Asking God for forgiveness when I wouldn't go back and change what I did if I could?

[LaundrySoap]

Example: I told a half-lie to my boyfriend; I did something, minor, that seemed like a minor accident, but it was on purpose. I felt horrible immediately after, and I apologized, and that was that. But the way the incident happened, it seemed like an accident.

I recently read in a book that if we do something on purpose that we have to confess the sin ("I did this on purpose") and ask for forgiveness, versus only saying we're sorry in the case of an accident.

But do I need to confess every single evil thought I've had to other people (ie, my parents, or my friend)? Especially if what happens isn't a big deal and they forgot about it? I'm stuck on the deceit part--where I let them think it was an accident. Deceit is wrong but I just can't bring myself to review every little incident where I did something minor, but on purpose, and tell them "these things that looked like accidents were actually on purpose." I feel awful that there's a lie of sorts floating around, but I also wouldn't take it back because the alternative seems so extreme--to confess every horrible thought I had.

So, since I'm sorry about the whole thing--about the actions, and the deceit--but I wouldn't go back and change my deceitful apology to a confession of sin, would God still forgive me? I would go back and not let any of the situations happen in the first place, if I could.


Put in other words, in order to obtain God's forgiveness, do I need to get to the mindset where I would, if I could, change what I said when I apologized, to convey the whole truth? Do I actually need to sit down and write out all these instances and bring them to my boyfriend and anyone else I've wronged in the same way?

 

[Lost Witness]

But do I need to confess every single evil thought I've had to other people (ie, my parents, or my friend)? Especially if what happens isn't a big deal and they forgot about it? I'm stuck on the deceit part--where I let them think it was an accident. Deceit is wrong but I just can't bring myself to review every little incident where I did something minor, but on purpose, and tell them "these things that looked like accidents were actually on purpose

The LORDS Prayer Matthew 6:9-13
That's all you need to DO,
Now if you choose to confess sins to him individually because they are bothering you that bad then by all means,
Pour your heart out to him about how they bother you for hurting him.

 

[LaundrySoap]

Now if you choose to confess sins to him individually

Sorry, I'm just trying to be extra clear--you mean confess sins individually to God, right?

And I guess I'm stuck because I know deceit is wrong and it's upsetting me that I was deceitful, but at the same time, I'm glad I was because by expounding on everything, instead of keeping quiet, I would have made things worse. I'm upset that I was deceitful, and it bothers me that I don't want to "take it back," if that makes sense.

 

[YahuahSaves]

I did something, minor, that seemed like a minor accident, but it was on purpose. I felt horrible immediately after, and I apologized, and that was that. But the way the incident happened, it seemed like an accident.

Especially if what happens isn't a big deal and they forgot about it? I'm stuck on the deceit part--where I let them think it was an accident.

OK so is this you breaking something of theirs on purpose or something like that? I'm struggling to see what you think of as "minor" when there was intent behind it. Can you be a bit more specific?

 

[Tolworth John]

do I need to confess every single evil thought I've had to other people

It really depends what you are doing. If for example you are lying to them for your own advantage, to get extra clothing, to get out of doing chores, then yes you should review your actions and motives and confess them to God and to your parents, then stop doing it.

Manipulating people through lies is not a nice habit, so start working on changing it.
Yes I've deliberatly used the worst way to describe it.
Do talk to your parents as they can help you.

 

[LaundrySoap]

It's more like... one time my boyfriend was asleep on the couch, and I was looking at a book nearby, and I gasped in surprise because I'd found a paper in it I'd been looking for. In the moment I did that, though, I knew I'd startle him awake. And he was startled, and I felt bad immediately and I went to comfort him and I apologized.

Regarding my parents, one time I clogged the toilet at the hotel we were at--TMI but I tend to use a lot of TP when I go. And... I knew in the back of my mind what was about to happen, but when it clogged I felt bad so i went downstairs in the middle of the night right when it happened and got the plunger and tried to fix it. But I had to wake my parents up in the process, so they knew about it.

I'm not lying to get clothes or money or get out of chores. The only time I've maybe broken something is when I let the reclining seat of my boyfriend's car come up too fast--knowing in the back of my mind that was a bad idea, but doing it anyway, and then instantly feeling bad (I practically begged him to let me try to fix it, as it made a funny sound after, but he asked me to stop talking about it and checked it himself and said it was fine).

 

[LaundrySoap]

Or put even more simply: I was deceitful in my words with a therapist I used to see, I don't remember exactly what I said but I did avoid an uncomfortable conversation. And if I'm sad about the deceit, but at the same time, not sad I did it because I avoided having an uncomfortable conversation, can I even be forgiven for this? And also, it would make no sense to go back to her and confess this.

 

[YahuahSaves]

It's more like... one time my boyfriend was asleep on the couch, and I was looking at a book nearby, and I gasped in surprise because I'd found a paper in it I'd been looking for. In the moment I did that, though, I knew I'd startle him awake. And he was startled, and I felt bad immediately and I went to comfort him and I apologized.

OK that ^^^ sounds like attention-seeking, so perhaps be selfless and let your boyfriend sleep, even if you want attention and/or control.

The rest sounds like mistakes we all make, not listening to that "little voice" that tells us an action will be a dumb choice, but we do it anyway... perhaps listen to that small voice more often?

 

[YahuahSaves]

Or put even more simply: I was deceitful in my words with a therapist I used to see, I don't remember exactly what I said but I did avoid an uncomfortable conversation. And if I'm sad about the deceit, but at the same time, not sad I did it because I avoided having an uncomfortable conversation, can I even be forgiven for this? And also, it would make no sense to go back to her and confess this.

The whole point of a therapist is to have uncomfortable conversations lol...but I get it, I would just confess to God if these things are troubling you and ask him to help you not do these things any more

 

[LaundrySoap]

I think I am not going to be forgiven if I don't confess this

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his...

www.christianforums.com

This thread, too, pretty much sums up my issues...

I just feel horrible that I've been deceitful in the past, but I feel like my repentance isn't truly genuine because, if given the chance to go back in time, I don't want to change my words. I want to change my ACTIONS for sure, to make sure none of this happened in the first place, but as far as not confessing the evil thoughts I had right before doing the action, the not confessing part is the part I'm "sorry but also not sorry" about. How on earth do I get right with God about this?

 

[YahuahSaves]

I think I am not going to be forgiven if I don't confess this

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his...

www.christianforums.com

This thread, too, pretty much sums up my issues...

I just feel horrible that I've been deceitful in the past, but I feel like my repentance isn't truly genuine because, if given the chance to go back in time, I don't want to change my words. I want to change my ACTIONS for sure, to make sure none of this happened in the first place, but as far as not confessing the evil thoughts I had right before doing the action, the not confessing part is the part I'm "sorry but also not sorry" about. How on earth do I get right with God about this?

OK I read it.

unday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him

Being a Christian you will be aware there is an enemy at work (satan). He often attacks people in their mind and emotions. Considering you and your boyfriend were play fighting, you may have gotten frustrated and satan manipulates those negative emotions within us and makes us believe any violent thoughts we have are our own. No need to mention it to your boyfriend, you've already apologised to him. Just read the bible and speak to God about the issues you're having and ask for his help. Ephesians 6:12

 

[LaundrySoap]

I guess where I'm stuck is: in these instances, I've apologized to people--"im sorry for X, please let me fix it, are you okay," without mentioning that I did the act on purpose and then immediately felt terrible. Like when I woke my boyfriend. So then I've let them think it was an accident. None of these things has been a big deal, and most of them have been forgotten by others. But I felt/feel as if I'd added the evil thoughts and intentions I'd had, however brief, then they'd think I was a horrible person. And I've been plagued, too, by this obsessive need to confess bad thoughts so people know just how horrible I am.

But I didn't confess the bad thoughts and intentions. I just tried to make things right, but I also lied by omission.

And so I don't know how to repent of this, because I don't want to act on these stupid thoughts in the future, I want to take back my actions in the past, but I wouldn't take back my lies by omission because it kept things from getting worse.

So how do I ask God to forgive me of a sin I wouldn't go back and change? I don't think it's necessary to tell everyone every bad thoughts have... but at the same time, I don't want to be deceptive.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Example: I told a half-lie to my boyfriend; I did something, minor, that seemed like a minor accident, but it was on purpose. I felt horrible immediately after, and I apologized, and that was that. But the way the incident happened, it seemed like an accident.

I recently read in a book that if we do something on purpose that we have to confess the sin ("I did this on purpose") and ask for forgiveness, versus only saying we're sorry in the case of an accident.

But do I need to confess every single evil thought I've had to other people (ie, my parents, or my friend)? Especially if what happens isn't a big deal and they forgot about it? I'm stuck on the deceit part--where I let them think it was an accident. Deceit is wrong but I just can't bring myself to review every little incident where I did something minor, but on purpose, and tell them "these things that looked like accidents were actually on purpose." I feel awful that there's a lie of sorts floating around, but I also wouldn't take it back because the alternative seems so extreme--to confess every horrible thought I had.

So, since I'm sorry about the whole thing--about the actions, and the deceit--but I wouldn't go back and change my deceitful apology to a confession of sin, would God still forgive me? I would go back and not let any of the situations happen in the first place, if I could.


Put in other words, in order to obtain God's forgiveness, do I need to get to the mindset where I would, if I could, change what I said when I apologized, to convey the whole truth? Do I actually need to sit down and write out all these instances and bring them to my boyfriend and anyone else I've wronged in the same way?

Repentance is "changing your mind". Regardless of the reason for lying , it is a sin and pretty damaging to your reputation if your caught. Then comes the blizzard lies, covering up one lie with another, this is an inevitable side effect. Pretty awful way to live.You need strength to overcome. I would pray that the Lord fill you with His Holy Spirit so that a path with truth can be more pleasing to you and that the fear of truth not be your stumbling block.
As far as restitution, admitting to friends and family that you have lied to them shows fruit of His Holy Spirit.

I'll pray for you.
Blessings.

 

[LaundrySoap]

Repentance is "changing your mind". Regardless of the reason for lying , it is a sin and pretty damaging to your reputation if your caught. Then comes the blizzard lies, covering up one lie with another, this is an inevitable side effect. Pretty awful way to live.You need strength to overcome. I would pray that the Lord fill you with His Holy Spirit so that a path with truth can be more pleasing to you and that the fear of truth not be your stumbling block.
As far as restitution, admitting to friends and family that you have lied to them shows fruit of His Holy Spirit.

I'll pray for you.
Blessings.

It makes sense but, am I needing to sit down and make a list of every time I omitted mention of having bad thoughts and intentions, and go to those people and remind them of minor incidents that they've already forgotten? And then tell them about the thoughts/intentions I had had at the time of the incident, so they have the full picture of what went on in my mind?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

It makes sense but, am I needing to sit down and make a list of every time I omitted mention of having bad thoughts and intentions, and go to those people and remind them of minor incidents that they've already forgotten? And then tell them about the thoughts/intentions I had had at the time of the incident, so they have the full picture of what went on in my mind?

I believe the Holy Spirit will lead you as you navigate each situation ,if you let Him.

 

[Mark Quayle]

Example: I told a half-lie to my boyfriend; I did something, minor, that seemed like a minor accident, but it was on purpose. I felt horrible immediately after, and I apologized, and that was that. But the way the incident happened, it seemed like an accident.

I recently read in a book that if we do something on purpose that we have to confess the sin ("I did this on purpose") and ask for forgiveness, versus only saying we're sorry in the case of an accident.

But do I need to confess every single evil thought I've had to other people (ie, my parents, or my friend)? Especially if what happens isn't a big deal and they forgot about it? I'm stuck on the deceit part--where I let them think it was an accident. Deceit is wrong but I just can't bring myself to review every little incident where I did something minor, but on purpose, and tell them "these things that looked like accidents were actually on purpose." I feel awful that there's a lie of sorts floating around, but I also wouldn't take it back because the alternative seems so extreme--to confess every horrible thought I had.

So, since I'm sorry about the whole thing--about the actions, and the deceit--but I wouldn't go back and change my deceitful apology to a confession of sin, would God still forgive me? I would go back and not let any of the situations happen in the first place, if I could.


Put in other words, in order to obtain God's forgiveness, do I need to get to the mindset where I would, if I could, change what I said when I apologized, to convey the whole truth? Do I actually need to sit down and write out all these instances and bring them to my boyfriend and anyone else I've wronged in the same way?

I remember, visiting a Texan family when I was young, where every time they prayed for a meal or after family devotions, the last thing the father (who always led) said, before "...in Jesus name, Amen." was, "Forgive us our sins". At the time it struck me as odd, but I realized it had its point. None of knows the extent of our sinfulness, and it is from our sinfulness that our individual sins come. Also, I have long rejected the notion that intentional sins are always know to the one intending them. So even if we were able to confess every individual sin known to us, the notion that that is enough is faulty. We cannot. In my opinion, when we truly confess our sinfulness we are confessing our sins, and when we confess our sins, we are asking him to cover the whole mess.

As for your last question, "confession" as required (1 John 1:9) for forgiveness does not in and of itself include repentance, but if there is no repentance one should question the confession. I.e. "confession" is admitting it was sin. A believer will repent, but I have to say this: In keeping with "Lord, help my unbelief" the experience of MANY confessing believers is that they sometimes simply don't know what to think and just ask God for mercy. They KNOW they are still sinful, and don't know what to do but cast themselves on his merciful arms. It's hard to spank a child who is hugging you around your knees!

A small note concerning 1 John 1:9, and to me very comforting and cheerful, is that (according to my dad, an authority of some note on Koine Greek), the tenses in the verse show that the forgiveness is a completed action in the past, though still contingent on the confession. Like this, "If we are confessing our sins, he is faithful and just to have already forgiven us our sins..." Edit: I thought I might add this note: Where 1 John 1:9 says, "...and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" in the Greek does not mean in the continuous action as 'confessing' that he is 'cleansing' us, but that it too is a completed action in the past, though still contingent on our confession. "You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you" (John 15:3) may well be relevant here, but definitely his blood having washed our sins away is relevant. It happened in the past, and is complete, if it happened at all.

 

[Diamond7]

But do I need to confess every single evil thought

We have to be humble before God. In the Parable
The Pharisee and Tax Collector
Luke 18 13 But the tax collector stood at a distance, unwilling even to lift up his eyes to heaven. Instead, he beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man, rather than the Pharisee, went home justified. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”…

 

[LaundrySoap]

Repentance is "changing your mind". Regardless of the reason for lying , it is a sin and pretty damaging to your reputation if your caught. Then comes the blizzard lies, covering up one lie with another, this is an inevitable side effect. Pretty awful way to live.You need strength to overcome. I would pray that the Lord fill you with His Holy Spirit so that a path with truth can be more pleasing to you and that the fear of truth not be your stumbling block.
As far as restitution, admitting to friends and family that you have lied to them shows fruit of His Holy Spirit.

I'll pray for you.
Blessings.

Hi Maria, I know this thread is kind of old but I just wanted to say--I was pretty snippy in my response to you so I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I hope you have a blessed Sunday.