Answers, Advice, etc...

[Beef]

Hello,
I just recently bought a ring for my future wife...throughout our dating I have had trouble coping with the fact that she has had 6 or so sexual partners, and i have decided to wait for sexual intercourse...She says she has never been in a Christian type relationship before, and has basically left the physical part up to me, basically she would be willing to do whatever...I think Satan and the world is filling my head with "Hey she is leaving this up to you, you should go a head and be a man and be physical with her" It may stem with my struggles that i have had with porn, and just being in this world...I have also been struggling with the fact that she has been with other men sexually...I guess I just need some advice, prayers, etc...We plan on getting married in Nov 2010...and i have a feeling its going to be tough to stay pure, but we plan on it...

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[Windmill]

Hello,
I just recently bought a ring for my future wife...throughout our dating I have had trouble coping with the fact that she has had 6 or so sexual partners, and i have decided to wait for sexual intercourse...She says she has never been in a Christian type relationship before, and has basically left the physical part up to me, basically she would be willing to do whatever...I think Satan and the world is filling my head with "Hey she is leaving this up to you, you should go a head and be a man and be physical with her" It may stem with my struggles that i have had with porn, and just being in this world...I have also been struggling with the fact that she has been with other men sexually...I guess I just need some advice, prayers, etc...We plan on getting married in Nov 2010...and i have a feeling its going to be tough to stay pure, but we plan on it...

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

You should discuss your fears with her.

It sounds like you're afraid of matching up to them. Well, if you are afraid of this, if this is bringing you down, speak to her and let her calm your fears! Our imaginations and minds can conjure up horrible images and thoughts. Talk to her about them.

As for staying pure, the best way if you're struggling is of course just don't go into a situation where that is possible. I.e. limit alone time together in places that could lead to such things, e.g. being in an empty house together. Its certainly on the extreme end of ways to hold out and definitely not the ideal situation but if you really want to and if you are feeling very tempted this might end up being your only choice.

 

[Beef]

actually its not worrying about matching up...its the fact that inside satan and the world is telling me im not being a man by taking control and physically being with her...and there is some jealousy in there as well of her being with others im sure...

 

[Windmill]

Well to this I'd say a few things,

1) There is nothing manly about sex! Sex is sex. You are no less a man by not having sex. How does sex = manliness? It doesn't she has given you control not so show how much of a man you are but so that you can be comfortable within the relationship by going only as far as you feel comfortable morally since she doesn't know what those moral limits are. Do not abuse her trust by using it to feel like "a man"!

2) Jealousy is completely normal. So talk with her about it.

3) Think about why you are jealous. I mean its totally natural to be jealous but usually jealousy is illogical.

I mean why be jealous of those guys? They don't have a candle on you do they? She clearly thinks you're much more wonderful over them hence why she is with you. So what are you jealous of?

 

[mustang333]

Sounds like a weird situation. Because God wants you to wait for marriage, then he will give you the strength to wait. She should respect your decision to lead your relationship in the right direction. I think girls feel more confident in guys who can make a decision with confidence, and I hope that you would have more confidence following God than what the world tells you!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

If she has no boundaries I'm wondering where she is in her faith? Are you going to be equally yoked?

 

[Beef]

thanks for all the responses...she has never had a Christian relationship before...she just thinnks no sex before the marriage is what is right...i told her i know what i am going to be the spiritual leader of the house, but think what is probably right...and she agreed...she has again just never had a wholesoe Christian relationship...


do any of you see where i am coming from with this...my question in the first post

 

[gzt]

Be the spiritual leader, the man, by committing to chastity. You have your responsibility and you know what it is. Being a man means facing your responsibility.

One thing I'm wondering, though, is why the long engagement?

 

[xDenax]

Well, remind yourself that a man is able to control himself when necessary. Self control is needed in all aspects of life and marriage. I do wonder though, you are 28 years old? If you are serious, have already bought a ring and plan to get married...what are you waiting for?

 

[California Dreamin']

Is there any way that you could possibly get married sooner? What that help in this situation?

 

[crehberg]

Is there any way that you could possibly get married sooner? What that help in this situation?

I second that motion.

 

[Beef]

oh yea i feel the same way about getting married sooner but she is one that believes it takes a while to get everything plannned and wants to have a nice perfect wedding..

 

[xDenax]

You can plan a fancy wedding in three months. She does not need more than a year to plan. Why would anyone want to wait that long so they can plan for one day? Does this not worry you? Have you told her it's okay with you...is it really?

 

[California Dreamin']

A lot of people think you need a year, but you really don't. If you have the money to pay for deposits and everything... you don't need to wait as long.