Are Some Prayers An Exercise In Futility?

[exitstageright]

In the bilble,it says to be equality yoked. I only ask Christian women out. What discourages me is this. This is the month of September ,the ninth month. And, in nine months,I have not had just one date.Every woman I asked out at church has told me, "No!" Women come up to me and complain that their men are alcoholics,smokers,illeagal drug users,are in trouble with the police. I never smoke,drink,use illeagal drugs,never been arrested and /or spent time in jail,or belonged to a gang. But,that is not good enough. I believed God rescued Daniel from the Lion's Den. I believe that God parted the Red Sea for Moses. But women are more complex that lions or bodies of water.Therefore I think that praying to God for a woman I like is fruitless. Because God is not going to override a woman's will. I use logic to solve problems,but I cannot seem to solve this problem. I grew up Black and poor in the ghetto. I managed to become a scientist. Every football and baseball team I made the team.. I played clarinet in the school band,. And,I was a B student. I was picked to be an extra in TV shows and movies. I did commericals. I once saw myself on a movie screen in a movie theater. Millions of people would love to have that experience! But,when it comes to romance and dealing with women,I tend to throw "snake eyes." Most of my acting jobs have been in live theater. After my shows, women come up to me and hug me.So apparently, women love the characters that I play on stage. But,women do not love Sylvester. Also,married christian women are more friendly toward me than single christian women. The married women tell me."Sylvester,you are a wonderful man I think any woman would be glad to have you!" But,that is not the case.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

Ask feedback from people who dare to be honest enough to provide truthful clues that may hurt. If this is a consistent pattern obviously there must be certain things that never make you the best choice for any single Christian woman. Feedback can be brutal of course, yet it may be necessary for proper understanding of the 'why'. You're divorced I noticed, have you already processed/understood what you could have done better in marriage?

 

[Richard T]

As an single, I think I have felt similar to the way you do. But to answer your question directly, yes some prayers are futile especially those without faith. That was exactly where I was, that though i had some connections and opportunities when i was younger I still found myself single. So I got real serious about this and found direction from God. My start though was this short teaching from K.E. Hagin, it is how to trust God for a mate and focus on him and not some individual woman whose will onlly she can control. Since then i have had success as I felt the help of God is on my side. Along with inspiring my faith, I spent time in prayer, even fasting, and it was pretty amazing the things that God did giving me a fiance.

Here the link to the teaching. https://events.rhema.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/LM45-Matter-of-a-Mate_2018.pdf

God bless, feel free to message especially if you are willing to look outside of the USA. There are some good Christian websites I can share for that.

 

[bèlla]

Good to see you and I hope you’re well.

This is a difficult period relationally for many primarily due to societal changes, shattered dreams, a loss of hope, financial struggles and gender wars. We’ve heard everything wrong with the other for several years and we’re still going. Add in inequities between men and women in respect to education and career and you have the makings for many problems.

I think social media has distorted our views of ourselves and one another. We’ve become accustomed to levels of appearance, relating and lifestyles that are largely false and trying to have the same. And our expectations are unrealistic. We want everything at once and we’re unwilling to wait.

We’ve been in an extended season of Neverland that needs to end to allow us to get back to normal and that’s the problem. We don’t know what it is anymore. You can’t expect a rational response from someone who spends hours on their phone consuming fantasy. Their mind is mush and that’s your clue.

You need someone grounded and you’ll find them within the church in areas that require sobermindedness. Like teaching, discipleship and intercession. When we lean too far into emotion we often can’t see the forest for the trees and miss opportunities. You want someone who values you in the raw and sees your potential and accustomed to doing so through their service. And your adventurous side will be a welcome change.

I would look for women who are more aligned with marriage and couples than the sisterhood because they‘ll keep you single. Look for someone serving and adding value to others and if you haven’t done the same you should do so. That’s your callimg card and you’ll get attention for the right reasons with others singing your praises.

You have everything you need to find the one you seek for the greatest role you’ll have. Don’t lose heart.

~bella

 

[exitstageright]

Ask feedback from people who dare to be honest enough to provide truthful clues that may hurt. If this is a consistent pattern obviously there must be certain things that never make you the best choice for any single Christian woman. Feedback can be brutal of course, yet it may be necessary for proper understanding of the 'why'. You're divorced I noticed, have you already processed/understood what you could have done better in marriage?

Before I proposed to my wife,I asked her I question. She is from the Phillipines. In the Navy,I hear guys complaining about their Phillipina Wfves expecting them to support their families. I asked her would this be a problem for us? She said,"No". I then asked her to marry me.She said,"Yes". But after we got married, she wanted us to get a $10,000 loan to send her sister to collage. I disagreed. Her relatives wanted 5 families to donate $2,000 each for a $10,000 down payment on a home. Four families agreed. When my mother-in law asked me,she kept on saying."Say yes,say yes". I kept telling her,"No!"My wife told me,"that's how we do it in the Phillipines." I told her,"but this is the United States. That is why we have banks in this country!" She even wanted to me to give my father-inlaw $50.00 a pay day. We met at work. The reason I wanted to start a relationship with a coworker,because we are both intelligent Clinical Lab Scientists. So that way,when I asked her out,she could not say,"I don't know you!"Many women,that I had asked out for a date,has said that to me.When I was in High School,I took a lot of Science Courses. After I told one girl that in collage.I want to be a Biology Major.She told me,"Oh, you just want to be like those White Guys." Needless to say,I stopped pursuing her. One co-worker wanted me to meet her friend. But her friend asked her,"What kind of car he (me) drives?" I told my co-worker,"No thanks,I am not intrestedte

Good to see you and I hope you’re well.

This is a difficult period relationally for many primarily due to societal changes, shattered dreams, a loss of hope, financial struggles and gender wars. We’ve heard everything wrong with the other for several years and we’re still going. Add in inequities between men and women in respect to education and career and you have the makings for many problems.

I think social media has distorted our views of ourselves and one another. We’ve become accustomed to levels of appearance, relating and lifestyles that are largely false and trying to have the same. And our expectations are unrealistic. We want everything at once and we’re unwilling to wait.

We’ve been in an extended season of Neverland that needs to end to allow us to get back to normal and that’s the problem. We don’t know what it is anymore. You can’t expect a rational response from someone who spends hours on their phone consuming fantasy. Their mind is mush and that’s your clue.

You need someone grounded and you’ll find them within the church in areas that require sobermindedness. Like teaching, discipleship and intercession. When we lean too far into emotion we often can’t see the forest for the trees and miss opportunities. You want someone who values you in the raw and sees your potential and accustomed to doing so through their service. And your adventurous side will be a welcome change.

I would look for women who are more aligned with marriage and couples than the sisterhood because they‘ll keep you single. Look for someone serving and adding value to others and if you haven’t done the same you should do so. That’s your callimg card and you’ll get attention for the right reasons with others singing your praises.

You have everything you need to find the one you seek for the greatest role you’ll have. Don’t lose heart.

~bella

I am doing well.But when you mention gender wars,I do not. I do not want to sound blasphemous. But NOW I know why Jesus did not get married while he was on earth. He (Jesus) had to already suffer enough. I have heard that,"You have to take the bitter with the sweet". But in my life of 71 years, so far I have seen more bitterness than sweetness. For example,In High School, was always being interested in science,and was a B student. When I told a girl that I wanted to be a Biology Major in collage. She told me,"Oh, you just want to be like those White guys" But I did not get into any fights or picked on in school,because I was also the Co-Caption of the football team.

 

[exitstageright]

Before I proposed to my wife,I asked her I question. She is from the Phillipines. In the Navy,I hear guys complaining about their Phillipina Wfves expecting them to support their families. I asked her would this be a problem for us? She said,"No". I then asked her to marry me.She said,"Yes". But after we got married, she wanted us to get a $10,000 loan to send her sister to collage. I disagreed. Her relatives wanted 5 families to donate $2,000 each for a $10,000 down payment on a home. Four families agreed. When my mother-in law asked me,she kept on saying."Say yes,say yes!". I kept telling her,"No!"My wife told me,"that's how we do it in the Phillipines." I told her,"But this is the United States. That is why we have banks in this country!" She even wanted to me to give my father-inlaw $50.00 a pay day. We met at work. The reason I wanted to start a relationship with a coworker,because we are both intelligent Clinical Lab Scientists. So that way,when I asked her out,she could not say,"I don't know you!"Many women,that I had asked out for a date,has said that to me.When I was in High School,I took a lot of Science Courses. After I told one girl that in collage.I want to be a Biology Major.She told me,"Oh, you just want to be like those White Guys." Needless to say,I stopped pursuing her. One co-worker wanted me to meet her friend. But her friend asked her,"What kind of car he (me) drives?" I told my co-worker,"No thanks,I am not interested"
That is why I got divorced.I was lied to.I was tired of being used. So I threw away the blues.

 

[exitstageright]

Good to see you and I hope you’re well.

This is a difficult period relationally for many primarily due to societal changes, shattered dreams, a loss of hope, financial struggles and gender wars. We’ve heard everything wrong with the other for several years and we’re still going. Add in inequities between men and women in respect to education and career and you have the makings for many problems.

I think social media has distorted our views of ourselves and one another. We’ve become accustomed to levels of appearance, relating and lifestyles that are largely false and trying to have the same. And our expectations are unrealistic. We want everything at once and we’re unwilling to wait.

We’ve been in an extended season of Neverland that needs to end to allow us to get back to normal and that’s the problem. We don’t know what it is anymore. You can’t expect a rational response from someone who spends hours on their phone consuming fantasy. Their mind is mush and that’s your clue.

You need someone grounded and you’ll find them within the church in areas that require sobermindedness. Like teaching, discipleship and intercession. When we lean too far into emotion we often can’t see the forest for the trees and miss opportunities. You want someone who values you in the raw and sees your potential and accustomed to doing so through their service. And your adventurous side will be a welcome change.

I would look for women who are more aligned with marriage and couples than the sisterhood because they‘ll keep you single. Look for someone serving and adding value to others and if you haven’t done the same you should do so. That’s your callimg card and you’ll get attention for the right reasons with others singing your praises.

You have everything you need to find the one you seek for the greatest role you’ll have. Don’t lose heart.

~bella

 

[exitstageright]

I am doing well.But when you mention gender wars,I do not. I do not want to sound blasphemous. But NOW I know why Jesus did not get married while he was on earth. He (Jesus) had to already suffer enough. I have heard that,"You have to take the bitter with the sweet". But in my life of 71 years, so far I have seen more bitterness than sweetness from women. For example,In High School, I was always being interested in science,and was a B student. When I told a girl that I wanted to be a Biology Major in collage. She told me,"Oh, you just want to be like those White boys" But I did not get into any fights or picked on in school,because I was also the Co-Caption of the football team.

 

[bèlla]

But after we got married, she wanted us to get a $10,000 loan to send her sister to collage. I disagreed. Her relatives wanted 5 families to donate $2,000 each for a $10,000 down payment on a home. Four families agreed. When my mother-in law asked me,she kept on saying."Say yes,say yes". I kept telling her,"No!"My wife told me,"that's how we do it in the Phillipines." I told her,"but this is the United States. That is why we have banks in this country!" She even wanted to me to give my father-inlaw $50.00 a pay day.

One of the reasons foreign women like American men is the belief they have more resources to support their family. And by that I mean the woman’s. This can snowball quickly and create a situation which makes the other feel like a human ATM and the other to feel he’s selfish. Cultural issues can be surmounted but it requires patience and honesty.

Betty Mahmoody wrote a famous book that became the film Not Without My Daughter. It was a gripping tale of her heart wrenching escape from the middle east and what she endured to retrieve her child. It left an imprint on my psyche concerning the realities of cross cultural dating and beyond one instance I’ve opted not to do so and remained with Caucasian men. I make no distinction between those born in America or elsewhere. Many appear to be Americanized at first glance but when you spend time in their home you’ll see otherwise.

Sometimes they’re taught to downplay their foreignness until the connection is solidified. It’s probable your former wife was aware if she admitted the truth the likelihood of progression would be less. Informed decisions are a must and I’m sorry you had that experience. It’s not your responsibility to financially support her loved ones or become Daddy Warbucks. This is one of the reasons I’ve never been open to connections along those lines and why I emphasize the necessity of vetting their family. They can be a blessing or make your life miserable.

We met at work. The reason I wanted to start a relationship with a coworker,because we are both intelligent Clinical Lab Scientists. So that way,when I asked her out,she could not say,"I don't know you!"Many women,that I had asked out for a date,has said that to me.When I was in High School,I took a lot of Science Courses. After I told one girl that in collage.I want to be a Biology Major.She told me,"Oh, you just want to be like those White Guys." Needless to say,I stopped pursuing her. One co-worker wanted me to meet her friend. But her friend asked her,"What kind of car he (me) drives?" I told my co-worker,"No thanks,I am not intrestedte

That’s understandable and I’ve reached similar conclusions for myself and limit my prospects to business owners. The common denominators and autonomy are strong points as is the mutual support and networking. As for the other, I needn’t tell you that’s a well worn trope and I’m glad you didn’t allow them to sway you against your career. It’s important to move beyond our comfort zone. I met a scientist many moons ago in this space while in college. She was incredibly intelligent and went by the name antimatter. Our conversations were rich and deep. I’ve never met another like her online. She was one of a kind.

When it comes to resources I’m on the other side of the fence and this only applies to myself and my children. I would never impress the same on someone else. Inequitable pairings can be fraught with mistrust, uncertainty and deception. When someone has the lion’s share of resources you have a power dynamic whether you admit it or not. Hollywood romanticizes the ideal but you see otherwise in the wild. The majority mate within similar levels of education and socioeconomic class. Exceptions exist but when you factor in longevity common denominators help.

Similarities in values and lifestyle are equally important and I’m beyond the stage of swimming against the grain or taking on challenges. And with the economy being what it is and the changing landscape of employment survival mode is being normalized. Which heightens the interest on earnings, debt and material spoils. Most people are looking for someone with means whether they admit it or not. But a suitor on equal footing can be quite appealing and the money issue is settled.

~bella

 

[timewerx]

Before I proposed to my wife,I asked her I question. She is from the Phillipines. In the Navy,I hear guys complaining about their Phillipina Wfves expecting them to support their families. I asked her would this be a problem for us? She said,"No". I then asked her to marry me.She said,"Yes". But after we got married, she wanted us to get a $10,000 loan to send her sister to collage. I disagreed. Her relatives wanted 5 families to donate $2,000 each for a $10,000 down payment on a home. Four families agreed. When my mother-in law asked me,she kept on saying."Say yes,say yes". I kept telling her,"No!"My wife told me,"that's how we do it in the Phillipines." I told her,"but this is the United States. That is why we have banks in this country!" She even wanted to me to give my father-inlaw $50.00 a pay day. We met at work. The reason I wanted to start a relationship with a coworker,because we are both intelligent Clinical Lab Scientists. So that way,when I asked her out,she could not say,"I don't know you!"Many women,that I had asked out for a date,has said that to me.When I was in High School,I took a lot of Science Courses. After I told one girl that in collage.I want to be a Biology Major.She told me,"Oh, you just want to be like those White Guys." Needless to say,I stopped pursuing her. One co-worker wanted me to meet her friend. But her friend asked her,"What kind of car he (me) drives?" I told my co-worker,"No thanks,I am not intrestedte

I'm from the Philippines and I can say that's inappropriate.

My sister married an American and already living in America. While we back home faced severe financial problems the last few years, I even suffered malnutrition and became significantly underweight from not having enough food to eat.

Yet I did not ask for single cent from them. I even keep telling my sister not to ask any money from her husband.

But my sister eventually offered financial help when she got a job. But the point is, the money she's giving us is money she worked hard for and not money she's getting for free from anyone.

Most of our earnings still come from my salary. I value work and not getting things for free. It just feels wrong to receive things for free unless you're unable to earn money due to disability for example.

Philippines don't have the same culture all over the country. It has regional cultures and some have inflated sense of entitlement. I'd try my best not marrying someone from those cultures.