Angry today..

[inupiat]

I hate this....I feel I got the short end of the stick again. Almost 17 years of marriage and she cheated on me 14 years ago. We were not doing good back then and I feel my words hurt her to the point were she didn't care for me. So she gone out and had the affair. She came back from her trip and had signed the divorce papers. Why didn't I do sign it back then? I feel I'm stuck now with 4 kids. It ticks me off today. I was getting over it and doing well. I was starting to sleep again. I know I should forgive and forget, but it won't let me go!!! Her sin is always before my eyes!!! It takes my breath away at times. I feel I should get even....

Who is worse off? The cheater or the one cheated on?

 

[snoochface]

It's been 14 years and you've been living with the anger and feelings of revenge for all that time?

It's time to let it go and forgive. I don't know the details of your situation, other than what you have posted here, but you have to remember:

[bible]luke 6:37[/bible]

We're really lucky that God forgives us. We should forgive others in the same way. Her sin - against you and against God - was a long time ago, and if she is a Christian God has already forgiven her. Has she expressed her apologies to you? Has she been faithful since that time? If yes to both, then I think you really need to let it go and forgive, like God has done.

Getting even shouldn't be an option. It's not up to us to judge and take vengence. That's God's job. Not to mention the old adage of two wrongs not making a right. You have kids, and bringing more grief into the marriage is not what they need from their father.

I wish you luck, and I will pray for you. I think that you will feel a lot better about your wife and your marriage if you can let go of the pain and anger you have held on to for 14 years. It's time.

 

[donniewheeler]

I have been through your pain, but you have 4 kids. Pray walk closer with God and have fun with your kids spend time with them play With them. amd forgive her. No matter how you do it forgive her.

 

[inupiat]

yes... 14 years since she did it... two months since she told me about it. I know I need to let is go... but it is always in my mind... i'm trying.... I hate this... I was doing good...is this just a stage that I am going through?

 

[obibask]

Hi,
the pain of infidelity is such that the otherwise forgiving christian religion even allows divorce on that grounds. It's not something to be taken lightly. Not only are you to forgive, u need healing yourself. Yes, healing from the extreme pain and disappointment, from the shame, humilliation and doubts over your virility, healing from your reduced capacity to trust and love again. And healing is a process, don't be too hard on yourself, give yourself sometime to heal, probably with the help of your wife once you've decide u will want to stay with her.

All the best.

 

[Avaya]

I think that if she confessed to you a sin that she committed against you 14 years ago, it must have been weighing heavily on her heart. I would suspect that she was unable to continue on knowing that she had unconfessed and unforgiven sin. Which is a GOOD thing. It means that the Holy Spirit was stirring in her. Now show her the love of Christ and forgive her also. I know that sounds so cut and dried (and of course God instructs for it to be that way, but we generally allow our emotions to rule so it's a lot harder than it should be!). God would want you to forgive her as He has forgiven you. If she confessed an affair from 14 years ago, I presume she's not confessed anything from since that time, meaning she's been faithful since. Cling to that. Funny how a lifetime of good can be wiped out by one mistake, by a bad judgement call, by running one stoplight after having one celebratory drink and then hitting a pedestrian, by * name any error here * , etc. What she did was horrible. But you can forgive her. I pray that God will show you how to offer her Mercy as He has offered it to you.

 

[donniewheeler]

yes you can forgive her and should even if you get a divorce she will always be in your life your mariage is worth saving. Remember Love is a choice not an emotion

 

[InTheFlame]

I feel for you. It's a hard road.

Beware of feeling sorry for yourself. It's fine to be upset and cry, or angry and use a punching bag... but be careful of that thought process which goes something like, 'I don't deserve all this. I do ____ and ____ and ____, slave away 24/7, I'm always here for them, and I get nothing in return... it's all so unfair...' etc.

Try to make sure you always look at the situation objectively. Recognise that you've stuffed up this week, and today, too. Keep in mind that you've been sinned against, but you've also sinned against others (and God). You're no better than she.

The reason I say this stuff is that you seem to be rather overbalanced into the doldrums at the moment. eg. these 4 kids you're 'stuck with' ... did she bring them home from the pound without consulting you, or something?

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better soon. Like I said, it's OK to be sad and/or angry. Acknowledge it, pour it out to God, know that he hears you and understands, and try to move on to another activity.

 

[sldean2004]

I was cheated on while we were dating and didn't find out until after 9 months of marriage. Now, 6 months later, everything I post is related to that lie, the hurt, and the distrust that has since developed. I understand and appreciate everything people say, but it is not that easy. Either they have not been in the same position or they are just perfect. We all have our things that we have difficulty dealing with. This is ours. Theirs may be something else, that we could handle. I feel for you. I know 14 years ago was a long time, but you said she just told you 2 months ago? That will take time. Some marriages get through this and some don't, and there is no right or wrong way. If you have had a good marriage since and believe she has been faithful to you, has loved you and been devoted to you, and think this has weighed on her mind and she loves you SO MUCH she needed to tell you now, than that is great and you actually have something to be happy for.

 

[jmcgowan2]

inupiat,
Not having gone through what you're experiencing, I don't think I have any room to really comment, but I want you to know that I'm praying for you, and I hope that you and your wife get through this together.

Jeremiah McGowan

 

[Leanna]

This is a hard thing to deal with. For you guys to heal and talk through this without it getting ugly, I would suggest counseling. It is important that you talk through it and not just put it away as past. I really believe so because we had infidelity in our marriage and we tried to put it away as past and so we haven't moved on. We are in couseling now and I hope now we can both heal.

 

[tekwerx]

...is this just a stage that I am going through?

Yes it is...and unfortunately, this stage lasts for an extremely long time. You can forgive, and you can get along as well as you can, but you cannot put it behind you. It becomes a part of who you are, and changes you in ways you won't know about for some time to come. The best advice I can give is to pray about it and put all your faith in God. All of it.

God bless.