The first few months are often pretty brutal. There can be a real temptation to try and shortcut grief. The challenge in doing so, as that it will come back, and when it does, is the unintended consequences are often a lot harder the next go round than what might have been if you engaged with it from the get go. Easier said than done of course...
Some of the things I did, which may or may not be helpful.
I went and hung out at the hospital where my late wife died, and engaged with the memories, often bringing about a whole lot of crying and memory looping including the paralysis. I felt I needed to get to the point to be able to walk the city, walk the hospitals halls, and to be able to do so without triggering memory looping. In one sense, this was super super hard, in another, after a year, I had a lot less memory looping than many of the widowers I know.
A friend put live plants on his late wife's gravesite, so he had to visit daily to water them. I would visit my late wife's gravesite most days the first few months, but it wasn't like near the frequency of my friend Ralph. I think we saw more of each other after our respective wives died, than we had in the past 40 yrs prior. We didn't talk, just a head nod greeting, and we left each other to process.
I couldn't deal with people, so kept to myself mostly. Its not that I didn't need contact, it was that I often felt more like reigning down fire on folks that said hurtful, rather than helpful things. In a chaplaincy seminar, I once said there are 50 wrong things to say to a person grieving their spouse, and most Christians will hit on 48 of them. Granted, I was the only widower, but it resonated with the experience of the other chaplains. What is most helpful is a listening ear... but that can be really hard to come by, as death makes most uncomfortable, and they default to fix mode.
Brain chemistry goes whack for the vast majority of people, you may find yourself doing things out of typical character. This is not unexpected, which is why most grieving literature will tell you not to make any major decisions for at least a year.. if possible that is.
Ultimately, you do what's best for you... this is a darn hard path to navigate but as time passes, you will see elements of life and the color will return to your world.
