Hi. Most people wouldn't believe it now, but I've been suffering from some major ED problems ever since I was like... 10?
My dad said I was ugly and not worth anything.
So did some of my peers. Well most of them actually.
So I started cutting. And I starved myself. And then I started binging to the point where I could no longer stop.
I was once too skinny, I was once too overweight.
I am still both obsessed with and hate food.
I still feel uncomfortable eating around people.
I still feel uncomfortable around girls that are prettier than me (all girls then).
I have been in recovery for years and yet it still doesn't seem to go away. My weight was my idol. God has healed me from this; now I am fasting to spend time with Him and see if He will bring me physical healing as well. I feel like a little girl he holds in the palm of his hand, the one he once knit together in her mother's womb. He knows all parts of my body, even the most delicate, well-hidden ones, so why wouldn't he know how to heal me, how to sew me back together when it feels like I've been torn apart. I feel so treasured and cherished by Him, like never before, you can't even imagine.
...So all I'm asking for here is prayers. Please pray for his monster called ED to go away. Please pray for me to stop seeing Ugly every time I look in the mirror. And please, please just tell me I'm not alone?
Thanks,
Lily
My dad said I was ugly and not worth anything.
So did some of my peers. Well most of them actually.
So I started cutting. And I starved myself. And then I started binging to the point where I could no longer stop.
I was once too skinny, I was once too overweight.
I am still both obsessed with and hate food.
I still feel uncomfortable eating around people.
I still feel uncomfortable around girls that are prettier than me (all girls then).
I have been in recovery for years and yet it still doesn't seem to go away. My weight was my idol. God has healed me from this; now I am fasting to spend time with Him and see if He will bring me physical healing as well. I feel like a little girl he holds in the palm of his hand, the one he once knit together in her mother's womb. He knows all parts of my body, even the most delicate, well-hidden ones, so why wouldn't he know how to heal me, how to sew me back together when it feels like I've been torn apart. I feel so treasured and cherished by Him, like never before, you can't even imagine.
...So all I'm asking for here is prayers. Please pray for his monster called ED to go away. Please pray for me to stop seeing Ugly every time I look in the mirror. And please, please just tell me I'm not alone?
Thanks,
Lily
