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seriously? You coudn't pay me to do that!
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Are you completely faithful in your marriage?
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Honestly, I don't exactly do it all the way either. It's a pretty disgusting part of our bodies, no matter who you are. I know that this is getting explicit, but have you ever tasted sperm? As a young married couple, he knows that I refuse to do that until he's completely changed his diet. Why? Diets high is animal proteins and fats cause it to taste so disgusting that the one time I did dare to do such a thing I threw up -- which I, at the time, was a rare occurance.
The sexual part of your marriage shouldn't be what determines whether you are happy or not though. If you want happiness, then you should search for ways to keep things happy. Do stuff. Fill up all your time with activities and simply be happy. Most people who are unhappy in things like friendships and marriages are unhappy because they choose to be. We always have a choice, to look at things as negative or positive. To end a marriage simply because you are unhappy, is like a cop-out in my opinion. Some of the longest lasting marriages are ones that lasted and thrived because of the couple making it through good and bad times without simply giving up because they weren't happy with how things were.
If she really did do those things before and simply refuses because she thinks they are disgusting, you seriously need to check your into the relationship and realize that she knows what she likes and doesn't like and I'm sure that the only things you like are things she dislikes and visa versa.
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First, there's no problem. A problem is when something has gone wrong. Nothing has gone wrong; the two of you aren't sure what you like and what you don't and don't really know yet how to please each other. Perfectly normal for folks who haven't been married too long. There is no shame in being ignornat. There is no problem in being ignorant.
Together you can begin to change that. Take your time. Mix up old standards with experiments. Talk to each other. Perfect some new skills before moving on... Be gentle and patient with one another.
Sometimes you'll try something... and it will be clear that one of you likes it a whole lot more than the other. To reject an activity, or to back off and try it another day or another way is not a rejection of the person or their sexuality. That's hard for us because we don't have that model. The only model we are offered is Hollywood and that is so far from real sex! No one ever says "No! Wait! My leg doesn't bend that way!" and no one in bed on screen laughs much, but I'm biased, I think my husband is often his funniest in bed.
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<staff edit> your cheating him if he does it for you and you dont do it for him? sperm is not exactly the flavor of the month at baskin robins but it should not have caused you to puke, there is something mental going on there. Anyways im not coping out of the marriage if we did seperate it would not be at the drop of a hat we have been working at this for over a year now, I always think about the sexual things I love that she has started to flat out refuse about a year ago. People are unhappy because they are not getting what they need in life, there has to be good times along with the bad times and the good times should be more than the bad times otherwise you are subject to burn out and frustration. Like someone said in another post we are humans not robots and can not be expected to act like robots, people do the best they can but everyone has there breaking point. Its also really hard when you hear about other happy couples who are meeting each others sexual needs without the drama and pain and think why do I have to live like this for no reason just because my spouse has a mental hang up I have to suffer for the rest of my life you start to get resentful, once again thats life we are not robots. People always talk about going out and getting what you want out of life (job, car, etc) but for some reason we are suppost to stop short at a satisfynig sex life that does not make any sense, why is there such heavy expectation to suffer through a crappy sex life but not any other aspect in life, that fact alone is enough to drive you crazy.
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Giving him oral sex doesn't have to do with making him [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], and he's never done it to me to an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Obviously it would be cheating him if we were going that far for myself and not for him, but we aren't and don't plan on it until we've both finally become vegetarians.
How can you possibly say that it is a mental thing? It was one of the most vile things I've ever tasted in my life, there is nothing mental about that. It is, what it is.
I think you are addressing your wifes issues too lightly. If she stopped doing these things with the purpose of hurting you and being cruel it would be one thing, but if she does have some kind of mental hang-up about it, you should simply get over it.
And no, we are not robots. Thus, we possess the ability to be understanding, caring, and to attach emotions with our issues, whether good or bad. It seems you are so ready and willing to attach an mental hang-up problem to both my issue and your that of your wife -- but the same could be said about your hang-up with not getting exactly what you want and thus allowing yourself to become to upset and resentful that you'd suggest divorce/seperation or an affair. If we should just get over our problems, which mine was particularly physical though you labelled it a mental thing, then you should also just be able to get over your problems with it. Otherwise you are suggesting that your wife be the giver and you simply be the taker, which is a problem.
...and people wander why we have such a ridiculous high amount of divorces each year...
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Your basicly telling me to do something I have not been able to do in over a year because I am missing out on a great part of life because my wife has a hang up. What if your husband decided not to hug you or kiss you anymore because he dident like to, there are certian expectations when you are with someone and people dont just "get over it" when they are the ones being denyed. Are you telling me you would be ok with your husband not wanting to touch you or hug you or kiss you if he dident like it and that you could "get over it", I dont think so, so why set that double standard for others. At least your husband has a path forward, if he stops eating meat for the most part (fish probably wont be bad) then you will start sucking him off, if I could just change a behavior on my part that would cause my wife to swallow and rim me you can bet that would be priority number one. But when she just out and out refuses to do it there is not much hope or motivation on my part, maybe that is being a little selfish but im not a robot and when my wife was doing thoes things for me our lives were great and she even admited it which sometimes makes me think she has a mental disorder why would she throw away happieness in life with me because oh I think its kinda gross to blow my husbands mind.
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From what I've read so far of all your posts you sound so close-minded about the subject that it feels ridiculous and pointless to even try and discuss it with you. To let two part of your sexual relationship, despite the fact that there are many more things that can and I'd be willing to bet, do go on in your relationship, ruin your whole life and relationship with one another seems awfully petty. It would seem more apparent that you'd be the one with the mental disorder, by letting these things completely destroy you, rather than her finding that she developed such a strong dislike or distaste for these acts that she refused to do them.
Someone who stops touching, kissing, and/or hugging is COMPLETELY different from refusing to participate in an act that isn't necessary for both personal and sexual intimacy.
<staff edit>
Pre-[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] the liquid in both male and female bodies is drastically different from that post-[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].
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Its your opinion that its COMPLEATLY different, just like your husband not hugging or touching you would devistate you, my wife not being sexual with me in a way that is meaningful to me devistates me. What is meaningful and what is not is dependant upon the individual. It is very frustrating when someone tells you your desires and needs are secondary or not meaningful so its ok to put them aside. Its not completely different. If you dont want to talk about it anymore thats up to you and im sorry you cant see my side of it, its not like I have just threw my hands up in the air I have been busting my butt for a year trying to make this work and I dont get any credit all I get is pain and drama. Peoples should be able to seek happieness and should not be expected to live miserable.
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Adam "knew Eve". Sex is relational before it is merely physical. Arguments about selfishness aren't at all relevant. Any person in a marriage who does not participate in enhancing relationship, which will include satisfying sex, in not fulfilling God's ideal for their marriage.
inappropriate content, substitutionary masturbation, reluctance, mere compliance are equally destructive of marriage as God intended.
John
NZ
inappropriate content, substitutionary masturbation, reluctance, mere compliance are equally destructive of marriage as God intended.
John
NZ
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An article on Christianity Today (http://www.christianitytoday.com/marriage/features/realsex/4.0.html) explains my thoughts on this matter more clearly I think.
Human touch is a necessary part of intimacy. It's been proven to be important for newborns to have a lot of skin to skin contact with their parents. This is also seen in many different parts of the animal kingdom (although, obviously not all). To never have any contact would like hugging, kissing, or other skin-to-skin contact would to not give any kind of intimacy to the person you've married. That is a necessary part of being married though, as it is what connects us. Intimacy isn't something that requires tons of different actions, it is a basic idea that through much of nature is clearly seen to not be too different different (basically just a loving touch).
I know how common it is and I've even noticed myself doing this, but we tend to set up our own standards for intimacy though as a requirement to keep us satisfied. We don't actually need these things, but we want them. Sexual activity is scripturally seen as a necessity, as it is commanded that we fulfill one another sexually. There is a but there though, because although we are to fulfill one another, if we set standards for our intimacy that our spouse's feel either uncomfortable with or cannot do or feel as though they are violating their own convictions, WE are the one's who have violated the other person. We are setting standards the other person can't seem to meet. I'm not saying you need to have low standards for a marriage to work, but it's really easy to get caught up in setting our standards really high and forgetting that there is some middle ground.
When we do set these standards, we are focusing on only what we can get and not what we can give. I know that it is kind of an idealistic theory, but I've also read and seen on talk-shows (and don't just put that down if you all don't believe those are accurate than simply ignore this and get over it, but even Jesus talks about how much more fulfilling it is to give than to just recieve) that this shifting of focus on both parts can lead to a much better fulfilled sexual life with a mate.
If a spouse is purposefully doing something like not engaging in sexual acts as a sort of punishment to you, than of course, that is wrong. It isn't fair and something needs to be done. A year though, and even a few years, is only a small part of people's lifetimes though, and I really wouldn't encourage anyone to simply give up after working so hard because they haven't seen positive results yet.
Human touch is a necessary part of intimacy. It's been proven to be important for newborns to have a lot of skin to skin contact with their parents. This is also seen in many different parts of the animal kingdom (although, obviously not all). To never have any contact would like hugging, kissing, or other skin-to-skin contact would to not give any kind of intimacy to the person you've married. That is a necessary part of being married though, as it is what connects us. Intimacy isn't something that requires tons of different actions, it is a basic idea that through much of nature is clearly seen to not be too different different (basically just a loving touch).
I know how common it is and I've even noticed myself doing this, but we tend to set up our own standards for intimacy though as a requirement to keep us satisfied. We don't actually need these things, but we want them. Sexual activity is scripturally seen as a necessity, as it is commanded that we fulfill one another sexually. There is a but there though, because although we are to fulfill one another, if we set standards for our intimacy that our spouse's feel either uncomfortable with or cannot do or feel as though they are violating their own convictions, WE are the one's who have violated the other person. We are setting standards the other person can't seem to meet. I'm not saying you need to have low standards for a marriage to work, but it's really easy to get caught up in setting our standards really high and forgetting that there is some middle ground.
When we do set these standards, we are focusing on only what we can get and not what we can give. I know that it is kind of an idealistic theory, but I've also read and seen on talk-shows (and don't just put that down if you all don't believe those are accurate than simply ignore this and get over it, but even Jesus talks about how much more fulfilling it is to give than to just recieve) that this shifting of focus on both parts can lead to a much better fulfilled sexual life with a mate.
If a spouse is purposefully doing something like not engaging in sexual acts as a sort of punishment to you, than of course, that is wrong. It isn't fair and something needs to be done. A year though, and even a few years, is only a small part of people's lifetimes though, and I really wouldn't encourage anyone to simply give up after working so hard because they haven't seen positive results yet.
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Are you suggesting that God was disgusted at what He created? That is sad indeed if you are.
John
NZ
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Henaynei
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Do you consider yourself completely faithful in your marriage?
yes, completely
I'm sure for most here this will be a no brainer question, but I'd like to know to what extent?
I take very seriously "keeping thyself only unto him" - many here will call it extreme, but it actually goes back to earlier times with modesty meant more than not showing cleavage.... I don't hug other men, I don't shake hands with other men, except in a business transaction.... I don't engage other men in conversation alone, allow myself to be alone with other men, even online.... my exclusivity, physically, emotionally and intellectually, belongs to my husband and I do these things to honor both G-d and my marriage - we minister together or we minister to same gender
Is there any area you feel like you could improve on?
perhaps, I should take that to prayer
Such as maybe you have secret interests in other persons, or you look at the opposite gender a little too much or maybe you ignore your spouses needs?
well, sometimes I do not respond as I perhaps could to dh's needs.... I've never been one drawn to a man for his looks and by avoiding solitary contact I also avoid any temptation to emotional infidelity
And if you consider yourself completely faithful in every way, please explain how or why you believe yourself to be so so we can see what a completely faithful person might look like.
is this honest or tongue-in-cheek?
Thanks.
sure, I guess
This ought to be interesting if anyone responds.
I look forward to reading your response
Total honesty please.
done
yes, completely
I'm sure for most here this will be a no brainer question, but I'd like to know to what extent?
I take very seriously "keeping thyself only unto him" - many here will call it extreme, but it actually goes back to earlier times with modesty meant more than not showing cleavage.... I don't hug other men, I don't shake hands with other men, except in a business transaction.... I don't engage other men in conversation alone, allow myself to be alone with other men, even online.... my exclusivity, physically, emotionally and intellectually, belongs to my husband and I do these things to honor both G-d and my marriage - we minister together or we minister to same gender
Is there any area you feel like you could improve on?
perhaps, I should take that to prayer
Such as maybe you have secret interests in other persons, or you look at the opposite gender a little too much or maybe you ignore your spouses needs?
well, sometimes I do not respond as I perhaps could to dh's needs.... I've never been one drawn to a man for his looks and by avoiding solitary contact I also avoid any temptation to emotional infidelity
And if you consider yourself completely faithful in every way, please explain how or why you believe yourself to be so so we can see what a completely faithful person might look like.
is this honest or tongue-in-cheek?
Thanks.
sure, I guess
This ought to be interesting if anyone responds.
I look forward to reading your response
Total honesty please.
done
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Lol, no, that is reading into the statement way too much. Feces is one of the most germ-ridden of the bodily excrement we produce. It comes out of our anus, which of course you can try to clean as best as possible, but you can't get rid of all of those germs which are potentially harmful. Disgusting can be used in many different ways, and at this moment is being used to describe a place on our body with is naturally gross as that is it's job, to rid the inside of our bodies from gross things.
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snoochface
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This is where the confusion lies from your comment. You responded to not "finishing all the way" when giving oral sex, and said it was one of the most disgusting parts of the body. You even asked if rppearso had ever tasted sperm. So it sounded like you were calling the penis, or sperm, disgusting -- not feces or the anus.
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Million Pieces
SHMILY
MOD HAT ON
Please keep your comments and language at an appropriate level. While this remains an adults only area, there are still appropriate boundaries to be observed.
MOD HAT OFF
Please keep your comments and language at an appropriate level. While this remains an adults only area, there are still appropriate boundaries to be observed.
MOD HAT OFF
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No, I was addressing his response statement by statement in one paragraph. At first I was speaking about the oral stimulation of the anus bit, and then the idea of oral sex came up. It really was a misunderstanding.
Million Pieces said:
I feel immature kind of, but I'm really unsure as to what are acceptable and appropriate words in the adult only area's. Especially, since we are discussing something so specifically explicit...
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Million Pieces
SHMILY
Vulgar or lewd phrases used to describe sexual acts would be considered inappropriate. Quoting the same phrases used by other posts would still be subject to review.
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