Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. —Psalm 127:1
Two months ago during a casual conversation I made a comment about someone I was previously involved with unexpectedly. It spilled out. I stared at the words in shock and knew I had to unpack it. I began doing so and the Lord led me back to the time when when I met
@cara-mia and discovered the meaning of agape.
He reminded me what we said and what I desired in a companion and encouraged me to reach out to him and I did. We hadn't spoken in a year and I wasn't sure what was going on with him but that didn't matter. I shared my thoughts and heart and kept doing so. I was writing my way through the uncertainty until I found the answers I sought.
He hadn't responded and I didn't know why and felt a combination of silliness, frustration, and confusion. So I stopped. But the Holy Spirit pricked me and I resumed. He encouraged me to let go and stop holding back. Once again, I did as He asked.
I noticed changes within myself. An awakening and budding joy that was the result of returning to the place. It's a quieter, calmer, softer bella. The heart of my surrender and femininity. It necessitates vulnerability and transparency on a different scale.
I continued once a day. I skipped one time and noticed a shift. I was out of sorts and resumed my schedule. I returned to the site where I met him and reconnected with old acquaintances. I needed to work on myself and be in the company of like-minded women.
I began receiving a lot of correspondences from the opposite sex. Although I indicated I wasn't looking (and I wasn't) and never acknowledged what I desired on my profile. A polite gentleman reached out and we began talking. Our discourse is light and enjoyable. He's respectful and kind. But I could tell he was interested.
My concern increased and I asked the Lord for help. Before I drifted off to sleep Monday evening I told Him I needed an answer. Not knowing was difficult. Where we reconciling or not? I prayed for both and went to bed. Unbeknownst to me the solution was underway.
I woke Tuesday morning to a message. I'll include a snippet here:
What are you creating desire for - and, how are you going about it?
More importantly - is that serving you? Sometimes we find ourselves wanting something yet our actions are not aligned with what we want at all.
I knew it was for me and what it referenced. I began to cry. I sat down to write and shared the piece with him in my note. I felt the Lord nudging to dive in. I told him I wasn't sure what he wanted but I knew he'd never string me along or blow me off. That's not his way. He's a gentleman. I suggested that he visit too.
I went about my day and stole a peek at my inbox and had a note from him. Monday evening while setting up an account he needed to validate his information. The email was sent to the address I was writing. When he logged in he saw the notes. He wasn't aware I was writing at all.
He spent the evening reading my notes and wrote a heartfelt messages in the morning. While he was composing it the one I wrote arrived. I noticed a difference immediately. He was more mature, settled, and mentioned God several times. We experienced parallel journeys of self-reflection and a mutual recognition about the other's place.
He wants me. We're together. And he'll be here in a few weeks. The Lord answered my prayer decidedly. It's a little surreal. But He told me not to give up. And I'm glad I didn't.
~bella
