Another "what would you do?" question.

[LovebirdsFlying]

Details (lots of them) will come later. I don't have much time right now.

You and your spouse both work for the same company. To you it's just a job, but your spouse loves it. Suddenly and unexpectedly your spouse is fired, for something that you know and fully agree is bogus. When your spouse tries to discuss the situation with the company, they don't even offer the courtesy of responding. This causes your spouse a tremendous amount of stress and anguish.

Do you:

1.) Verbally assure your spouse you're on their side, the company did your spouse wrong, and you're just as angry about it as they are, but you just keep working there as if nothing happened?

Or,

2.) Start looking for another job immediately. It isn't necessary to walk off without having something else to go to, but at least start looking.

 

[Michie]

Details (lots of them) will come later. I don't have much time right now.

You and your spouse both work for the same company. To you it's just a job, but your spouse loves it. Suddenly and unexpectedly your spouse is fired, for something that you know and fully agree is bogus. When your spouse tries to discuss the situation with the company, they don't even offer the courtesy of responding. This causes your spouse a tremendous amount of stress and anguish.

Do you:

1.) Verbally assure your spouse you're on their side, the company did your spouse wrong, and you're just as angry about it as they are, but you just keep working there as if nothing happened?

Or,

2.) Start looking for another job immediately. It isn't necessary to walk off without having something else to go to, but at least start looking.

I’d start looking. Sounds like nobody is immune to that behavior from the company.

 

[snoochface]

Start looking immediately. If they'll do it to one, they'll do it to all. Plus, it's just likely to be a sore spot between the spouses going forward, which isn't worth it when it's "just a job" to the one who still works there.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Reason for asking is, my husband has quite clearly made the other choice. He told me he sympathizes, they did me dirty and I didn’t deserve it, but he likes the job because it isn’t as stressful as ones he’s had previously, and in the three weeks since it happened, he has made no move to look elsewhere. When I bring it up, he says he doesn’t want to talk about it.

I don’t blame him for liking the job, but he can’t and doesn’t say he loves it, like I did.

And he *does* profess to love *me.*

I’m in too much emotional pain to go into more detail right now, but I’ll come back and answer questions for anyone who has any.

 

[Michie]

Reason for asking is, my husband has quite clearly made the other choice. He told me he sympathizes, they did me dirty and I didn’t deserve it, but he likes the job because it isn’t as stressful as ones he’s had previously, and in the three weeks since it happened, he has made no move to look elsewhere. When I bring it up, he says he doesn’t want to talk about it.

I don’t blame him for liking the job, but he can’t and doesn’t say he loves it, like I did.

And he *does* profess to love *me.*

I’m in too much emotional pain to go into more detail right now, but I’ll come back and answer questions for anyone who has any.

Well that’s a tough situation to be sure. He may learn on a personal level someday when it comes to this company. But he might feel it will upend your lives and does not want to leave on several levels. Personally, I’d be keeping an eye out for a better opportunity but the stress factor for him probably plays a huge role for him.

 

[snoochface]

I'm sorry he's taking that line. From things you've said in the past, I'm wondering if it's a combination of him not being comfortable with you having big emotions, and not wanting to deviate from the easiest course of action, which is inaction. He's got a good job, in his mind it's "Why take another path when this one is fine?" -- because he's not seeing that it's not fine, because of the impact on you. And he's not seeing that because you're feeling big things and he's uncomfortable with that so he's not hearing you or seeing what's going on inside you.

None of which is excusing it, but maybe just explaining it a little? It just seems like in the past, he's had a really hard time hearing you when you're in your feelings. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel exactly the same way you do - but his pragmatism doesn't let him see that you're feeling understandably betrayed by him seemingly standing by the job instead of standing by his wife.

 

[Sabri]

Details (lots of them) will come later. I don't have much time right now.

You and your spouse both work for the same company. To you it's just a job, but your spouse loves it. Suddenly and unexpectedly your spouse is fired, for something that you know and fully agree is bogus. When your spouse tries to discuss the situation with the company, they don't even offer the courtesy of responding. This causes your spouse a tremendous amount of stress and anguish.

Do you:

1.) Verbally assure your spouse you're on their side, the company did your spouse wrong, and you're just as angry about it as they are, but you just keep working there as if nothing happened?

Or,

2.) Start looking for another job immediately. It isn't necessary to walk off without having something else to go to, but at least start looking.

Definitely #2. How can you respect a company who doesn’t respect your mate. And they don’t value you or your mate. They ultimately know you are going to leave but they don’t care. They figure they can do without you or your hubbie. Leave. Find something else and leave

 

[mama2one]

we met at the same company....when we married, they said married couple can't work there & I had to quit.....it didn't seem fair because two siblings worked there
I know it's not the same but husband stayed working there
I think your husband should stay cause it's too hard to find good jobs

 

[Gnarwhal]

Details (lots of them) will come later. I don't have much time right now.

You and your spouse both work for the same company. To you it's just a job, but your spouse loves it. Suddenly and unexpectedly your spouse is fired, for something that you know and fully agree is bogus. When your spouse tries to discuss the situation with the company, they don't even offer the courtesy of responding. This causes your spouse a tremendous amount of stress and anguish.

Do you:

1.) Verbally assure your spouse you're on their side, the company did your spouse wrong, and you're just as angry about it as they are, but you just keep working there as if nothing happened?

Or,

2.) Start looking for another job immediately. It isn't necessary to walk off without having something else to go to, but at least start looking.

It sounds like a both/and situation to me, not either/or. I was raised to never quit a job without already being hired somewhere else, so I would advise the same to anyone in this hypothetical situation. Especially if their family's already lost one source of income, potentially the primary source of income, then the family will need the remaining source until the spouse gets something new.

So if I were you I would reassure your spouse that you're in his corner, tell him you're going to look for a job elsewhere (or if he gets a new job somewhere else and the income is sufficient, you could just quit then, whichever comes first). Now if the spouse explicitly says "no, don't quit that job. They fired me unjustly but I don't hate them for it and I don't want you to quit if you don't want" then that's another thing and I would consider staying.

I think it's also slightly different if it were a husband getting fired vs a wife. If a wife loses her job, the husband can step up and perhaps better make up for the financial loss and then the wife and care for the home and remain unemployed, or at least take her time in finding new employment. If it's the other way around it could be harder on the family, unless it's the rare instance of the wife being the breadwinner.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Update:

Hubby is still working there. We came to an agreement that since he left his previous job after a short time, he doesn't want to quit this one too and look like a job hopper when he goes to apply for another one. Especially at his age. But he IS on my side about what happened, so any time they need a volunteer to pick up overtime, he nopes them right to their faces. He won't give them any extra. Bare minimum only.

Here's what happened. Hubby and I were hired at the same time, actually before our background screenings and fingerprints were complete. I remember mentioning elsewhere on this forum that I was once arrested for bouncing a check, back in 1998. It was due to a math error, not because I was trying to commit a crime, and the total was less than $100. I had moved and didn't get notification that the check had bounced, or I would have paid it. The charge was supposed to be expunged after I completed community service. I did, and it turns out it wasn't. Understand that it is now so old, the courthouse where this took place doesn't even have a record of it anymore. Everything has been purged from their system. I was fired for not disclosing that I had this on my record, when I had no idea it was still on my record to disclose.

No matter. All attempts to explain were completely ignored. I was advised to send the director a letter of explanation. I did. He ignored it. I sent him a request that he please never again hire somebody before finishing their background screening, so this doesn't happen to somebody else. He ignored it. My therapist then suggested I send one last email telling him how this made me feel. He ignored that too.

So I worked there just long enough to fall in love with the job, then had it yanked out from under me for a mistake I made 25 years ago. Management treated me like an absolute criminal.

Immediate effect was that the shock and stress triggered diabetic ketoacidosis and landed me in the hospital for a few days. Yes, both the hospital physician and my own primary care doctor came right out and said it was the shock and stress that did it. But the chain of events here is important, because while there, I heard of a position I could apply for at the hospital. I didn't get that job, BUT we decided (and prayed about it) that if I got it or didn't, I am now physically strong enough to return to classes and get my CNA credential back. I once did that for a living, but after I was in a car accident, I found I could no longer perform the duties, and it took me a long time to recover enough to work at all. I can do it now. I completed the CNA classes, passed my written test, and have the skills test scheduled this Saturday. I'll keep you posted.

I do have another job offer, assuming I pass the skills test and the onboarding goes smoothly, which it seems to be doing. And yes, they already know I bounced a check 25 years ago. I should start Monday if there are no snags. Pray for me, please.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Details (lots of them) will come later. I don't have much time right now.

You and your spouse both work for the same company. To you it's just a job, but your spouse loves it. Suddenly and unexpectedly your spouse is fired, for something that you know and fully agree is bogus. When your spouse tries to discuss the situation with the company, they don't even offer the courtesy of responding. This causes your spouse a tremendous amount of stress and anguish.

Do you:

1.) Verbally assure your spouse you're on their side, the company did your spouse wrong, and you're just as angry about it as they are, but you just keep working there as if nothing happened?

Or,

2.) Start looking for another job immediately. It isn't necessary to walk off without having something else to go to, but at least start looking.

It depends. If his was the primary income and he has an established career there, then I’d be happy with number one and chalk it up to it being bad circumstances that would only be made worse if he left.

However, if there was a worry what happened to him could happen to me, I’d look for another job.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I’m bringing this old post up again for a special reason. I feel properly chastised and repentant. Rest assured I have apologized to my husband, and I have promised him I will never say another word to him on the subject, or even feel resentful.

Edited to add for the curious, I did get that CNA job and I am still working there, although my health will only allow me to work an on-call position.

As my husband has continued working for this company, which he still does, somewhere in the back of my mind, I just didn’t feel prioritized. It’s not that it’s a great job. It’s fairly low pay with little to no chance of a raise, and he says management doesn’t have his back if something goes wrong. (Of course they don’t!) He gave me two reasons for staying. One, he had left his previous job after a short time, and he didn’t want to look like a job hopper on his resume. Two, he wanted to build up vacation time so we could spend time with his family for his mother’s 80th birthday. They live two states away from us, so it took some traveling and required a full vacation to make it possible. Now that the vacation is over and he’s got enough history to prove he’s not a job hopper, he is looking elsewhere for employment.

I understand, intellectually. But coming purely from an emotional place, I know if they had done to him what they did to me, all they’d have seen of me is my back side as I’m walking out. And I wondered in my heart why he still hadn’t taken a stand for me.

Last night, in a private conversation as the clients were sleeping, my husband told a seeking coworker all about Jesus.

He wouldn’t have been there to do that if he had made me his priority.

I am not supposed to be his priority. I am supposed to come second behind the Lord. He was staying there because God was telling him to. Of course he’s supposed to listen to God rather than to me.

Stepping down from the throne I don’t belong on.

 

[Aldebaran]

LBF:
I can understand how losing a job you love can be very stressful. It's especially true when it's a job you love. The place you work isn't just a place to earn a living, but it's also a social environment where you make friends and feel a sense of purpose. When all of that is taken away, it almost feels like a death in a way. So I can see how it would be even more stressful when you have a loved one involved who is still there when you are not. That really complicates things.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Update:

I really, really, REALLY have to learn to wait for God's timing.

Hubby just called me. He is on his way to work now. Yes, at that same company he's been working at all this time. But he has been looking, true to his word, ever since we came back from his mother's birthday celebration. He was hired for a part time position. The one he has now is *just shy* of 40 hours a week, and he thought he could work both jobs until the new one can take him on full time. He hasn't started the new job yet. He was swinging by there to turn in the last of the paperwork this morning and make it official before going to his present job at *that* place.

So they tied up all the loose ends, and he was getting into his car to go to his present job, when his cell phone rang. They suddenly want to see him back in the office. He goes to see what they want. As of this morning, they told him, a full time position has just opened up. Does he want it?

Yes, of course he does.

It's 2 to 3 dollars more an hour than he currently makes, AND now it's going to start right out as full time.

His orientation is scheduled for a slight bit over 2 weeks from now, so he can give his old job notice. We were able to use vacation time for his mother's birthday, but guess what? He still has another week of vacation left. He also has a week's worth of sick time built up. He's going to take all of that time, he says. He'll use the remaining week of vacation, and then call in sick after that. Why should he give them a break, especially after what they did to me? Today may very well be his last day working there.

He tells me that his present--soon to be former--employer is desperately understaffed and can't seem to keep employees. Gee, I wonder why. I also wonder if I'll be able to hear them scream when he quits.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

PS: He just got home. It was his last day. And he walked out of there playing "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" on his cell phone.