Anyone else struggle with being lonely but also wanting to be single?

[Progressing Pilgrim]

It's an ongoing struggle for me anymore. I don't like dating. Marriage doesn't sound particularly attractive to me. But I get lonely anyway. Part of me really wants female companionship, and part of me just wants to be free. At 36, I feel like if I'm not proactively pursuing a relationship, I'm practically making the decision to be single for the rest of my life (what are the chances that I'm going to just "stumble across" the love of my life at my age? The unmarried women in my Church seem to be mostly teenagers or elderly widows). So I have accounts on a couple of dating sites. But whenever I find someone with whom there is mutual attraction, I back out before it becomes anything serious. A lot of times it feels like the two desires prevent me from enjoying either one. What should I do?

 

[Ajoj]

i feel lonely a lot, but my problem is i that i believe i have to be perfect or atleast much better man than i am now to be in relationship.
But my advice is if there is any chance of normal relationship go for it, there are no soulmates and love of your lifes, so dont look for perfect women, and im not speaking from experience because im 3 years younger than you, but from i could get from observing other people in real life and reading online, its much better to have someone even to argue with than be alone, being alone with time leads to being sad or even worse stuff than that

 

[peaceful-forest]

Do you have friends? Do you have satisfactory relationships with them?

Why do you find marriage unattractive?

Us humans were never designed to be alone (I'm not saying everyone should get married, I'm saying that it's natural to be with others - acquaintances, friends, significant other, etc.)

 

[timewerx]

It's an ongoing struggle for me anymore. I don't like dating. Marriage doesn't sound particularly attractive to me. But I get lonely anyway. Part of me really wants female companionship, and part of me just wants to be free. At 36, I feel like if I'm not proactively pursuing a relationship, I'm practically making the decision to be single for the rest of my life (what are the chances that I'm going to just "stumble across" the love of my life at my age? The unmarried women in my Church seem to be mostly teenagers or elderly widows). So I have accounts on a couple of dating sites. But whenever I find someone with whom there is mutual attraction, I back out before it becomes anything serious. A lot of times it feels like the two desires prevent me from enjoying either one. What should I do?

I don't think there are Christians facing the same struggle as you do.

A possible solution is pursuing sexless, platonic relationships with women. It meets both your needs for female companionship with the freedom of being single AND not sinning through fornication / adultery.

 

[Niels]

But whenever I find someone with whom there is mutual attraction, I back out before it becomes anything serious. A lot of times it feels like the two desires prevent me from enjoying either one. What should I do?

Maybe wait until you find somebody with whom the mutual attraction is strong enough. Why are you backing out? Can you imagine a woman who has what it takes for you to stick with it? If so, what might that look like?

I can partly relate to what you're saying. At least to the extent that there's a cost/benefit analysis in my head.

 

[frank1234]

I fell exactly word for word, but there is a block(which I am aware of). It's my health. I don't feel well enough to even start a relationship. So, what is your block? Is it health, money, ..... There must be a reason part of you does not want the commitment. Find that and work on it. God bless.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I feel frustrated that I want to be closer to The Lord and I go through times of loneliness because I've never been in a romantic relationship. So I go to church in hopes I can focus my attention on the Lord more but instead am reminded that I'm single and feel left out at church because I don't have a husband and kids yet. Anyone else feel me?

 

[frank1234]

Single people get you.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes, I’m an introverted extrovert (or would it be extroverted introvert, I'm never sure the difference) Where I want social companions but need a healthy balance doing things on my own. Yes, I know this will most likely lead to problems down the line if I ever get a girlfriend & get married, but w/ the right person I know it’ll work (for example my companions I have recognize who I am.)

 

[Lost4words]

I tried dating sites but, i always get matched with old dogs!

 

[ReesePiece23]

Yes, in the same way that I'll crave my independence when I'm with someone.

It's all swings and roundabouts being human. When it's summer we crave winter, and vice versa. You just have to keep moving with the times.

 

[bèlla]

There are seasons when I'm immersed and delight in the absence of distractions. I'm comfortable and content. But there are moments when I feel otherwise and I'm not always the architect of the quiet knowing more awaits.

If you're interacting with someone and the discourse is good keep talking. That isn't a commitment. But you'll never know what's possible if you step away too soon. Sometimes attraction is front and center. Other times its a slow burn growing with every dialogue.

~bella

 

[busywriting]

It's an ongoing struggle for me anymore. I don't like dating. Marriage doesn't sound particularly attractive to me. But I get lonely anyway. Part of me really wants female companionship, and part of me just wants to be free. At 36, I feel like if I'm not proactively pursuing a relationship, I'm practically making the decision to be single for the rest of my life (what are the chances that I'm going to just "stumble across" the love of my life at my age? The unmarried women in my Church seem to be mostly teenagers or elderly widows). So I have accounts on a couple of dating sites. But whenever I find someone with whom there is mutual attraction, I back out before it becomes anything serious. A lot of times it feels like the two desires prevent me from enjoying either one. What should I do?

I absolutely relate to this, sometimes I think something is broken in me, I love seeing people happy and in love, but it's hard imagining I'll be able to find someone that absolutely complement my mood swings and 'introvertedness' I see my friends getting married and I'm really not has bothered about it as I should be. I know the plans God has for me are good and perfect to give me a future and expected end.