- Mar 20, 2020
- 357
- 218
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
I'm having anger issues lately.
I'm angry on the inside. I'm angry with myself and my choices. I'm angry that my choices led me to the position I am in today.
I've been having petty arguments at home. Sometimes it's me but sometimes it not. It's the people who know u the best who really do know how to get under your skin.
What's worse is when the other person decides to have the argument in public spaces. I do not take public embarrassment well. I've been raised to stand up for myself. Sometimes I feel mentally and verbally abused by this person. Needless to say I had a cuss fight in public today. Feel absolutely crappy after. I don't want to live this way and worse yet be cursing and fighting.
Living with the intrusions make it alot worse. Not only am I being abused outside but I'm also being abused on the inside as well. I'm under pressure like never before.
Sometimes it feels like I'm stiffling on the inside. I bottle my emotions alot and when I finally do release anger it comes out in the worse way. Over the years it has gotten better and I have God to thank for that. However since the intrusions started it's like everything is being compacted. I really don't want to be a harsh, hard, critical, cursing deviant.
I feel like a hypocrite and the other party makes me feel alot worse. Ohhh so you're going to church, you're such a f*ing hypocrite. I got called a harlot today. I just absolutely tripped. I'm not sexually active and haven't been for some time.
Im angry even writing this. I wanna cuss this person out again recalling the whole thing. I'm also hurting badly too. The intrusions are also reaffirming the things I've been called.
I'm clinging to God with everything I've got but God feels so distant to me right now. I'm searching for Him but I can't find Him. I'm trying to keep my peace but it's crap like this that happens that make me feel like it's really over for me. I know these are just feelings.
Please pray for me.
I really hate OCD. It's enough dealing with people as is.
It's this kinda crap that led me to do the crap that put me in this position....ohhh the irony!
I'm angry on the inside. I'm angry with myself and my choices. I'm angry that my choices led me to the position I am in today.
I've been having petty arguments at home. Sometimes it's me but sometimes it not. It's the people who know u the best who really do know how to get under your skin.
What's worse is when the other person decides to have the argument in public spaces. I do not take public embarrassment well. I've been raised to stand up for myself. Sometimes I feel mentally and verbally abused by this person. Needless to say I had a cuss fight in public today. Feel absolutely crappy after. I don't want to live this way and worse yet be cursing and fighting.
Living with the intrusions make it alot worse. Not only am I being abused outside but I'm also being abused on the inside as well. I'm under pressure like never before.
Sometimes it feels like I'm stiffling on the inside. I bottle my emotions alot and when I finally do release anger it comes out in the worse way. Over the years it has gotten better and I have God to thank for that. However since the intrusions started it's like everything is being compacted. I really don't want to be a harsh, hard, critical, cursing deviant.
I feel like a hypocrite and the other party makes me feel alot worse. Ohhh so you're going to church, you're such a f*ing hypocrite. I got called a harlot today. I just absolutely tripped. I'm not sexually active and haven't been for some time.
Im angry even writing this. I wanna cuss this person out again recalling the whole thing. I'm also hurting badly too. The intrusions are also reaffirming the things I've been called.
I'm clinging to God with everything I've got but God feels so distant to me right now. I'm searching for Him but I can't find Him. I'm trying to keep my peace but it's crap like this that happens that make me feel like it's really over for me. I know these are just feelings.
Please pray for me.
I really hate OCD. It's enough dealing with people as is.
It's this kinda crap that led me to do the crap that put me in this position....ohhh the irony!