I am a foreman . I havn't got many work friends, the reason being is that I find it hard to trust and I won't let anybody in. I put my guard down a few years ago at work and all the labourers tried to walk over me. Now I take no crap. Thing is though, I do want to be friends with them but they seem to keep a low profile round me. What do I do?
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Any advice
- Thread starter dangerousdave
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GK
Love God. Love People. That Simple.
There is much wisdom in this response. It is good to be friendly and to build relationships with the people you serve (aside: it is good to recognize as a leader, your role in serving the people you lead), but the people you lead will not always be your friends. As a leader, this is difficult. You might not be able to build friendships at work as you could if you were a laborer. I would suggest looking for service opportunities through church where you might meet people and make friends.Sisof8 said:
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If others are resentful towards you Dave, ask yourself if you are at fault. God stands against you if you have embittered those whom you are supposed to lead. Ask yourself whether you raise those labourers charged to your care in a spirit of humility, selfless love and meekness - or whether you prefer to domineer and are only seeking your own advantage. Heed the word of the Lord and have done with all threats and anger, so that God will will not be angry with you.
Choose to do good in all things Dave if you can. I am your friend.
Choose to do good in all things Dave if you can. I am your friend.
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Sisof8
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oh, and another comment i have is that men will respect and be drawn towards a servant leader. if you are being harsh or unkind in your leadership your workers will resent you and be turned against you, but if you are willing to go the extra mile to walk alongside them then they will respect you more, and while you might not ever ben true FRIENDS with any of them it will be easier to be friendly while maintaining their respect.
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ABlindManSees
I'll never go back, just call me zealous.
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I'm in the military, and I understand your situation. I have more than once found myself in a leadership position among my peers, it is indeed very difficult. As a person who has encountered this situation here is what I advise:
1) Be fair - this is above all else important, don't ever ask more than you yourself are willing to give, this shows them that you respect them, and don't consider yourself "better" just because you are in charge. Also, fairness is important so that people don't undermine you. Always treat everyone equally, and never ask more than you would be willing to give.
2) Be respectful - Appreciate your workers, praise them when they do well, and critisize in a manner that is not confrontational or belittling. If someone is out of line, explain what you expect and how you would like things to go. Always show them that you repect them and are concerned about their well-being.
3) Be consistent - Let them know work is work, and play is play. You can joke around, when the time is appropriate, but when it's time to work, work hard. Explain that you like to have fun as much as anyone else, but when things need to get done, get them done. Also, if you expect them to be working, make sure you're working too, that way it they respect you for your work ethic as well.
and finally
4) Be Open - Let them get to know you a bit, if you're on lunch, or on a break, get to know them, and be open in return. Ask them about their lives, families, kids, hobbies, etc. People generally like to talk about these things, and it's a good way to show that you're interested in knowing them as people. If they ask you about your life as well, be open in return. You don't have to divulge things that are too personal, but the basics are great.
Those are ways that you can relate to your workers, and they can relate to you. However, be careful to be fair. If some workers don't get along with you, make certain that you treat them the same as you do any friends you might have, fairness is so very important! Also, you could provide some extra-cirricular activities, maybe get the guys together for a BBQ, or something like that. Not only does that create a bonding experience among the workers, and improve morale, but also it lets them get to know you in a relaxed atmosphere.
Hope these help, and good luck!
1) Be fair - this is above all else important, don't ever ask more than you yourself are willing to give, this shows them that you respect them, and don't consider yourself "better" just because you are in charge. Also, fairness is important so that people don't undermine you. Always treat everyone equally, and never ask more than you would be willing to give.
2) Be respectful - Appreciate your workers, praise them when they do well, and critisize in a manner that is not confrontational or belittling. If someone is out of line, explain what you expect and how you would like things to go. Always show them that you repect them and are concerned about their well-being.
3) Be consistent - Let them know work is work, and play is play. You can joke around, when the time is appropriate, but when it's time to work, work hard. Explain that you like to have fun as much as anyone else, but when things need to get done, get them done. Also, if you expect them to be working, make sure you're working too, that way it they respect you for your work ethic as well.
and finally
4) Be Open - Let them get to know you a bit, if you're on lunch, or on a break, get to know them, and be open in return. Ask them about their lives, families, kids, hobbies, etc. People generally like to talk about these things, and it's a good way to show that you're interested in knowing them as people. If they ask you about your life as well, be open in return. You don't have to divulge things that are too personal, but the basics are great.
Those are ways that you can relate to your workers, and they can relate to you. However, be careful to be fair. If some workers don't get along with you, make certain that you treat them the same as you do any friends you might have, fairness is so very important! Also, you could provide some extra-cirricular activities, maybe get the guys together for a BBQ, or something like that. Not only does that create a bonding experience among the workers, and improve morale, but also it lets them get to know you in a relaxed atmosphere.
Hope these help, and good luck!
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geocajun
Priest of the holy smackrament
A couple of ideas -dangerousdave said:
Invite the crew to a "happy hour" on Fridays after work and have a beer with them.
Also if you pick one that you like and who is a good candidate, and attempt to develop him professionaly, it'll be good for both of you and the rest of your crew will like you more for it.
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JamieGraham
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Well - I have had similar situation as I started a company that quickly grew to over 150 people - many were previous 'work' friends. Was that ever tough. It really opened my eyes, people I thought were really friends had the worst sides appear. Especially when they had a little power - theywould use my name as a threat. Well - like you - I had to distance myself to stop any manipulative behaviors- hence losing my so called friends.
I would follow the gentlemans adivce form the military- very well put.
Do not compromise your beliefs or conduct for others inferior or mis-conceptiosn of who you really are.
In business - it is not a popularity contest. And by all means you will not be liked 100% of the imte - no matter what you do.
MOST IMPORTANT-
The higher you go in a company the less people will like you -
Have you ever heard "IT IS LONELY AT THE TOP"? well it is.
Just like in following your spiritual and religious beliefs- not everyone will agree with you - but you stay the course - RIGHT? God knows the truth - that is all that really matters - isn't it?
It is like when you are a follower of God -the devils flock around you -tempting you and trying to rip you down -
It is the same with success - BE STRONG AND I WISH YOU THE BEST!!
I would follow the gentlemans adivce form the military- very well put.
Do not compromise your beliefs or conduct for others inferior or mis-conceptiosn of who you really are.
In business - it is not a popularity contest. And by all means you will not be liked 100% of the imte - no matter what you do.
MOST IMPORTANT-
The higher you go in a company the less people will like you -
Have you ever heard "IT IS LONELY AT THE TOP"? well it is.
Just like in following your spiritual and religious beliefs- not everyone will agree with you - but you stay the course - RIGHT? God knows the truth - that is all that really matters - isn't it?
It is like when you are a follower of God -the devils flock around you -tempting you and trying to rip you down -
It is the same with success - BE STRONG AND I WISH YOU THE BEST!!
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