Anxiety ocd killing me please help!!!

[Nickoala]

I am sorry that this is very long , but I need immediate spiritual help!!!I am a worrier ever since I can remember. I have terrible anxiety and it's killing me. I have prayed to God so much the past few months because I am suffering so badly from anxiety and depression. What I am worried about is a very sinful matter, yet it is all over the news. I feel like everywhere I go it's there! I am right now in a mortal sin because I haven't gone to Mass on Sunday for awhile and I feel like that is why I'm having these thoughts. I am planning to go to Reconciliation to share my thoughts, but I'm afraid the priest will give me the wrong answer and scare me. I am crying right now from how bad it is! I started having these thoughts around last year, but I have had anxiety ever since second grade. My parents are taking me to a doctor, but I don't know if it will help with these thoughts. I can't sleep at all anymore, and right now I can't fall asleep. These thoughts didn't start because I felt it, they started because I was worried I will feel it.I have never had these thoughts when I was very little and all of a sudden they just appeared. I think they came when I saw a YouTuber who was in this sin and I think it scared me! I DO NOT want to fall into this sin. The people who fall into the sin say if you are worrying about it then it is true and that makes me more worried!!! They don't think the sin is wrong though, they think it is completely right?! I just want the pain to go away. I know Jesus told us not to worry about anything, but it's so hard not to! There are so many people falling in this sin, so I think what if that is the same for me? How do I know it isn't the same? It drives me crazy and I had even had some suicidal thoughts. It wasn't severe and I wasn't planning on it, it was just if it did happen what would I do? And I know this is out of topic, but I need to ask this question. Last year I had a dream about Heaven and I need to know what it means! My dream was that it was the end of the world. The sky was red and black and all of these monsters were coming towards me. These monsters were like modern monsters, like Godzilla and zombies. Then I closed my eyes and just started praying. When I opened my eyes I saw that I was somewhere else with an old lady. I told her this must be Heaven. The one thing that stuck out the most about it was Heaven's clouds were pink but like layered! If I saw those clouds again, I would be admired bought them. Then I said well if this is Heaven then where are the golden gates? And in a very far distance I saw a bright gold light. The ground was like a field so I said well let's walk to them and then my dream ended. It was short yet memorable. If you have any idea what it means please let me know , I am just curious! Thank You so much and may God bless you

 

[johndoo]

I don't think the dream has meaning.
If you have a time to see a doctor in the next week, share this post with your family and your doctor.
If you can't see a doctor in the next week, your family may need to take you to the emergency room so you get prompt care.
You need treatment for your problems.
There is appropriate treatment and I want you to have hope that the doctors can help you.
God loves you whether you are in mass or not.
I've prayed for you.

 

[dysert]

Hmm. Didn't you post this on another subforum? (It's ok if you did.) I think I offered my two cents there, but I'll offer them again. First, I would ignore the dream. It's just a dream. Second, when you go to the doc, tell him/her that you're ruminating (thinking these bad thoughts over and over and over again). The doc will likely prescribe an anti-depressant that can break this loop in your thoughts. (I used to ruminate until I got on a high dose of Effexor, and I know someone else who used to ruminate until they got on Paxil.)

What you are going through is treatable, so try not to worry about never getting your thoughts under control. You'll make it if you're persistent with treatment. As for the mortal sin, the Bible doesn't teach that there is any such thing. If you're a believer in Christ, your sins are forgiven, and you don't need to worry about that either.

Let us know how it goes with the doc.

 

[Nickoala]

Thank you! I am actually going to to the doctor today again so let's see how it goes! Thank you!