Oh I will. It's a good sign when you don't want my thanks to go to you, but to God instead (but you will get some of it too). In moments like these there is no ego, ego doesn't get to do anything, and we see all good things coming from God, making their rounds in us, and then returning back to Him with our thanks, if we were wise and grateful enough to thank Him.
About me calming you down, oh man I hope that I'd be so much better at it, at calming and encouraging others. I have seen you venting lately, but I understood my weakness so I kept silent. You were very clear about feeling others being patronizing towards you, and whatever I would have said would have probably added to it. So I just said a prayer and let you vent, since it's a thing we sometimes need, and when I was there thinking about my inability, I saw other brothers and sisters trying to encourage you and they did a better job than I would have. I was glad to see it, for your sake and mine.
There's something about encouragement, isn't there, even when it's of a stumbling kind? If I need encouragement now, and someone tries but can't seem to find the right words, isn't that infinitely better than having a heartless creep who says all the right things? We only need a genuine gesture to remind us of God's love, we don't want magical performances.
Oh and that woman who you moved, there you go. It didn't take a spectacle to do it, in fact a spectacle is nothing compared to something like that when the soul is really moved and we know where it comes from. And if there is a suffering lowly brother or sister giving us something, like you gave to that woman, we'd rather take that than any bags of gold from the finest kings, because we know that person isn't tricking us or trying to get something out of us, they're only giving what they give because it delights them and it is the will of God Himself. Nothing can take anything like that away and this is where the strongest faiths are molded, in people who are basically nothing in the world. If I want to see a strong faith, I shouldn't buy a ticket to a concert hall where whatever celebrity of the week is preaching and selling their books. I should go to the gutter instead where there is no earthly glory or glitter, where the nothings share from what they seemingly don't even have, and they do it like they had the pure heart of Christ. These are the people who really hold on to God, if they so decide. One sister told me about a time when she went to help the homeless and share the word while she was at it. But she didn't, the homeless man kindly started preaching to her before she even started. She was the one who was given the most.
I like to think this is God's way of explaining to me my constant questions about life and my situation. The one about God's Fairness is one that I know is true but have a hard time coming to terms with.
It's something I've thought about a lot. We have the hardest time explaining something to ourselves. It's easier when it's about someone else, because then our ego, our bitterness or whatever filth of the old man doesn't get in the way. It's removed from the equation. If someone near you falls, you can help them up. If someone falls into some kind of spiritual trap and despairs, you can comfort them with simple truths of Christ, or at the very least be there with them until they get out. You can do that with a pure heart and know that there is no lie involved. But when we're supposed to deal with our own crap, then it's a problem.
Much like if we just think about the goodness of God and imagine the most wonderful grace we can think of, if we get comforted by the mere thought of it, we're not looking at ourselves, our self isn't in the way and we can see good things as they are. But whenever we have to look at ourselves through our already twisted self-lens, everything is wrong. We can look at others and see, how many people are good at helping others out of their pits, but when they fall into the same pit, they start to struggle. It's like whatever baggage we have, the kind that we can't help, isn't enough and we start to add on to it. We add to our existing complications so easily.
But indeed I believe it's pretty much like you said. We can teach ourselves in a roundabout way, even if it's ultimately God who teaches, but we get to be in the middle of it. We can hold on to the finest truths when we're reaching out to God, or thinking of Him, or when we are doing something for someone else. Much like what you're doing with these haikus, you're reaching out and it's plain to see that you do have a grasp on many simple comforting truths, God has taught you well and your heart is changed, bit by bit, because of it, and you will be a blessing to many, just as you already have been. You will only get better at it, and you have a creative way to help you get there. The ideas won't stop. If it seems they do stop, just wait.
