Spekgirl-
It seems like you may need some inner healing, or what is referred to as the healing of the memories. A lot of times, we suffer traumatic experiences early in life that profoundly affect us to the extent we lose control over our thought process and even our bodies. Anorexia is one of them. Jesus Christ is the one who can truly heal our minds, but he has handed the keys over to us.
A number of years ago, my pastor traveled to the orient on a mission trip and worked with a 11 or 13 year old girl dying of anorexia. She was only 75, maybe 80 Ibs. and wasnt expected to live much longer. During the session, she was asked to revisit her past while the pastor prayed for the Lord to bring back certain childhood memories and reveal what happened. It turned out that when she was around 3-4 years old, her impoverished single-parent mother left her with a distant aunt to raise her because she didnt have enough money to raise both her and her sister. The girl remembered crying and screaming for her mother and experiencing a deep feeling of abandonment. Of course, she was too young to understand the reasons why her mother left her there, and it didnt matter anyway.
In the days to follow, her aunt tried to deflect some of her own feelings of guilt by blaming the girl, saying, The reason why your mother left you is because you eat too much! Several years later, the girl was reunited with her mother and sister. Even though things went back to normal on the surface, the psychological damage was done, and she began developing anorexia. She bought the lie of the devil that she must stop eating in order to be loved.
After renouncing the lies of the devil and exercising forgiveness on all sides with the mom professing her love for her daughter, and that she was allowed to eat as much as she wanted, a miraculous healing took place in her mind, and she immediately regained her appetite and asked for something to eat because she was really hungry, whereas moments earlier, she had no appetite.
About a year later, the mission team returned to visit this family and was astounded at the girls recovery. She was barely recognizable because of all the weight she had regained. The girl no longer had any eating disorder and was completely healed.
I believe the same healing is available for you.