Any Advice

[JohnnyG]

Here is a scenario.  Jessica (my stepdaughter) is on the phone with a friend, she asks "Johnny can you give me a ride to so and so's house" I say sure, then to her friend "My Dad will give me a ride"

So she calls me Johnny to my face but Dad to friends and such, should I talk to her cause maybe she doesn't feel comfortable calling me Dad to my face or maybe its just easier to call me Dad to her friends instead of explaining or something.

Of course I want her to call me Dad and don't want to look disappointed or make her feel bad if she doesn't feel comfortable with it.  I know I have to talk to her but I figured a little advice couldn't hurt.

 

[psycmajor]

Well, you are pretty young. Perhaps it just seems like you're an older friend to her. Thing is, it is more important for you to be her dad than a friend. "Love must be tough." You must know where to draw the line.

I would say that you should tell her to call you "Dad," so that you stay an authority figure in her mind, and not just another friend or person in her life.

 

[Gerry]

Hey Johnny, I don't have any step children and so I cannot speak from experience. But I see this very thing on a weekly basis. A girl, calls you "Dad" to her friends thereby showing respect for you and for your position. It is easier for the girl to refer to you as Dad than to call you Dad. Even if in her heart you are "Dad" she also feels somehow a Judas to her biological Dad no matter what his circumstance.

If I were in that position, I am not sure I would be too upset about this. As I said, I am no expert in this field, but as long as she is showing the respect she should, I am not sure I would even ask her to call me Dad! Even if it was my heart's desire. Maybe one day on her own she might. THAT would be more meaning to me.

 

[lucypevensie]

I grew up in a step-dad type situation too. (I'm sure you are not the type of step-dad that mine was! He was a horrible person, and that's the nicest thing I can say about him. But that's a different story). I called him by his name to his face, but in front of my friends I referred to him as my dad. The reason that I did this was mostly because I did not feel like explaining to my friends why I call the guy who acts as my dad is not really my dad. It just made things easier. I was a little ashamed of having a divorce situation in my family, so saying dad kind of covered up the ugly past.

I don't think step-kids should be made to call step-parents mom and dad, especially if they have the bio parent fairly active in their lives. Divorce and re-marriage is a big enough change for kids.

Focus on being a loving step-dad. If you are a good man they will love you and respect you no matter what they call you.

 

[fieldmouse3]

I agree with some of the other posts; it sounds like it's probably just easier for her to refer to you as her dad to other people, and to call you by your name when she's talking to you. I know it's a little disappointing, but I'd give it some time.

 

[kersejohn]

I got a step dad years ago when I was 15.
Lots of unsaid things and thoughts churn around in an immature mind.
From personal experience of haviong been in that situation myself you can have faith to win her trust, you can hope she will respond to you, and you can show her LOVE.
These three remain Faith Hope and Love and the greatest of these is LOVE

 

[JohnnyG]

Thanks to all you replied last night, I understand that most of the posts were lost in a server move, oh well, I did read all of them last night and appreciate them all.

 

[kersejohn]

Continuing to pray for your loving relationship with that child to grow in Christ's compassion.

Whether she prefers to call you her dad sometimes only, does not prevent you from refering to her as your daughter ALWAYS. Miss a step. Get it. Just daughter.

Not all of us have always called God, Father.

Only once we realised how much he loved us and cares for us did we do that, and what a priveledge now to call Him ABBA - FATHER

 

[Blessed-one]

i'll be praying.