Deep6sleep,
Your post made me so sad. Some couples have it so hard---unequally yoked or not.
It strikes me that this is not a matter of religion as such but of something much deeper--a matter of one partner losing perspective and becoming a fanatic.
It could just as well be all for a cause such as the environment---that if you don't immerse yourself as fully as she, then you have no social responsibilty. Or she might make your home a shelter for cats with a no-kill plicy, and when you complain about being over-run by cats, you have no feeling for animals. Or that you don't spend every waking hour picketing an abortion clinic---have you no reverence for life of the unborn?
What is glaringly missing in your marriage is mutual respect.
It strikes me that your wife's approach is above all, counter productive. Ask yourself, just how likely is she to win souls for Christ with the approach she has used with you? If you were not married you simply would walk away, right? (In fact that is just what you are doing, but just to the other room)
I think you would best consider counselling. If she won't particpate, then go for yourself. You can't make her change, but you can arrive at what is the best policy for you.
Again, I am sorry to read of your situation. Again, I think this has less to do with religion than your wife losing perspective and becoming fanatical---the fundamentalist religion being more or less incidental.
God bless,
dandymandy,
I don't want to hijack this thread and make this a pity party for myself so I will just clarify some things in response to your comments. (BTW thanks for the kind words)
You are right, being fanatical about a cause can certainly destroy a marriage. The difference is her cause has a reference work (bible) that can be used to do whatever she wants, if she finds the quotes that suit her. And to top that off, those words aren't hers, they are "the word of God". If she wants to compell me to believe, behave or do something that she deems right, all she has to do is find a scriptural passage, quote it and
use/distort it any way she wants in order to state her case. That in itself makes her "cause" more destructive than some political or enviromental issue, IMHO.
Your are right, there is no mutual respect. But in her world it doesn't matter. I don't believe as she, I am damned and am the enemy. How I lead my life is of no consequence. I accompany her to her church. I support her financially with a very good income and retirement. She was an at home mom and I was home a lot to take care of our kids. I don't steal, murder, bear false witness, lie, commit adultery, I do swear occasionally
, covet my neighbors goods, make and worship idols, I honor my parents,. She acknowledges these things, but it makes no difference in her behavior towards me, because if I am not born again, I am immoral, no matter how I act or what I do. Period.
As far as counseling. I went for 6 years alone. She refused after the first session, because the counselor held her responsible for her disrespectful behavior. She said wouldn't go because the counselor wasn't a "christian" counselor. We went to a christian counselor of her choice. He said the same thing and after a few sessions she quit again.
She is a fanatic to be sure. The world to her is always black and white, no inbetween. Mind you, she was not always like this. The first 15 years of our marriage was wonderful. Her conversion, and then distortion of how a "true Christian" should live has put an unbelievable strain on what was once a very good marriage. If children were not involved, I would most likely have parted ways. Thankfully, they have turned out to be good kids, actually christians, which I supported. I don't think they are the kind of christians my wife wants, as they are not hard core fundamentalists, but just the same, they live a christlike life and are very moral, kind and compassionate.
Again, I don't want this to be a thread about my situation. It is what it is, and I'm fairly happy, as things have quieted down the past few years. What has not changed is how I am viewed by my wife. Someone whom I devoted my best years to, as a good husband and father. But that means nothing unless I declare myself "born again"; and nothing that has happened in my life has hurt me as much as this.
I have gotten over this disappointment, but it dramatically changed how I view my spouse. I still love her dearly, but live my life more for me these days, and keep what she says in perspective and don't put much thought into her words towards me. Nuff said....now back on topic. Thanks for letting me rant
Deep6
