Asexuality

[hartlandcat]

Amongst other things, the term 'asexual' can refer to a person who is not sexually attracted to anyone. Just to clarify, asexuality is different from celibacy, which is the abstinence from sexual behaviour.

With this definition in mind, what is your view of asexuals and asexuality? For example, do you view it as a chosen orientation, fixed or changeable etc.?

 

[Lycaenidae]

I view it as one more thing for the "awareness" groups on campus to make me aware of.

 

[Merlin]

Amongst other things, the term 'asexual' can refer to a person who is not sexually attracted to anyone. Just to clarify, asexuality is different from celibacy, which is the abstinence from sexual behaviour.

With this definition in mind, what is your view of asexuals and asexuality? For example, do you view it as a chosen orientation, fixed or changeable etc.?

-Chosen
-Changable

 

[hartlandcat]

-Chosen
-Changable

Could you perhaps explain your reasons for these views? It would be very interesting for me personally, since I regard myself as being asexual. If I interpret your response correctly, you believe that I made a conscious decision not to be sexually attracted to anyone, and that I could decide to be sexually attracted to either males or females (or both) at any point, right?

Also, since you believe that my 'orientation' is changeable, do you also believe that I should change it (and presumably become heterosexual), or what?

Thanks!

 

[Katya]

I'm not sure whether it's chosen or not. but I do think it's changeable. Nothing is ever set it stone, except maybe the commandments Everything changes. You feel one way one minute, then a few years down the track, you could feel completely different. And now that i think about it. I think it is chosen as well. It may not be a conscious choice, but you still choose it.

 

[Lycaenidae]

Could you perhaps explain your reasons for these views? It would be very interesting for me personally, since I regard myself as being asexual. If I interpret your response correctly, you believe that I made a conscious decision not to be sexually attracted to anyone, and that I could decide to be sexually attracted to either males or females (or both) at any point, right?

Also, since you believe that my 'orientation' is changeable, do you also believe that I should change it (and presumably become heterosexual), or what?

Thanks!

I think that you're 16 and need to give it time. That said, I think asexuality is either bs or a physiological defect. The reproductive drive is just so fundamental to living organisms, it's hard to imagine somebody without any kind of sex drive at all. Unless you're a non-reproductive member of a eusocial insect colony, in which case no sex drive would be normal.

 

[FSTDT]

Amongst other things, the term 'asexual' can refer to a person who is not sexually attracted to anyone. Just to clarify, asexuality is different from celibacy, which is the abstinence from sexual behaviour.

With this definition in mind, what is your view of asexuals and asexuality? For example, do you view it as a chosen orientation, fixed or changeable etc.?

Generally, I view asexuals as indifferently as view I view heterosexuality or homosexuality. I'm not sure if I would call it a sexual orientation, and I'm not sure if I'd call it a lack of sexual orientation, I might call it a total apathy toward sexual relationships - I've known asexuals who have never felt any less asexual than they do right now, and the fact that I dont think it even makes sense to saythat someone 'chooses' not to be sexually attracted to anyone, I would consider asexuality to be completely innate. I'm sure its possible to will yourself to have sex with others, but it would be utterly awkward and perhaps even mentally unnerving (it'd be comparable to someone who doesnt like the taste of liver trying to choke down a liver), so in this sense I would consider it a fixed orientation.

 

[bumblebee62331]

I think it's unchosen. If you have no interest in sex, it's hard to believe that that would be totally chosen. Even if you chose to abstain, everybody goes through stages of feeling something, anything for someone else. It doesn't have to be "sinful" thoughts or anything, but at least something.

I'm not sure if it's changeable. Maybe with some sort of medication (ie. hormones etc) because I"m not sure what causes it. You might grow out of it, or you might not. I have no idea.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[praying]

Amongst other things, the term 'asexual' can refer to a person who is not sexually attracted to anyone. Just to clarify, asexuality is different from celibacy, which is the abstinence from sexual behaviour.

With this definition in mind, what is your view of asexuals and asexuality? For example, do you view it as a chosen orientation, fixed or changeable etc.?

Celibacy is not the "abstinence from sexual behaviour", it is quite simply not having sex. I can kiss and engage in all sorts of sexual behavior yet still remain celibate.

As to the ulimate question, I have no idea and I can't imagine being completely asexual.

 

[Merlin]

Could you perhaps explain your reasons for these views? It would be very interesting for me personally, since I regard myself as being asexual. If I interpret your response correctly, you believe that I made a conscious decision not to be sexually attracted to anyone, and that I could decide to be sexually attracted to either males or females (or both) at any point, right?

Also, since you believe that my 'orientation' is changeable, do you also believe that I should change it (and presumably become heterosexual), or what?

Thanks!

Hello,

I do not believe the choice was a conscious one, but rather deep in the subconscious.
Such can be changed. I work to assist people in making subconscious changes all the time.

I am not aware of any Biblical mandate for change.
Change should be your choice.

 

[JimmyKoKoPop]

I think that you're 16 and need to give it time. That said, I think asexuality is either bs or a physiological defect. The reproductive drive is just so fundamental to living organisms, it's hard to imagine somebody without any kind of sex drive at all. Unless you're a non-reproductive member of a eusocial insect colony, in which case no sex drive would be normal.

Being asexual doesn't have to mean there is no sex drive, as I understand it. It just means one isn't interested in sex.

 

[Spherical Time]

-Chosen
-Changable

-Unchosen
-Unchangable

Funny how that worked, out, eh?

 

[Merlin]

-Unchosen
-Unchangable

Funny how that worked, out, eh?

So, can you explain what you mean here?

 

[Spherical Time]

-Unchosen
-Unchangable

Funny how that worked, out, eh?

So, can you explain what you mean here?

What I mean by "Funny how that worked out, eh?" was that my response was the polar opposite of yours.

 

[Lokisdottir]

-Unchosen
-Can change, but probably not as a result of effort; more likely it "just happens." I've known it to do so.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Being asexual doesn't have to mean there is no sex drive, as I understand it. It just means one isn't interested in sex.

That describes me.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

I'm not sure if it's changeable. Maybe with some sort of medication (ie. hormones etc) because I"m not sure what causes it. You might grow out of it, or you might not. I have no idea.

I am a 34 year old male virgin who has never even kissed a woman or held a woman's hand.

Both times that I took the anti-depressant Paxil my libido increased dramatically. But I didn't suddenly want to have physical relations with a partner. I didn't then "feel normal"--I just felt like I was on drugs (which I was). It was a nuisance that I was not prepared to cope with, and I am convinced that it contributed to my losing my job of 5 1/2 years.

When I was 12 years old I made the conscious decision that the only way I was ever going to "have sex" was with a woman I am married to. Well, for various reasons marriage has never been on my radar screen. Meanwhile, I guess I consciously and sub-consciously arranged my life around that earlier decision. Add it all up and I am a 34 year old male virgin who is not inclined to have physical relations with a partner. Medication didn't change my inclination--it only made it more difficult to cope with.

I look at it like alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs. I'm not a Sociology PhD, but I think it is common knowledge that nobody starts using that stuff in their forties. People start using alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs when they are teenagers and young adults, and they form habits. Those who don't try alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs at those early ages tend to never start. At least that is my understanding. Meanwhile, it is my understanding that some people try the stuff, it doesn't appeal to them, and they never form a habit. Recreational sex is probably the same. At some point a person is past "trying it", it loses its habit-forming power, and a sex-free habit develops instead.

It is hard to explain. You decide against physical relations outside of certain circumstances and before you can secure those circumstances your drive to have physical relations diminishes. You are therefore less motivated to work on securing those circumstances. And so on.

We discussed a lot of this in an earlier thread. [thread=2122629]Click Here[/thread]. In a mean spirited way it was stated that I am "confused". People insinuated that I am in denial. But all it did was further convince me that sexual attitudes, values and behavior are either learned, self-inflicted, or some combination of both--much like the casual use of alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs (I stress casual use--abuse is a different story).

There is an important difference between sex and alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs, of course. Sex can be part of a special relationship in one's life and can be part of reproduction. But when one gets into the habit of living life free of partner sex, one finds other ways to experience those things. And the importance of those other ways to a person doesn't suddenly change when medication changes one's biochemistry. At least that is what I think my experience teaches us.

 

[tocis]

Amongst other things, the term 'asexual' can refer to a person who is not sexually attracted to anyone.

I would like to point out that, by this definition, being asexual can easily mean that you are not sexually attracted to anyone you know.

Maybe the person who makes you hot is just around the corner?

But, if you turn out to be really asexual... well, who cares? Some people are different in a "different" way, so to say.

 

[feral]

Interesting thread!

I don't know if the term asexual would describe me or not; I've had a few boyfriends and I was sexually active for a period of time, but it has been four years or more since I've been sexually active and I haven't dated in about three years. I was always quite apathetic about dating. I've never asked anyone out and I've only accepted dates because I've felt it was expected of me to have a boyfriend, not because I was particularly attracted to anyone. My view of sex is similar -- I thought it was expected of me, but my view of sex is pretty jaded and the subject does not interest me. I did have one serious relationship which lasted from the time I was 17-21, but that was not a sexual relationship, and the person I was with at that time is still a close, almost brotherly, friend, so our relationship was more like friendship than dating.

Personally, I don't think it is a chosen way of being, but it might be partially caused or influenced by other factors. I was sexually abused as a child, which probably has something to do with it. There is a theory proposed by Wendy Shallit, author of a terrific book on modesty, who says people who don't recieve sex ed in school are less likely to have casual sex, and I never had sex ed until high school (private school, don't you love it?), although I have no idea why that would make a difference. I just don't remember a point in my life where I consciously decided I wouldn't be into dating, although I have known, not opined, from an early age that I will never marry, and the idea of childbirth repulses me, so I guess those are two factors that may have shaped my decision, if it was a decision to make.

Can it change? Sure, I guess. I've felt attraction before, although in my case it's almost always to "safe" people, who are unavailable either through distance or sexual orientation; my 'crush' list is almost completely celebrities and gay male friends of mine. If you can feel attraction, you can probably eventually feel it for someone close to you. Besides, nothing is static. I don't think it's important to work towards change unless it bothers you, but I'm sure change is possible if you want it.

 

[Merlin]

>What I mean by "Funny how that worked out, eh?" was that my response was the polar opposite of yours.

Oh.