are online relationships real relationships

[“Paisios”]

I am old enough to knew pen pals once existed but I thought a pen pal was some one you knew in the real world but circumstances made you move away from each other and as such you wrote one an other to stay in contact. Is that correct?

Sometimes, but sometimes it was a way for strangers from different cultures to connect.

 

[lambkisses]

Sometimes, but sometimes it was a way for strangers from different cultures to connect.

How do you meet these strangers though? Do you send letters to random people in a phone book and hope some one responds? Or was there some sort of list like in the back of a magazine?

 

[Edo2]

So would it be possible one day where we never leave our houses and interact with each other completely through the Internet. Where we may one day never have real world contact with another human ever again?

I hope not but someone could choose to have very little contact with the outside world now if they wanted.

 

[“Paisios”]

How do you meet these strangers though? Do you send letters to random people in a phone book and hope some one responds? Or was there some sort of list like in the back of a magazine?

Yeah, there used to be groups and organizations, both secular and religious, that would arrange pen pals. I seem to remember seeing some of them advertised in magazines, and we sometimes heard about them in school, too. One year (4th or 6th grade), our teachers set us up with international pen pals as a class assignment.

 

[lambkisses]

Yeah, there used to be groups and organizations, both secular and religious, that would arrange pen pals. I seem to remember seeing some of them advertised in magazines, and we sometimes heard about them in school, too. One year (4th or 6th grade), our teachers set us up with international pen pals as a class assignment.

Neat

 

[DZoolander]

I definitely think it was appropriate to hold her responsible for his death to that degree that she was.

The fact that his response was crazy, or that he allowed things to get that far where she had that degree of influence over him, is irrelevant. She knew she had that degree of influence, and chose to wield it in an unconscionable way. If you in a drunken stupor give me the keys to your lamborghini believing I know what I'm doing, yeah you ought not have done that. But if I take those keys and wreck your car intentionally, it makes me a scumbag.

...and when the stakes are as high as someone's life - you ought be punished for choosing to be a scumbag IMHO.

 

[mina]

For teenagers that may not have had previous romantic relationships offline, it probably was very real and emotional to them.

 

[Dave-W]

So if that is tge case how do you find these people in other countries to write to ?

There were a number of ways.

One was by the school systems of "sister cities." Another was some kind of international organization which was a clearing house for pen pals. You could register and they would send you addresses of various people write to.

 

[lambkisses]

There were a number of ways.

One was by the school systems of "sister cities." Another was some kind of international organization which was a clearing house for pen pals. You could register and they would send you addresses of various people write to.

Wow, really before my time.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well technically speaking it is a legit "online relationship". However.... you can be as perfect as can be when online. But I tell people meet before you take it as far as marrying because talking online is not the same as meeting in person. Once your in person you will find things that you wouldn't have known about otherwise. Maybe the person likes to pick their nose alot. Maybe they ignore you in person more because they like to play video games. There are ALOT of things you will notice when in person.

But I also find people who are shocked when they meet in person about how the person is, is because they never asked the right question online. Like what kind of personal habits do they have. What are their views on having a baby. What about baptizing the baby. Or questions about do they like to use the bathroom while your in it. How much do they use their smartphone/PC. Would they rather spend time with you or their friends.

Now obviously this doesn't mean you will get honest answers nor does it mean you still will work together in person. But it can really help to have less shock when you meet in person. My wife and I talked about pretty much everything under the sun. Even bathroom hygiene. And yes.... even if she picks her nose or not. Its why I felt 99% confident about marrying her after we met. We met and two weeks later married. And theres really not much that shocked me after we spent time together.

But I will say we are the RARE exception. God was heavily involved in all our questions, planning...etc. I wasn't marrying her unless I felt God was really giving me the ok. I fasted, I talked to people, I researched...etc. We even gave our passwords to emails, social accounts...etc to learn everything we could.

Sadly in many cases people just meet up and marry on the same day. And after they are really overcome with mixed emotions as they find out so much that they didn't know about before. Sometimes its secrets, sometimes its persona habits and so on. We at least also had 2 weeks despite having talked and all that.

So back to my original answer a bazillion paragraphs above.... an online relationship is what it says, but its not a sealed accurate one until you meet and see how things play out.

 

[Dave-W]

For teenagers that may not have had previous romantic relationships offline, it probably was very real and emotional to them.

Romantic feelings can be kindled up and become very strong, even in "pen pal" relationships. The concept of a distance or virtual relationship not being "real" is a smokescreen to criticize someone's emotional state.

Not a good idea.

 

[Motherofkittens]

It is real but that is not to say it isn't different.

 

[MrsJohnson2017]

I met my husband online and at the moment we are in a long distance relationship till my visa comes through.

That case really confused me and at the same time I can see how it can happen its easy to put someone on a pedestal when your online interactions with them are online and not in a face to face situation.

 

[LinkH]

If it's just text online, that might feel like less of a 'real relationship' than if you Skype. In this forum, you can kind of feel like you get to know some of the posters a little bit, but there is a limitation if their face looks like Ben Stiller, a cat, or some kind of knight.

I have corresponded with a couple of people I met on online Christian forums, one of them on Facebook, who I had at least one video chat who I feel like I know. These are other men, and men I've asked to pray for me on occasion. i kind of feel like I know them, but not as well as if I'd actually met them.

My wife and I hosted something once, a get-together in our home when a preacher came in from overseas. This was just outside of Jakarta many years ago. One woman who went to our church joined us. Maybe it's because my wife was married to a white guy, and girls that liked white guys liked to ask her this, but she asked my wife something about how to find a husband (particularly, a white one). She was from the same people-group as my wife, where just about everyone marries. But she was 40. It surprised me. I would have thought 30, maybe.

This was in the early 2000's. The white men in our church tended to be married off, so I told her about Internet cafe's, webcams and online dating. A year or so later, we have something similar at our house for New Year's. She comes to our house and tells us she's engaged. She'd been video chatting with a man she'd met online who was looking for someone to marry. She felt like she got to know him through the video chatting for a year.

Three women from church did the same thing. Two ended up with guys from Virginia. Another ended up in the Netherlands. The one who married the Dutch guy was in town in Jakarta and invited us out for dinner with her husband many years later.

I guess that makes sense, especially if you are really talking to each other, even seeing through a camera. A downside to it is that you can't see how the other person reacts in different settings, since they are always there with the camera. You can't meet her relatives and take them aside for private conversations that teach you things that help you make a decision about whether this is a suitable candidate for marriage that you are considering. They can't do the same with you.

 

[writewords]

I have been casually following that case where that girl went on trial for encouraging her boyfriend to kill himself. Yes. I definitely think what she did was unChrist like and evil and I definitely think she has some rekoning to do before the white throne but one thing that really struck me was the nature of their relationship.
I was super shocked when I found out that their relationship was almost exclusively online and that they have only met in real life twice. What I found perplexing was that their relationship was described as very deep and it definitely had to have some substance if she had such a profound influence on him that she read able to encourage him to end his life. That is just so weird to me. I cannot fathom sharing such an emotional connection with some one whom one knows largely through online interaction.
I'll admit, I first got Internet when I read in my late teens and I did my fair share of chatting online. And yes I "met" people in chat rooms and I even had a boy or two I would call my "boyfriend". However, I never by any stretch of the imagination, even back then, thought they were real committed relationships. For me it was like a make believe game which we played with each other. And also yes, before I got married and when I was still dating I did date a couple guys off the Internet (match.com, eharmony, and Christian singles ) but the thing was although I met them online or relationships were all off line. We went in dates, has physical contact, etc. I just can't fathom being in an exclusively online relationship, is such a thing even possible? Are they as valid as real world relationships?

Well, first, I think this young man has some emotional issues clearly and possibly a mental illness. This makes a situation different. But to answer your question, to a degree, you call real...yeah probably. But not like tangible presence of the person and definitely not as deep.

 

[Odetta]

Yes online relationships can be real. I read an article the other day that stated that this generation of kids has never known life before cell phones and social media. How they relate to and interact with one another is totally different than any generation before them, and that is a permanent change. But as a society, we are at the very beginning edge of that change, and still have a lot to figure out as to how to have healthy relationships in this new paradigm, because online connections and this new way of interacting are a permanent fixture now.

As for this should this girl have been found guilty, absolutely yes. She deliberately goaded him to do it. It is the same as if she stood next to him at the edge of a bridge and told him to jump. Just because it was text suggestions on a screen doesn't make it any less heinous. Words have power, and can speak life or death, and can hold us legally accountable.