Anorexia

[TheListener]

I've posted this in another forum as well, sorry about the cross post, I wasn't aware this forum existed.

Hi

My wife has been in a depression since our wedding was over almost three months ago. She has had similar problems in the past & has had times when she would not eat. She told me once she didn't feel like she deserved to eat, this was a couple of years ago. I just dismissed the issue as absurdity.

After our honeymoon was over she started losing weight fast. She is literally almost skin & bones right now as I am typing this. She also hasn't been sleeping, only 1 or 2 hours a night for the last few weeks.

Last weekend we had some talks & I told her I felt like I'm losing faith in our marriage unless she snaps out of it & starts looking after herself. I also told her it would not stop me from trying to make it work, it was just a feeling.

She cut her wrists. I got to her in time & we bandaged it. I told her we would make a new commitment right now, a renewed effort. We must approach whatever it is we are dealing with with love & understanding, we must communicate and we must know neither of us will ever give up.

She has been seeing this therapist for about 5 years & she made an appointment for us to go together last night.

The therapist explained her condition was anorexia. For the sake of the topic she kept referring to it as demons who pretends they are her friends, they tell her she has to deserve her food. If she talks about it, or eats when she isn't allowed to, she is in big trouble and must make up for it by not eating for 2 or so days and must be good in the meantime or she won't be able to eat again. If she is bad, the demons of a/b (anorexia/bulemia) put her down with constant taunting telling her she's hopeless, she is unworthy etc. They are also the reason she can't sleep because they won't shut up. Then they tell her she can make it up by not eating tomorrow... etc etc etc you get the picture.

I've started reading a book about it and it all seems very real. I didn't even know the existence of such a thing until yesterday.

I want to ask has anybody heard of this, had experiences with it & beaten it, or had a friend go through this? I can use any & all help right now.

 

[Music4Hym777]

Yep, been there. It is a tricky road to deal with. Honestly, probably the best steps to take are to get her to the doctor (Physician), to do some blood work and a physical. The condition Anorexia can cause a lot of things, just some of them are amenorhea (no menstrarion), bone damage, heart damage (this is how most anorexic patients die), anemia, the list goes on.

After you go to the doctor, then a full psychological evaluation will probably be what he/she recommends. The therapist that she is going to now, honestly does not sound like a good one if they are allowing her to continue down this road so steadily for five years.

By the time I got all of my doctors lined up, I was going to the Psychologist and Nutritionist every week, the Psychiatrist and the Physician once a month (unless something went arise). Then I had a personal trainier that I went to twice a week to teach me how to properly exercise without over exerting myself.

Let me warn you though, if she is not ready to get rid of it, she wont. She will sneak it. It has to be her that is ready to give it all up. When I was going through it, everyone found out, but I wasn't ready to give it up so I just continued in an even sneakier pattern until I was ready to give it up. It is also not an over night change, it is one that takes work on more than her part and a lot of time. I've had to do the physical work in my recovery, but there have been times where I have had to call my fiance and just let him know that I might not be able to make it through the day, because I am being attacked so bad.

What you can do is be her number 1 support. Especially in the role of the husband, she is already pretty close to you and she will probably open up easier to you (atleast that was how I was with my fiance, he found out while we were just boy friend and girl friend, I thought that he would break up with me because of it, but nope, we're getting married in 18 months!)

Hope this helps some, if you have any more questions, I would be happy to answer them.

 

[TheListener]

It appears that this has been with her for years but it wasn't named until a few days ago. I think identifying this is a great victory but its just a battle won and the war is just starting.

She wrote some notes yesterday which I wrote. It appears that she gets praised when she doesn't eat and seduced into thinking these demons are her friends & she will be liked, accepted etc. When she disobeys them they attack her, demoralise her & then trick & seduce her again to go back into death row. Its like a concentration camp.

She says she is willing, and at times I believe her. But mind you its only been a few days since this started.

We're reading a book called "Biting the hand that starves you - inspiring resistance to anorexia/bulemia". It is a different approach than the norms
and it takes a point of view of anorexia/bulemia (a/b) being an external voice, much like a demon in the old days. (I can still debate that but thats not the point).

When I talk to my wife & tell her things I can actually ask her what she's being told in response.

It tells her that "I", her husband, am the one out to punish her. It tells her that I am the liar, her unhappiness is because of me.

I said "May the Lord rebuke that demon" and she said that it just shrugged it off and said "yea whatever".

I feel like I'm in uncharted territory. It has her in a stranglehold and not going to let go. It attacks her physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually.

She wrote yesterday and showed me (defying the demons strictest orders not to) and it says things like it "feeds" on these things (her emotions, lack of spirituality, her misery etc).

It actually said, after some probing, that "it" didn't want to share my wife with me. It's as if she's having an unwanted affair with this thing.

I don't know what to do, I try to be supportive but seeing her hopelessness makes me hopeless as well and I get frustrated, I even found myself last night resisting not to lash out.

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

I know some of what you are feeling, i have both been the best friend watching people go through it and right now i am suffering from Ana, It is a hard one, you just have to let her know that you will not give up on her, you must know that force feeding her is not the way to go, just be there for her, however hard it is to watch her do this to herself, whatever pressure you or the doctors put on her to recover until she is ready it will not happen that i can gaurentee.

If i can do anything else for you pm me

Love n Hugs

Lizzie