Angry and Hurt

[BrileyAnne]

First let me tell you that ...well ....I'm sitting here in tears and really just need to get some stuff out of my head. I'm 3 months pregnant and right now this minute I'm so stressed out all I want to do is cry. Back at the beginning of this year I was put on meds for depression. I'm off them now because of the baby. I don't have to be but I chose to. I had faught my depression for years. I didn't want to turn up like so many of the women in my family so I would fight it back when I started feeling down. But last December I was attacked full on by a neighbor. She destroyed me. Emotionally. She was a friend or atleast I thought she was. I was so wrong. She used me for her own personally pleasure as a beating bag. I like to say that she dug a hole shoved me in covered me up and sat on me. But in a very short time with the help of family and friends I dug my way out. Now I feel like she is pushing me back in again. I don't know what to do. I don't do anything to her. I avoid her. I stay away from her. But the more I do the more she comes at me. With her words and her actions and now her husband. I didn't have comfirmation for myself although I had been told that he was playing the same game she is until this morning. I was driving my kids to school and had to pull over because something was in my right shoe and was hurting my toe. Right when I was pulling back out her husband passed me. A little ways up the road he pulled off let me pass then pull back out in between me and the van behind me. I sped up to get away from him. I didn't know what he was doing. All day I thought ...I'm just being paranoid it was nothing Im just nitpicking. I aways feel this way after she has done something to me. You know that maybe I'm just seeing something that isn't really there. But then my friend talks to her on the phone and she is bragging. Her words were....We got her.....and said her husband was happy and laughing that he scared me this morning. I don't know why but that hurts. It hurts more then it makes me angry. She knows that I have been depressed. She knows that Im pregnant. Why Why would they keep doing this to me. Why am I subject to attacks at the school. Why can't I take walks in my own neighborhood. Why can't I sit out on my own front porch and read. I have never done anything to this person. Does anyone know why someone would be so mean. I went to the school this morning and told the PTO that I will probably not be able to volenteer much anymore because this person is claiming that because Im there that she is being discrimnated against and not being allow to do things at the school. I'm having to rearrange my life to avoid this crazy person so that I can be happy again. I want to know why!!!!! And God forgive me but I blame her, and Im nearing the big H word with her. My patients are growning slim. I don't know how much longer I can turn my cheek. I don't want to be the better person anymore. I have talked about this on the boards before. I thought maybe there is abuse going on in that house and maybe she is just lashing out at others because of it but now after this week I really don't care. I am having to think about me but I feel guilty for that. I know that is part of depression but guilt is guilt ....how do you get rid of it ........is there anyone out there that can give me some sort of advice...maybe someone else was pushed in a hole by someone .......maybe Im just nuts. You know I thought writing this out would make me feel better. maybe it will after I reread it ........thanks for listening.

 

[BrileyAnne]

I hope I didn't post this in the wrong forum if I did let me know and Ill put it where it goes.

 

[Johnnz]

You are not nuts or anything like that.

It is real hard when people treat you like that. Do you have someone you can talk this through with or who could perhaps talk to them?

Try to avoid being obviously upset at whatever they do. That will just encourage them. If they begin to do unsafe or scary things (like the way he drove at you) call the police.

Bless you
John

 

[BrileyAnne]

I have my family and my best friend to talk to. It helps some but I'm just so hurt and angry right now. I guess what hurts the most is when I first moved here and met her I thought she was such a great person. She was a Christian. She was someone I could relate to. And for six months I bought into her. I didn't allow myself to see what was really there. It hurts that people use our Lord to show face. They want to look all good and great but then turn sooooo ugly and mean. I can't trust people anymore. I'm so careful about not getting to close. Thank youfor saying Im not nuts. I have been asking that question all day. Of course everyone has said no your not. And on the not letting them see me upset I'm going to do what I said and avoid her. I will be changing how I drop my kids off at school and how I pick them up. I'm thinking about finding me a walking track cause being pregnant it's important I get my exercise. I can't walk here so I have to find somewhere. I am going to let her win. I have let this go on for almost a year and like I said the more I ignore the more she comes at me. I just have to figure out how to let her know. My prideful self says NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Stomp on her. ........I know I can and I know how. But I don't want to be that person. Is it wrong to just lay down. To just let her win. To give up. I know it will hurt to say to her......here you go ....you win ....Im wrong your right.............would it be wrong to say that ....would it be a lie ..........cause she wont stop if I don't.... I don't know why she has to be right but everyone else that she pulled this stuff with let it go in the beginning and she layed off but I was the one that stood up and said NO your wrong I didn't do those things I didn't say those things You lied......and now I have spent the last year in torment. Im sorry now Im venting again. But I am starting to feel a bit better. Thank you for your kind words. God bless!!!!

 

[madison1101]

It sounds like you could use therapy to help you learn coping skills and setting boundaries. You also might want to reconsider your decision to be off your meds, if they are permissable while you are pregnant.

You can't change this woman, but you can learn to ignore her and not let her ruin your life. Therapy can help you do that.

Be aware that you are much more sensitive at this time, due to the pregnancy and being off your meds. Does that mean you are crazy? NO. It means you are more vulnerable, and need to protect yourself.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Johnnz]

Try changing your perspective a bit. Things don't always work out right in this age. But we are building for eternity. Keep your attitude right and you are building up treasure in heaven. They are doing the opposite. One day they have some explaining to do to God. Who will be the winner then?

John
NZ

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm sorry about your situation, that's some really weird neighbors. I don't know why, but that situation with her husband really creeped me out. When it was only her it seemed just like some sort of anger, but scaring you when you are taking your children to school, that's really messed up. Maybe you should look into moving away from these people. Like Johnnz said, don't hesitate to call the police if they pull something like that again.

 

[UnitynLove]

"Do good to her for in doing so you will heap hot coals upon her head." Believe me heaven knows what is going on and God understands so instead of retaliating in anger retaliate in Love and peace. I believe that this is a stragey by the enemy to take you away from God's love. Don't be fooled now I'm not saying you have to be buddy buddy with this person, but pray for her, and bless her when you can. Understand that hurting people hurt so she might be going through something or experienced something that was very painful so she is taking it out on you. Most of peoples actions towards others are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. So remeber return not evil for evil, but evil with Good. Also, God is your avenger, he is not mocked what this woman sows she will reap.

 

[If Not For Grace]

If you believe in good, should you not also believe in evil?

Some people are just mean..
You do not mention your husband--does he support your view or is he friends w/these people.

Some folks love to watch a rabbit run and that could be the case here. Most folks in your shoes would just act holier than thou and go on.

We all get used. Forgive her and go easy on yourself, you are just human. Every time you see em ask them for something, they will likely go away then...

You know Oh, I'm glad to see you, can you help me____? or Have you got a spare fifty? Can you sew?
Make it not fun for them to harass you...and like the guy says then pray for them..But Steer clear of this as a "friendship".