Any One Here Lost a Parent?

[I'ddie4him2]

I lost my dad on March 11, 2003. He had diabetes and it caused his kidneys to fail. He was on dialysis for almost 7 years and I took care of him for 4 of those years. After a couple of nasty falls that broke his arm not once, but twice, he gave up and chose to stop dialysis. His body and organs were completely shutting down though. He was throwing up food he had ate several days before. So he wasn't digesting anything he ate in his last days.

For me it was harder watching him slowly ebb away over the years than it was when he passed. I think it was like someone else posted earlier, I was in the grieving process long before he ever died.

I, like many, miss him and have my bad days. I often think to myself, if only dad were here. I miss the laughs, the joking around, and most of all his advice. But you know. when I am in dire need of his advice, I can hear what he would say, simply because I knew and know him. What is hardest for me is when someone starts telling me their story of how they are taking care of their ill parent or loved one. Their stories move me to tears because I can relate.

I was there when dad passed. I was holding his hand and my last words to him were, "go with the angels, Dad. And know that we love you." For that I will be eternally thankful....now I have to get a tissue. Don't worry, they may be tears of sorrow, but they are also tears of joy, because I know where he is and that the angels did come to lead him home....God Bless....Rob

I understand how you feel rushingwind.
You have my sincerest sympathies as do all the members in here that have lost parents.
My dad, baby sister, and I were all beside my moms bed as she took her last breathe.

Had she lived another 9 weeks, My parents would have celebrated their 30th anniversary on April 20th.

 

[NostalgicGranny]

My mom died in June. I still struggle with her death. There are times when I cope real well, and other times out of the blue, where I just wish I could talk to my Mom. You know, say all of the things that were left unsaid . . .

Just the other day I was talking with my Grandma on the phone and she is obviously still struggling too. I wish there was something I could do or say that would help her when we are so many miles apart.

 

[Sesquialtera]

I lost my mum in April 2006. She had been diagnosed with cancer in September 2005. I was 14, and she was 51. I'm an only child, and so my relationship with my parents was quite "intense". To protect me, I wasn't told what was wrong with my mum. Only on the evening of the day she died, my dad told me.

Being kept in the dark made the time very difficult for me. Of course, I knew that something was very wrong, as there was a great deal of disruption. Relatives were staying with us, and both parents were obviously off work. However, they all expected me to act as if I knew what was happening, when they hadn't told me. I guess it's a very difficult decision for all. It seems that many of the losses here have been to cancer. Were you all told what was going on? I'd be glad to speak to anyone who has had a similar experience. You are all in my prayers.

 

[UnitynLove]

After while

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2Tdze8907U&feature=channel_page

 

[NostalgicGranny]

It seems that many of the losses here have been to cancer. Were you all told what was going on? I'd be glad to speak to anyone who has had a similar experience. You are all in my prayers.

Yes a lot of the losses are cancer.

I knew my mom was sick, however the month before she passed she flew to Florida to visit my brother. So I thought she was doing better, and might actually be able to visit me sometime in the near future. I had no idea how bad off she was until she was gone.

 

[Jeffreycentex]

Yep...

I lost my dad in 1998 due to a stroke (64) and pretty much took care of my mother ever since. Things got a lot more difficult in 2002 when she spent a month in the hospital due to a respiratory condition. I then became her caregiver all of my free hours except for work, sleep, and an occasional trip. She finally succumbed to COPD on tax day this year. She passed away at home four days after coming home from the hospital and 12 hours after joining hospice.

The times since have been extremely difficult as we became co-dependent on each other and the loss has impacted me deeply. I'm happy for her as she wanted to go to be free of the pain and suffering. The night before her passing was both therapeutic and very sad when she was saying her goodbyes to me and then saying hello to the other people around her. The book "Glimpses of Heaven" by Trudy Harris describes many of the same things I saw that night and the days just before her death.

As for coping with grief, I still struggle. Today was painful (Christmas) and it took me 6 months before I wouldn't just break down and start crying whenever I was reminded of her or her passing. I just prayed and asked God to help strengthen me and keep me.

Moving on with life otherwise has been very difficult, though. I have no brothers/sisters and other family is either distant emotionally or in location. I'm single and I'm in no emotional state to rectify that situation for at least a year or so.. Therefore, I'm leaning on my friends to help me keep afloat and to stop me from dwelling on the past.

 

[Catherine1987]

I lost my father back in 1996 when he was 46 and I was just 8 years old. He died suddenly of a heart attack brought on by blocked arteries. His death has had a huge impact on my life... I think it was the major cause for my 'lost' years of depression, alcohol abuse, anger and jealousy between 2001 and 2007. Thankfully, from finding God again earlier this year, I have become to deal with these issues with His help. I have addressed my grief and the problems it has caused and things have been looking a lot better recently. I still miss my father, but I know now that he is with the Lord and he is safe and happy. Through prayer I am gradually finding peace and coming to terms with his passing.

 

[NostalgicGranny]

I still miss my mom terribly. If it weren't for my (adult) son and husband I probably would have ignored Christmas this year - just to painfully.

My mom went home to be with God in June, yet some days it still seems like yesterday. It is still so hard to picture spending the rest of my life without her here. Holidays especially bother me.

 

[rushingwind62]

I still miss my mom terribly. If it weren't for my (adult) son and husband I probably would have ignored Christmas this year - just to painfully.

My mom went home to be with God in June, yet some days it still seems like yesterday. It is still so hard to picture spending the rest of my life without her here. Holidays especially bother me.

It is going on 7 years since I lost my dad, and I still have days where it seems like we just lost him. I don't think that will ever go away. I think when we lose any immediate family member it tends to stick with us much more because of the close knit love we share.

As for the holidays, I think the first 2 or 3 years were the hardest for me. I literally had to push myself to go to any family celebrations. It is a little easier now that I have someone special in my life (my wife of 3 years), but I still miss dad. Again I think that is something that will never change because me and dad were close and no one will ever be able to take his place.

I deal with most of the above pretty good. What is hard for me is the anniversary of his passing. Because I was there when he went I relive that day at least once a year if not more. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing if I could, I am glad I was there at that moment. But It was hard to deal with then and it hasn't gotten any easier. That too is something I will probably always live with. Sometimes we just have to live with the way things are and learn to accept and embrace them. And losing someone close is one of those things.

My prayers are with you sister...God Bless You!!..Rob

 

[Greenthumb]

My mom passed away May 26, 2008. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her and wish she was still here. I know in my head that she is so much better off now and no longer suffering, but my heart still hurts. I don't think the hurt ever really goes away and so far for me, it hasn't gotten any easier. I was actually coping much better in the first few months after she passed away. I know it takes time...I just wish I knew how much time.

 

[NostalgicGranny]

Greenthumb - that is pretty much how I feel. It does get better though, eventually, except for 'those' occasional moments. Even then someday you will wake up and realized you managed to cope with it better. That in itself is hard, as you you want the pain to go away, but you don't want to forget them either.

 

[Greenthumb]

My best friend lost her mom almost 10 years to the day before I lost my mom. I never really understood her loss. Now I do. It took her several years to really get over the loss. I also realize that the healing process takes time and it can't be rushed. The harder you try to 'get over it' the harder it becomes. Maybe if we don't beat ourselves up about 'those' moments it might make it easier. When they come...grieve...because it's healthy. Hugs and prayers to you NostalgicGranny.

 

[you'll never walk alone]

My great dad passed away 8 hours ago at 84.25 years old. He rejected medical help and put up a brave fight to the end. Was very sad to see him deteriorate so long in his last 12 hours. Eventually had morphine to calm him down before two 'yelps' and he was gone

 

[longcall911]

I lost my Mom 7 years ago, just 4 months after losing my cousin (who was a brother to me) in the WTC attack.

I'm just now getting back to "normal". The hurt is still huge when it comes. But, it comes less often now.

/*tom*/

 

[fairygailie]

my mom died new years eve at 5pm, 2008. five minutes before that, i told her that soon she'd be dancing in heaven (because it was new yrs eve and she loved to dance). so i wrote out a poem called "dancing in heaven", and within 5 mins, the Lord said "come on up" and her spirit lifted peacefully into God's Hands.

they printed my poem on the little cards they have at the funeral home. it fit perfectly.

im pretty much a grief expert. really. used to facilitate and speak at a grief recovery workshop for many years after i lost my baby girl.

my mom was 85 and NEVER saw a doctor except for childbirth. she had no life insurance either. she was healthy until the last year of her life and went down fast the last 3 months. coronary artery disease.

 

[Chaplain David]

If any of you are having difficulty with grief most hospices and some churches have free grief counseling and support groups. The hospital in which I work has a hospice and I've been seeing a wonderful grief counselor over losing my dad around Christmas. I lost my mom a few years ago and it was hard. But the grief over my dad is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I highly recommend grief counseling to anyone who loses a close relative, friend, or experiences a traumatic event where death occurs. God bless you.

 

[NostalgicGranny]

my mom died new years eve at 5pm, 2008. five minutes before that, i told her that soon she'd be dancing in heaven (because it was new yrs eve and she loved to dance). so i wrote out a poem called "dancing in heaven", and within 5 mins, the Lord said "come on up" and her spirit lifted peacefully into God's Hands.

they printed my poem on the little cards they have at the funeral home. it fit perfectly.

im pretty much a grief expert. really. used to facilitate and speak at a grief recovery workshop for many years after i lost my baby girl.

my mom was 85 and NEVER saw a doctor except for childbirth. she had no life insurance either. she was healthy until the last year of her life and went down fast the last 3 months. coronary artery disease.

I would love to read your poem!

 

[gracemama]

My mom died on May 14, 2009. Almost a month ago, and I am still in shock and falling apart. She was 82 and had diabetes, and had had a few deep brain strokes. But she was actually doing better. But she went to bed on May 13th and passed away in her sleep.

And people around me act surprised that I'm having such a struggle. Grief for me is incredibly lonely. I can hardly go out in public. I can't sleep, but when I DO sleep, I dream about her and it startles me awake. Or I hear her voice. It makes my joints hurt. I've had nausea almost every evening since she died. As a follower of Jesus, I've had people 'shame' me for my sorrow. Where's the 'joy of the Lord?' they ask. And I wonder whatever happened to 'Weep with those who weep?'

 

[Criada]

I am sorry it is so hard at the moment, sweetie
A month really isn't very long! Grief takes us all different lengths of time to recover from, there isn't a right way or a wrong way, and whatever you feel is fine. If people don't understand, it may be best to avoid them for now and spend time with those who will let you grieve.
It may be worth looking into some grief counseling.

You will be in my prayers, sweetie. God bless you.

 

[thriftyEvie]

I lost my mom May 1,2009. It is still too heavy on me. I find myself sighing all the time. Both my mom and dad are gone, I pray for those who still have mom's & dads, and that they cherish every single day with them.