I used to know a person from my old church who committed suicide, and the majority of the church quietly believed that he went to hell. When I asked them privately would suicide send him or anyone else to hell, some said “it was too late to ask for forgiveness” and “he rejected the gift of life therefore he cannot be forgiven”. In addition, some even questioned his salvation and said that he wasn’t saved. When I heard these comments from people within the church, it sent me out of mind with anger.
I have also read threads on this forum and other Christian forums on the common view of suicide. And I’m pretty astounded by the uncaring/condemning attitude by many so called Christians. They seem to completely ignore the fact that suicide is often the result of severe mental illness, and trauma related stress. Instead, they instantly blame the person who committed or is struggling with suicide for not having enough faith. These types of Christians make me sooo angry. I’ve lost a close a family member and friend to suicide who were both believers in Christ, and it really hurts to find out that most Christians believe suicides go to hell, and worse that they weren’t believers at all!!
My anger towards these types of people is really getting to me, and until I get this sorted out I refuse to have fellowship with other Christians. They seem so narrow minded.
Sorry, but I needed to let off steam.
I used to be Christian before I became Buddhist, and was bothered in the same way, and honestly, I think you have every right to be angry. Let me explain:
1st, either people have salvation or they don't. Either Jesus forgiives sins, or he doesn't. If he believed, even if he made a grave mistake of killing himself, he is still forgiven. (Is it really that much different from a man killing someone else, and asking for forgiveness, and killing yourself? If God can forgive a murderer, he can forgive someone who self destructs.
2nd, the only sin that is unforgiveable is blashpemy of the HS, according to the bible. This does not equal suicide, but rejection of God altogether.
3rd, people will say that it is a very selfish act.
That attitude itself is selfish! I understand how others feel loss, and may think that the person killing themself isn't thinking of family and friends. Anyone's death hurts. And they probably aren't thinking of other people; they probably feel so bad about themselves, feel like a failure, that they begin to believe that people would be better off without them. That said, should people really be condemning the person who was so depressed and desparate, that they choose to take their own life? If your church would stop thinking about themselves for a minute, they might actually have some empathy and compassion for what the person was going through. They might realize that they could have reached out, and chose not to.
4th, I have worked with people with depression, and have mild depression myself. When people say, "I'm depressed," they mean, "I'm sad." Depression is a very real condition with unbalanced chemicals in the brain. I'm amazed at people that say, "Yeah, I get depressed, but then I just keep going." It shows a total lack of empathy, understanding of mental illness, and the inability to go outside of yourself to feel for another. People that depressed sometimes can't get out of bed because the seratonin is so off. I was able to get out of bed, but often felt like I was carry groceries around. I felt heavy, but felt like that for months at a time. Every do an all nighter? You know how you feel crazy? That's chemical imbalance.
You know how people become outgoing, silly and laughing when they drink alcohol? It's not because they "choose to". They create a chemical imbalance.
5th, while studying pychology, I worked at a crisis line. Total strangers would call with problems, and suicide was pretty common. But consider how sad it is that the only person they have to turn to is a total stranger. And usually, all they want is to talk, and for someone to tell them not to. I have even had people call with a gun to their head, and would usually say that at least some part of them doesn't want to do it, or they wouldn't have called. But I never condemn that - "Well, that's a stupid and selfish thing to do!" - because that would give them the reason to pull the trigger. I try and give them hope and encouragement.
Unfortunately, sometimes people aren't given that. A 15 yr old boy was thinking of killing himself, because he told his priest that he thought he was gay. The priest told the boy that it would be better that he were dead than gay. (I doubt that's in the bible.)
Perhaps the priest thought that would steer the boy into being heterosexual (which is rather naive as it is callous), but it instead was an invitation to kill himself.
What part of Christ's message comes through there???? Compassion? Mercy? Hope? Kindness? Gentleness? Forgiveness?
It's condemnation, desparation, callousness. It was a blasphemy, and may God have mercy on his soul for saying that to such a young boy.
Lastly, having dealt with mild depression that would occassionally flair up and make me feel stuck and hopeless, I have fought suicide myself. I believed that everyone hated me and would be better off without me. It's understandable why anyone would think this; most people hold back words of kindness, but are quick to insult you. And I believe that I was blessed with the rememberance of Dorothy when she sees the Wizard. The Wizard barks at the Cowardly Lion, "Welllllll??????" and he faints, to which she responds, "Shame on you! Scaring him like that when he came to you for help!"
Why would God, who is love, take someone who is so burdened and troubled and confused and hopeless, and then send them to hell, where it would be far worse?
I think that so many people see God as the false Wizard of Oz, a big scary head making you risk your life to bring back the broom from the Wicked Witch, demanding your praise, and avoiding his wrath, and I think that it a blasphemy.
You may feel anger and not want to fellowship with your church because they claim to follow the bible, but their actions loudly say differently. You know that you are commanded to love your brother, not condemn him. You are to be humble, not play God on the Judgement throne. You are to have compassion and hope.
You are upset because you see people who claim to follow God who are actually following themselves.
I'm really sorry for your loss.
