Zita,
Don't worry about that; the Bible also has provisions for divorce--especially if he had girlfriends. It has allowances for separations. You had hope for the situation, you worked hard to live within confines, and life apparently hasn't improved.
This is your life, so we can't tell you what to do--but God understands emotional abuse more than any of us ever will!
If you have any extra time, it would be worth researching everything you could find to set up an imaginary backup plan.
I'm guessing that his control has increased from the time you met. He might have limited and controlled you to a point where you might not have the energy or self-confidence to get out of it. The glib suggestion from an outsider to make a drastic move is actually a huge hurdle.
Look up some shelters and services in your area so you know you have a cushion of options. It's easier to see hope for a future when you have a few support systems lined up for emergency. I think that many towns have Catholic shelters for this purpose, and some have battered-women (or emotional abuse) organizations that keep their address secret.
Child custody throws in a few legal complications, so take some time to go over those in case he ever gets violent. I have had friends who lost custody when they "abandoned" their kids after their husbands beat them.
You might feel powerless without control of the car, the finances, and anything else you need to escape the situation. Just remember, the longer things stay the same, the less chance you will have for a hopeful life. A couple weeks at a friend's house or one credit card might be all you need to shake things loose.
I understand the value of avoiding change. There are some qualities to your household that are worth preserving, especially with the kids still home. Take some time to weigh this.
Keep a log of things he has done, with dates...that's not scriptural, but you might need it for legal defense some day.
I have seen Jeshu's suggestion work, with a contained amount of pain and applied over many years. You have already been submissive. Try some experiments to see if you can be yourself without caring what he thinks. Try to relax yourself when he's around. When you feel yourself controlled by his moods, walk out of the room.
I'm so sorry that you have been trapped. You know when he's doing something wrong, even when he justifies his actions. You know what's right.
Lord, bring freedom for Zita to be herself, and live safely and securely in her home. Surround her with love from friends, family, and You. Hear our prayers!
