Anyone try to get custody of a relative's child?

[Flipper]

We are trying to get custody of my cousin's daughter because we feel she's in an unsafe environment. I know our chances are slim to none, but we are going to try at least talking to my cousin and my aunt. If that doesn't work, we then have to weigh in getting children's services involved. Unfortunately, children's service isn't always out for what's best for the children, as I'm sure many of you can attest.

Has anyone ever done anything like this and can give us any pointers?

 

[Leanna]

Generally the courts (and I agree) believe that a child is best off with their mother and/or father, and even if the child is removed it is with all intentions of reunification....

 

[JustBeachy]

If there is a crime being committed, such as driving drunk with the child, child neglect, abuse, etc, report it to police or children's services. But if this is a generalized belief that the child could be in a better home, trying to terminate parental rights is a big risk. You might end up cutting ties with your cousin, thereby eliminating yourself from the child's life completely. There's also a chance that they could find the current home unfit, but send the child to live with its father or other relatives. That kind of thing does happen, even when the father has not been present. I don't know how severe the situation is with your cousin, but I personally would try to be very involved in the child's life rather than risk losing contact with the child because you tried to take her from her mother. This is a touchy situation (as you know, of course), so proceed with caution. If you speak to your cousin, try to word it so it sounds like a favor to her, rather than telling her she's not a good mom. Remember that even if you report things, the system is pretty well broken and you may not see the results that you wish to see. This is just my opinion based on my experiences and if it's not applicable, just disregard.
You may consider talking to an attorney about the specifics of the situation.
I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Flipper]

I don't know how severe the situation is with your cousin, but I personally would try to be very involved in the child's life rather than risk losing contact with the child because you tried to take her from her mother. This is a touchy situation (as you know, of course), so proceed with caution.

Everything you said is exactly what our attorney told us. I agree, I think including ourselves in her life would be much better than doing something that would cut off our access to her altogether.

Thanks.

 

[Flipper]

We (as in me and most of my family) are meeting with the mom and grandmother tomorrow. Prayers and crossed fingers please.

I didn't address it before, but my cousins who grew up in the home were abused. My mom and other relatives called children's services many times and nothing ever happened. We don't think she is being abused now, but that it could happen as she gets older. I know chances are more that we won't be able to get guardianship, but we have to at least make this attempt to talk to them.

 

[Meshavrischika]

We (as in me and most of my family) are meeting with the mom and grandmother tomorrow. Prayers and crossed fingers please.

I didn't address it before, but my cousins who grew up in the home were abused. My mom and other relatives called children's services many times and nothing ever happened. We don't think she is being abused now, but that it could happen as she gets older. I know chances are more that we won't be able to get guardianship, but we have to at least make this attempt to talk to them.

Maybe you can just make your house open... Like "hey... can so and so come spend the night?" or "why don't you take the night off and bring so and so over"... and do this often. Make your home as open as possible and maybe... this would be great... the child will just end up being there... then you could address it with the courts... but generally only after 2 years or so (at least in Texas)

 

[Flipper]

Maybe you can just make your house open... Like "hey... can so and so come spend the night?" or "why don't you take the night off and bring so and so over"... and do this often. Make your home as open as possible and maybe... this would be great... the child will just end up being there... then you could address it with the courts... but generally only after 2 years or so (at least in Texas)

That's exactly how we presented it to them and they said no.

With what I know about the house and what my cousins went through growing up there, I won't be able to live with myself if I don't do everything I can. So, I've told the lawyer what happened, and she's going to send me a letter with my options, which I already know are limited.

I guess we're doing it the hard way now.

 

[JustBeachy]

I'm sorry to hear that they said no.

 

[LivingHope]

thats such a difficult situation, my prayers are certainly with you. My cousin had a child that she repeatedly neglected (no bathing, no table food at a year, etc) to the point that the child was severly physically,(crawled at 18 months, walked at 2 1/2) socially, mentally, speech delayed, etc. CPS was called on numerous occassions, by dr's, by her relatives, by neighbors, but no action was taken until the child was put into direct danger (she left him alone in a car, overnight, in a bad neighborhood, while she did drugs in a house) My aunt went through numerous battles, first she registered as a foster parent so that when CPS DID take him, she would be eligible to have him (they did place him with her) then after a year, she went to court to petition for custody (denied, even though the mother had at that point made no attempts to fix the situation or follow CPS's instructions on parenting classes, etc and was in and out of jail for drug charges) When the mother finally DID follow through with certain requirements CPS immediately removed him from my aunts home (where he was just catching up, with the help of physical, occupational and speech therapy services!) and again, she had him taken away. This has been ongoing for nearly 7 years now. When my aunt has him, he excells, when he's with his mother, he declines and regresses, and the state laws are so set to side with the parent that, IMHO, the child is the one that is sacrificed.

my prayers are with your family!

 

[Flipper]

Hi Jessica! How's Gabby doing?

 

[Flipper]

A little update. I haven't heard back from the lawyer, but unless she has something profound to say, we are planning on just trying to be as much a part of her life as we can, and show her that we are safe, so one day, if she is being abused, she knows she can come to us.

Meanwhile, we have an information meeting next week about possibly adopting from China. We're still open to a private adoption here if the opportunity presents itself, but we really don't want to deal with the state any more than we have to.

Thanks for all the advice and prayers.