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Anxiety stemming from "delusional" thinking

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by KingGeorge, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. KingGeorge

    KingGeorge New Member

    15
    +20
    Canada
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Hello all,

    I suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks. I've suffered from anxiety for 2 years, but since a year ago I've been exploring religion, most notably Christianity as a way to cope. The bad news is that it actually makes me much more anxious and stressed, and nowadays all my anxiety comes from religious thoughts that I get. Firstly, I believe that God has the ability to guide me through my heart and thoughts. This made me panic on numerous occassions because then I feel as if God has the ability to dictate my life and control me, even though I know I have free will. I'm scared of going insane too, of mis-interpreting what my heart tells me as the voice of God and doing something stupid because of it. This already happened once when I had a manic attack and was sent to the hospital. When the ambulance arrived to my home I believed that God sent those paramedics and I thought that it meant I was Jesus. During the ride on the ambulance I was thinking how I was to die and be risen in 3 days, and how God would guide me and give me signs during this process. I was scared as hell, and I came to realize I was delusional only when I arrived at the hospital. So this already happened once. Secondly, I also believe that God protects me. But crazy thoughts come into my mind, telling me that if someone punches me, God will make me dodge the punch as to protect me. On some level I know this is not true, yet I feel compelled to believe it's true, and I ask myself "How do you know it's not true?" This makes me anxious and angry for having this thought. Thirdly, I believe God can grant me wisdom. But again, a crazy thought comes into my head. If a biologist is making an observation on a bacteria from his microscope, if he observes that the bacteria is green, then is that God granting him that "understanding" (to me, understanding and wisdom are the same). So you can tell that I also get anxious at this nonsensical thought, and I feel compelled to believe it's possible! These beliefs are causing me to be in a constant state of suffering, and I cannot dispel them. A voice in my heart tells me that I should believe in the Bible as God's Word, and it's hard to convince me otherwise. I don't know what to do! I've tried to even convince myself that God doesn't exist, to no avail! I want to believe in God no matter what, it's just how my brain is wired. But at the same time I am suffering so much. It really tears me apart... I don't know how to navigate these thoughts that torture me. I've tried accepting them, believing that "yes, it's possible", but no matter what it never feels right. What can I possible do?
     
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  2. Verv

    Verv Senior Veteran

    +578
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    In Relationship
    US-Republican
    Here is what I would say...

    There is Providence, and God does guide us and help us, but God certainly doesn't make us dodge every punch.

    My best friend died of cancer in his early thirties. Another one of my friends just recently died right after coming home from vacation -- he just had a heart attack, in public, and died in front of many, in his early fifties. One of these things was a slow, on-going process of death with many prayers during it, and the other was a sudden & surprising death. God had a hand in all of these things, too, surely...

    And I would argue that they were very special people loved by God.

    Yet, they did not have some amazing fate or miracle to go with them. They simply lived, then died.

    God does not make it so everyone dodges every punch -- in fact, He tells us that we will be persecuted for who we are, and that we will one day definitely die. The Bible tells us that we do not know at all what the future will bring.

    We cannot know God's providence... Yet, it is there. So we are told to be worry free because of that. God has a plan for us -- it is unknowable, but it certainly includes our death here on Earth, and exceedingly few of us are destined to be anything like a wonderworker. Yet, God is going to give us what we need to make it into heaven if we sincerely desire to go there, and that is why we should have peace and believe in His Providence.

    I hope that my words can be helpful in some way. :)
     
  3. devin553344

    devin553344 I believe in the Resurrection

    +2,052
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    The only advice I can give you is to tell your doctor about these thoughts you're having :)
     
  4. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

    +5,383
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    Seek face to face counseling.
    There are no real support groups online.
     
  5. MoniqueRenewed

    MoniqueRenewed New Member

    9
    +4
    United States
    Christian
    Married

    You overthink like me. I can get really deep into a thought process but what does it accomplish for me? Nothing. It only drives me into further nonsense and confusion. God does not want you to be confused or fearful. God is a God of order not confusion. Confusion is a weapon of the enemy. We are not meant to understand every single detail of life. Only God has a full understanding of the workings of life. Leave it to Him. He does not want you to be stressed out and worried because you are trapped in deep thought patterns. You already know that you have free will and God is sovereign over everything. Leave it at that. There is no need to worry and stress over every single thing that may or may not happen. God tells us not to worry. My suggestion to you is to write down the thoughts that are bothering you and look through the Bible to see how it applies. For example, when you thought you were Jesus. You can capture that thought and apply the Word of God to it with John 1:14 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son. From here you reassure yourself knowing that there is only one Jesus. You will be able to discern lies from truths and your true intentions at heart from your thoughts. I also suggest reading the Bible consistently to distinguish God’s voice from other voices. When we get to learn about God’s characteristics more through His Word, we able better able to say “I know that’s not coming from God”. We won't do certain things because we already know that voice didn't come from God.

    Hebrew 4:12-13 NIV “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

    You can read more on my blog if you like.

    https://bigsisterinchrist.com/mind/f/thought-life
    Getting to Know His Characteristics
     
  6. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

    +1,153
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    I think you should at least see two people: One is a pastor and another is a therapist. I am not saying that something is wrong with you. But rewiring your brain to accept the truth may not be possible on your own. You are obviously seeking God and that's a great start.
     
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