Back in 2007 I used to be all active here on this forums, and then I reappeared in 2008, but since then, I haven't been here. Recently, and I mean within last few months, I've felt like i've lost everything. Within those years, don't get me wrong, I have 2 beautiful babies, daughter, Holly, who will be 2 Jan 4th, and a son, Anthony, 1 on Jan 12th. Best things in this world that's happened to me in the last few years. My daughters mother wants nothing to do with her, and since i'm on a roll with back stories, tried killing her on numerous occasions. Well i had no problem leaving her mother but recently thereafter, i fell for a girl. Ashley and I were together, we had our baby boy, we were in love.. well things started falling apart after he was born. I was always out, school, work.. we never spent time together.. eventually she couldn't deal with having a roommate boyfriend.. as much as i know i was hurting her.. i've been dead inside since.. i stare at old photos and today.. and most likely why? I came here.. I had my first mental breakdown ever in my life. In front of my 1 year old and i feel completely horrible. I started just slamming walls, screaming, throwing things.. losing track of reality.. and after a few moments of that.. i came to, and all day for no reason my daughter would look at daddy and cry.. i don't want to be torn up like this.. all i ever wanted since day 1 was a family, and all i've ever gotten was broken homes.. and to this day i fight insanity for my children, i love them more than life and they're both my world. and i haven't been living a life in christ since and i think i've been brought here from God, but maybe i just don't know where else or what else to do? or maybe thats why i got led here? i'm not sure but i am here now, and i want to open my eyes and my heart to what this is all supposed to mean.. my life, my family, my home. Thanks for all those who had read my post. God Bless those who pray for me, as well as those who don't.
-Joseph
-Joseph
