Anyone here that can't accept the loss?

[Steffenfield]

I think I was divorced last Monday, I didn't have to show up for court, but I think this is what happened.

I still struggle to accept this.

I could probably name like 50 people on her family side that either liked me, or maybe even loved me too.

Now, all of them are gone forever.

I don't know why I'm posting this.

I guess I just wanted to know if there is anyone here who still loves their ex.

If so, please hit me back with a PM, a phone number, visitor's post, email address, your location, a stupid rep comment, Mapquest directions, Facebook page, your favorite gaming site and where I could find you, fax machine number, Instant Messaging account, your Yahoo Profile, Skype account, really, I don't care....

I just need someone who feels the same extreme loss that I still struggle with.

I can't make this on my own, and yeah, I need someone to help me process it all.

Thank you.

 

[confusedbutloved]

Dear Friend,
I am so sorry for your pain, I can only relate too well. My husband and I had been living separate lives basically for a pretty long time, our relationship came down to hello and goodbye until August. In October I moved out and now our divorce became final three weeks ago. I have been crushed, he never attempted to reconcile or do anything to save our marriage. Now three short weeks after our divorce not only did he use me to help him, but he has found a new lady love and haas posted their picture on facebook for the entire world to see, it's been like a knife to my heart. The pain is so horrible and I feel horribly alone in this world right now. If you want an ear, I'm here, right now I only have an email account, you are welcome to write me here since this will not let me post an email address for now since i haven't posted 50 messages. God bless, I'll be praying for you too.

 

[Steffenfield]

Hi Bernadette.

Wow. We share so close to similar stories with each other.

The almost 8 years we were together all I got was a you're a great guy, but hey, it's not working for me quickie comment out of nowhere for me.

She gave me two weeks to move out.

And yeah, she put up a new Facebook picture with her new boyfriend not shortly after.

Facebook is such a turd. I've never liked it. *lol*

Well, I got the final papers on Thursday so it's all over with and I can stop pretending like none of this ever happened anymore.

I'm still in shock of it all as she was my best friend for so long.

I at least would like to know how her and her family are doing.

I just need to find a way to let everything go because this isn't healthy for me.

Thank you for your post Bernadette. That was very kind of you.

I'll be praying for you too.

 

[foodiepeep]

James & Bernadette,

I'm right with you in this situation. Regardless of the fact that I initiated my divorce, it's an open wound every second I still breathe. ..I think it always will be for me, along with the notion that *he* is and always was so ready to find someone else, and has. The pain is beyond words, and what's worse is knowing that I have to face every step of this without another human there for support.

 

[McScribe]

I still do, yes, and of course that can feel humiliating, regardless of circumstances. It's hard not to rehash things, wish I had said different things or been smarter or wiser, etc.

Remember that God is with us even at such times as this, no matter what. Remember that we are more than the sum of failures. God, the Bible promises us, is with us when things seem bleak and hopeless as well as when they are hopeful.

 

[confusedbutloved]

I am so sorry Steffenfield and Foodie, it is such a difficult thing, sometimes people just think "get over it already". so how do we get over it in a matter of weeks or even months. Statistics say it takes two years to get back to normal. Thank you McScribe, so much for your encouragement and kindness. I get on my knees daily and cry out, I talk to the Lord every day, during the day, at night as I lay down, in my car, mostly through tears. But still I have such a void. Steffenfield, I can so relate, my mil always told me that she could not love me more if I were her flesh born daughter and I have not heard a word from her since I spoke to her about my husband's online addiction, etc., in august, asking her for support in speaking to him about that and his deteriorating health. My inlaws who all loved me so much, gone and that hurts too. I lost not only a husband and step children, I lost the family I have loved and yearned for. I'm still in shock too and I won't lie and say that it is easy, I guess some people do jump into other relationships quickly to mask the pain but so many times that rebound relationship ends in failure. I want God to give me the guidance to build that strong foundation that is unshakable in a marriage or a relationship, I don't want to wind up in another communication-less relationship and I just pray that somehow He helps me through as every day is a struggle. Foodie, I am sorry I know you added me as a friend on FB and then I deleted it, you can contact me at lifetimelady02 @ yahoo.com of course without all those spaces in there, but this forum doesn't want me to post an email address until i hit 50 posts, but I really do think we need community and to be able to turn to each other when we feel we have nobody else to turn to. I wish I could reach out and give you both a hug because I understand how you both feel. Hold on to faith, hold on to God, HIs healing hand will take ours and lead us to a place where we will feel peace again. God Bless.

 

[Steffenfield]

Whenever I think back on my marriage, my memories are like the warm summer of my youth.

Now it just feels like I'm in the final winter of my last days.

I guess it's not helping that it's like a stupid -20 degrees outside. *lol*

 

[McScribe]

It's different for me. I question everything, whether any part of it was ever good. I simply feel like an idiot who made efforts towards something fruitless.

 

[foodiepeep]

I'm trying to learn how to move away from feeling eternally condemned for my unscriptural divorce, but threads like http://www.christianforums.com/t7536659/ make it impossible.

Likewise, I start to feel sort of "okay" until I think about having to sign my final decree, and then it's honestly like I'm surely doomed to hell.

 

[McScribe]

That's another topic altogether. What they're talking about is their irritation with the fact that the average modern church is shy when it comes to dealing with the subject. They have other axes to grind; avoid such threads. God doesn't differentiate about sin you know; it's about the life we have through Christ that matters. You need to understand this: your sin was not a particular act, but how you fit God into your life. Sinning no more doesn't mean that YOU have to undo all your past sins, but rather that you need to sin no more.

You are no better and no worse than Abraham, David or the disciples, all of whom sinned after they had been offered God's love and friendship, and all of whom were forgiven and led to greater things.

Lord, help my sister know Your love more than she's ever known it. Open her eyes and ears to the peace that You have for her. foodiepeep, in spite of what you read that discourages you I really encourage you to meditate on Psalm 139 that talks about how huge God's love for us is. Please read it and consider it really carefully.

 

[dorig59]

I'm trying to learn how to move away from feeling eternally condemned for my unscriptural divorce, but threads like http://www.christianforums.com/t7536659/ make it impossible.

Likewise, I start to feel sort of "okay" until I think about having to sign my final decree, and then it's honestly like I'm surely doomed to hell.

Don't live under condemnation, Hon. Don't let other people make you feel that way. Think of it like this: do you honestly believe God (who loves you) would send you to hell because you got divorced? Even if it wasn't for a perfectly Scriptural reason. He wouldn't do that to you. It's just the enemy trying to keep you down. Pick your head up, shake it off, and determine to do the best you can through Him going forward.

 

[peacechild4]

I was that way for a long time.. but I think I lost him long before he moved out.. it is possible to live in the same house with someone who has checked out of the marriage already.. He was very angry.. very mean and hard to live with.. like walking on eggs shells.. jeckle hyde personality.. but yeah I still miss him.. he doesn't even know it though.. he is more like a friend now.. on my lap top at his house.. he is sitting beside me with our daughter wedged between us..

18 years of marriage.. and now friends but at least he is not angry anymore.. just living his own life..

time is healing me though.. but it has been very hard.. I don't really know what to feel.. we are still married.. but what is marriage??? sigh..

I am here because my daughter started university.. paramedic/nursing.. she needs to use his computer.. I don't have one.. he is showing me all the new things he has bought while I am struggling with the day to day living.. that makes me sad.. I said to him.. you are doing better then me.. he just laughed and said.. yeah..

He pays the recommended child support.. so he is doing all that is expected...

I believe GOD is moving me on to save me and the kids.. but it is very hard.. I struggle with money all the time.. I do miss his help... his help to raise the kids.. they need a father.. I am not tough enough..

Sorry rather a ramble James.. I can hardly even get online anymore.. hee hee but brought my lap top here.. at least he lets me use the internet..

I am sorry for your hurt.. all of you.. each and every single person who has posted.. I pray often for you James.. and you Laura too when I think of you.. and others here I will lift you to GOD..

GOD gave me a tough love for this man through many up and down years.. now HE is I believe helping me with HIS supernatural peace.. because the terrible ache has gone.. praise GOD.. but I do miss the company.. you know the closeness of a body... and I do miss him...

 

[dw1veu]

I also got separated just last January. This cross made me know the Lord more and now I became a strong Christian because of this. I think this is God's plan of calling me as I am very stubborn.

I still love my wife but it seems that she has lost her love for me. I already repented on my old ways and already told her how sorry I was and I am praying for restoration.

Every time I would talk to her, she would say that being separated is better and it the answer to her prayer as I have neglected her when we were still together. I would then try explain to her that I am sorry for my old self then and now I am changed and how God has changed me and if she can only see that changes, I know that our relationship would be restored. But she wouldn't try. It seems that she was already firmed on separation as we have no divorce here in the Philippines.

Just yesterday, she changed her status from being married with me to single. It was very depressing.

 

[GuitarMia05]

It's different for me. I question everything, whether any part of it was ever good. I simply feel like an idiot who made efforts towards something fruitless.

I can lean more towards McScribe's side on this one. At first I was completely torn apart that my marriage was going to come to an end and that I had to raise my son and soon to be daughter on my own. It took me a while to cope with it (and sometimes it still hits hard), but I have to look at it to where I was abandoned with a small child and pregnant. I have received no financial support, and the marriage consisted of me giving my 100% with getting maybe 5% in return from my husband. It was all about him, and my focus became all about him and not about Christ. I spent 2 years giving my everything I had and becoming so burnt out and depressed that I wasn't living life ... I was just apart of it (and creating it...lol). I pray for those everyday who go through a divorce. I never knew the pain that came with it, along with all the other nasty courts, lawyers, money...blah blah blah! I am learning each day to not look at the past and have it cause me pain, but to look towards the future to see what God has in store for me. The biggest thing that has gotten me through all of this is staying positive and focusing my walk with Christ. It's because of that I wake up everyday with a smile on my face and a willingness to continue to be strong, even if it's a day where my past causes me pain. God has a plan for everyone, and soon I pray he shows you what to do next. Love you all Dearly