You know I just wish that I could sit and listen to someone, somewhere who could share (not teach) with me about how God is real to them every day. How they see Him provide for them. Take care of them in tough circumstances. How he comforts their hearts. Reproves them when necessary. How He comes to them in the still hours of the night and speaks softly into their ears about something He wants to say to them.
You know what I mean?
The real deal. Not just intellectual acknowledgement of certain biblical truths but a real relationship with a real being...God our Father.
Most teachings at church are on the intellectual side of things. We need that yes, but I want to also hear about how real God is in people's lives.
That kind of reality can't be taught in seminaries. It doesn't happen overnight. It involves relationship with Him every day, in and out. Through the rough times and the good.
Seminary or not, I would travel an hour each way to go and get with Christians like that. Every day. Anytime. If I could at all do so. Alas they are in shorter supply than gold on the ground it would seem.
Carlos
I agree Carlos, church made sad (in a strange sorta way) and made me starved for fellowship (I wasnt finding there). I felt like the uncomfortable bench (itself) just an ornament glued to a seat (trying to be obedient) as I listened to what seemed like empty lectures. Touching knees with the guy next to me is not fellowship. I think the first Church had it right, homes (not empires) theres more intimacy there.
I remember leaving asking God, "This the best you got here"? Is THIS what Im supposed to call fellowship? I told Him I must be ~missing something~ (call me blind here) cause I wasnt fallen down within me saying GOD is truly among ya all (type deal). Im joking in the way I'm putting it. I joke to myself about the "gifts" of the Spirit being reduced to bathroom duty, floor sweeping and adminstrative paperwork (and such).
Not sure if theres any comparison to the book of acts in all, if there is Im missing it
Wishful thinking (maybe) but I dont want it to be unto me as I believed and reduce myself to having no hope for better things. I entered Church 18 years ago and left after the first three months, I made a multitude of "attempts" to go back but Id just cry as soon as I got there and left to sit in the parking lot. I dont know why, I just always did then I stopped all my attempts and resigned myself to not returning.
From that point it took about twelve years after I started seeking Him on my own that these little stars (as I call them) started to appear in my life. Every one of these (just as myself) were on ~the outside~ too (seeking Him) and these felt very much the same way I did. I found a sorta common bond with them because I thought I was the only weirdo (as I regarded myself). So the stars began to "appear" for me at that time.
The thought just came to me (while I was writing) ~there appeared no sun nor stars for many days~ and how true that ~feels~ to my very own experience! lol
So (for me) fellowship was a very long time in coming. God has truly been faithful. In His time He surely knit me together with others and did just as He sees fit for me and this feels right. Since we were alone and seeking Him for these many years we just felt this awesome gratefulness for each other. You know what I love the most? That we can talk about anything without taking offense. Its great to explore the tops and bottoms of things without mens boundaries on us. Its great to trust God to create them. We (all equal) actually have FUN learning and being quicked together daily. I guess its because it was the first time either one of us ever learned with another, this felt free. This is very much unlike that which goes on in the institutions (controlling and dominated) where everything lays gaurded for fear of deception. That attitude actually makes me think of the guys who sealed off the Lords tomb in some strange way.
But anyway all things truly work together for the good of those who love the Lord.
I had some things to learn (as I am still learning). I kept trying to wear these shoes (in ways very hard to describe) that just would not fit me. I had to stop trying to force these certain shoes (that were not of interest to me or fitting) but I thought was expected of me. Then I started to feel more comfortable in the pair He suited to me and all went much better. I speak in respects to my leading, reading, hearing, and standing in what I was uncertain of in the beginning of my walk but is become ever so much more certain. I discovered the same struggle in those He would knit me with.
These things are so hard to describe (experiencially). Im not even sure Im saying it well. Im not an articulate well formed intellectual with great skill in being clear in much of anything.
More often then not Carlos if one of us feeling somethings off (specially if the longing is pure) theres always someone else out there (with the same) feeling nearly identical to that.
The problem is you cant say anything, well especially me cause I have a vagina and a point of view, thats not allowed there
So not much out of my mouth would be welcomed hearing. Put up and shut up or leave.
Leaving was indeed for the better.
God provided my perfect situation too. To this day I see it as Him parting the Red Sea for me (Gosh I love Him
). My little miracle and precious journey to Him (I say) began most vividly from that point forward.
Others like whom you might seeking to bond with are out there Carlos. I find they are often more quiet in set ups like this and other places. Personally, I know I would NEVER open my heart on a board. Some seek to CRUSH it (in His name ofcourse). Im distrusting, Ive learned to be and I'd think myself utterly stupid to open my heart (that which I am to gaurd) where men dont fear to tread. I know my own boundaries, and accustomed to how it all works and try not to get emotionally pulled in.
I find that (even) in those He knit me with, that they feel the exact same way. Because of this, its become natural (in my thinking) to enter a board of Christians with a gaurded (rather then an open heart) which I find sad, but saying so changes nothing. So I find its harder to find these precious ones (who do the very same). In my thinking I regard one as a "safe place" and the other as a "not so safe place". I regard my freinds (Im knitted with) as my gifts (as I regard them) from Him to me with every ounce of affection in my heart. But if we were on the same board together we would never talk to each other openly as we go off in private (concerning the Lord). They are (to me) second to Him in my heart. The blessing of the fellowship in the Spirit of our God EXCEEDS what my heart had ever so longed for and I lie not before Christ. I cherish ~such ones~. When you ever come to find what your heart seeks (as it pertains to pure blessed fellowship) your heart will leap for the joy of His fellowship you have with them.
Whats so odd (well to me it is) was that it took twelve years. Then from every part of the world (never sitting under one roof ever together) they hear the same sound, and that in itself (honestly) baffled me. Then it was like He asked me, "Why should it"? I thought, MAN, Im so stupid Lord your so right! You can teach anyone anywhere and if they be hearing YOU they will indeed hear one another. You dont need to sit under the same roof to sit under the same Teacher when its His feet your sitting at.
What I love in them is they got a little joyful sound
Theres definately a distinction in their "sound" I look for these. Its precious, their eye is singularly on Him and their words have blessed wings and lift my soul higher in Him. Indeed they are a source of strength and refreshment to me in Christ. God be praised for the light that shines in and through them. So unencumbered by religious trappings, hypocricies, evil suspicions and the like, it just feels pure, it feels right, and just as fellowship should feel like. I could wish for nothing more (in regards to them) BUT always MORE OF HIM
I can only say that I found God more marvelous in my eyes in my knowing the Him in them, How incredible He is!
Though, I must add Its a pretty common practice to use mufflers on "all of that" in public gatherings.
No one desires their pearls to be trampled do they?
I wonder if thats taught in seminary?
MAN that was A MONSTER POST, I didnt realize it was that long Carlos... Print it off and talk to me next year
Sorry bout that
Peace
Fireinfolding