will certainly not go unnoticed).
So anyway, I hope that was able to help you any. I really think that now that you've established the friendship, the main thing you need to be doing is getting to know her even more and stay sensitive to any needs she might have; and wow, I also have to say, I love that you're recognizing how much like everyone else she is, and even just seeing her that way. It really sounds like you could be a valuable friend to her, so keep it up!
