Hello everyone, I am very desperate for help and I've come to this forum to possibly find it.
It is quite a long read, as well as it leading to another long post, but I am very sincere in my request. I have been dealing and battling with anxiety for nearly 1.5-2 months now and it's absolute torture.
[I couldn't post the link I'm talking about below, but my reddit username is /u/MysticMarxist and I'm sure you could find it in my post history]
My post there links to another thread on /r/Atheism where I explained my demonic experience in better detail and in length for those who are curious. Seeing a demon with your physical eyes and seeing a demon with your 3rd eye is EXTREMELY different and you will see very different things.
I have been a practicing Buddhist for about 9 months now, I did mindfulness meditation for about 7 months and I've been posting and reading on the subreddit /r/Buddhism for about 5-6 months. Two months ago I got an interest in the occult, specifically the youknowwho occult. It began by resubscribing to the S----ism subreddit and I noticed a person in particular that happened to be a theist and not some edgy 13 year old practicing LaVey's ideals. I messaged her and I started learning about the history of the religion, the beliefs in the origin of their god, adversaries to the religion, the different chakras, etc. The basic JOS stuff.
After practicing third eye meditation for about a week or two, being fascinated that I was creating a sensation in-between my eyebrows that felt tingly, I decided to call upon two demons to protect me against evil spirits. I was lying down on my right side in bed meditating, when suddenly it felt like something had grabbed my mind's eye and forced me to look to up towards the direction of my ceiling. Above me in my mind's eye I saw this HUMONGOUS black entity, dare I even try to remember what it really looked like in full, but it was probably the size of the earth or more and it wrapped itself around my consciousness.
I later contacted the same friend, who then contacted some priestesses, who in return contacted the demon I had summoned. She said that I had been, initially, punished for dabbling in a religion I wasn't dedicated to. She, the demon, also said that a minor "gray" (the adversaries in s-----ism, like demons in christianity) was attacking me and making it worse. And I believed it, I got involuntary thoughts of a "gray" looking figure with a big head staring at me through dirty water. It was horrifying.
Speaking of my contact with my friend and the priestesses, I asked her to contact the demon to find out what my problem was. Basically, the scenario I talked about earlier. Same night, same morning. I had my father pray over me in tongues while laying hands on me, and nearing the ending of the prayer I felt two light energies fighting off one dark energy. I was watching it in my third eye, I couldn't actually make out the energies but I definitely saw 3 spirits fighting over my mind's either freedom or oppression. You *could* claim it was the two demons I called upon fighting with a gray, but that seems kind of fishy considering I saw the first one as being a dark consciousness.
I have not had any experiences with positive spirits except one time I perceived something which I thought was the Holy Spirit. One night, I was walking out of the bathroom but I felt this very strong urge to sing a song I knew about forgiveness. The song was written in a fake language, obvious by the lyrics, but the meaning was still in my head that it was a song about forgiving others, no matter what they've done. Ultimate forgiveness. While humming it, I felt this huge surge of energy come from within my chest. It shocked me and even made the hair on my head stand up, something that's never happened to me before. For the next week or two I experienced my hair standing up whenever I got goosebumps, no idea why. I have no idea if it was a real holy event or if I'm just overreacting. It's one of my more questionable experiences, especially since most people see the Holy Spirit as a very calming but very powerful experience. Mine was shocking, not calming and the spirit didn't seem like it was very powerful. Either that, or it didn't show its real power to me.
The next day, I saw my television cut on four times after trying everything to shut it off. I was up late (early morning) and all of a sudden I saw my television cut on. So I turned it off with the remote, but it came back on. I tried another time to cut it off, but it came on again! So I decided that it must be a problem with the remote and cut it off manually via the TV's button. And it cut back on again.
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Sorry for rambling about this in the Anxiety section, but I felt like it was necessary to describe my situation.
Currently I'm having trouble with being in the dark, meditating, not having noise in the background like a fan/TV, going back to the room where the traumatic experience happened (duh), and I'm going to a counselor. She wants me to try and stay in the dark for as long as I can and then cut the TV on when I start feeling anxious. I've tried it for the first time this morning, it went alright. It took about 5-6 minutes before I started getting anxious.
My main problem is going into these little "anxious" states where every little feeling is a spiritual experience. I get very hypersensitive, and because of that I get little mini adrenaline rushes that make it very hard to sleep and to even calm down. I haven't been able to sleep all night because of stomach upset caused by it. I don't really know what to do at this point.
It is quite a long read, as well as it leading to another long post, but I am very sincere in my request. I have been dealing and battling with anxiety for nearly 1.5-2 months now and it's absolute torture.
[I couldn't post the link I'm talking about below, but my reddit username is /u/MysticMarxist and I'm sure you could find it in my post history]
My post there links to another thread on /r/Atheism where I explained my demonic experience in better detail and in length for those who are curious. Seeing a demon with your physical eyes and seeing a demon with your 3rd eye is EXTREMELY different and you will see very different things.
I have been a practicing Buddhist for about 9 months now, I did mindfulness meditation for about 7 months and I've been posting and reading on the subreddit /r/Buddhism for about 5-6 months. Two months ago I got an interest in the occult, specifically the youknowwho occult. It began by resubscribing to the S----ism subreddit and I noticed a person in particular that happened to be a theist and not some edgy 13 year old practicing LaVey's ideals. I messaged her and I started learning about the history of the religion, the beliefs in the origin of their god, adversaries to the religion, the different chakras, etc. The basic JOS stuff.
After practicing third eye meditation for about a week or two, being fascinated that I was creating a sensation in-between my eyebrows that felt tingly, I decided to call upon two demons to protect me against evil spirits. I was lying down on my right side in bed meditating, when suddenly it felt like something had grabbed my mind's eye and forced me to look to up towards the direction of my ceiling. Above me in my mind's eye I saw this HUMONGOUS black entity, dare I even try to remember what it really looked like in full, but it was probably the size of the earth or more and it wrapped itself around my consciousness.
I later contacted the same friend, who then contacted some priestesses, who in return contacted the demon I had summoned. She said that I had been, initially, punished for dabbling in a religion I wasn't dedicated to. She, the demon, also said that a minor "gray" (the adversaries in s-----ism, like demons in christianity) was attacking me and making it worse. And I believed it, I got involuntary thoughts of a "gray" looking figure with a big head staring at me through dirty water. It was horrifying.
Speaking of my contact with my friend and the priestesses, I asked her to contact the demon to find out what my problem was. Basically, the scenario I talked about earlier. Same night, same morning. I had my father pray over me in tongues while laying hands on me, and nearing the ending of the prayer I felt two light energies fighting off one dark energy. I was watching it in my third eye, I couldn't actually make out the energies but I definitely saw 3 spirits fighting over my mind's either freedom or oppression. You *could* claim it was the two demons I called upon fighting with a gray, but that seems kind of fishy considering I saw the first one as being a dark consciousness.
I have not had any experiences with positive spirits except one time I perceived something which I thought was the Holy Spirit. One night, I was walking out of the bathroom but I felt this very strong urge to sing a song I knew about forgiveness. The song was written in a fake language, obvious by the lyrics, but the meaning was still in my head that it was a song about forgiving others, no matter what they've done. Ultimate forgiveness. While humming it, I felt this huge surge of energy come from within my chest. It shocked me and even made the hair on my head stand up, something that's never happened to me before. For the next week or two I experienced my hair standing up whenever I got goosebumps, no idea why. I have no idea if it was a real holy event or if I'm just overreacting. It's one of my more questionable experiences, especially since most people see the Holy Spirit as a very calming but very powerful experience. Mine was shocking, not calming and the spirit didn't seem like it was very powerful. Either that, or it didn't show its real power to me.
The next day, I saw my television cut on four times after trying everything to shut it off. I was up late (early morning) and all of a sudden I saw my television cut on. So I turned it off with the remote, but it came back on. I tried another time to cut it off, but it came on again! So I decided that it must be a problem with the remote and cut it off manually via the TV's button. And it cut back on again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for rambling about this in the Anxiety section, but I felt like it was necessary to describe my situation.
Currently I'm having trouble with being in the dark, meditating, not having noise in the background like a fan/TV, going back to the room where the traumatic experience happened (duh), and I'm going to a counselor. She wants me to try and stay in the dark for as long as I can and then cut the TV on when I start feeling anxious. I've tried it for the first time this morning, it went alright. It took about 5-6 minutes before I started getting anxious.
My main problem is going into these little "anxious" states where every little feeling is a spiritual experience. I get very hypersensitive, and because of that I get little mini adrenaline rushes that make it very hard to sleep and to even calm down. I haven't been able to sleep all night because of stomach upset caused by it. I don't really know what to do at this point.
I don't know if you've made a committment to Jesus Christ yet but He is the best One to help you with this terrible thing you are going through if you just turn your life over to Him. I suggest you also find a good church where the pastor knows about spiritual things. If you feel the presence of evil call out to Jesus Christ to help you. I'll be praying for you.
