Anger - How do you control it so that it doesn't control you?

[Lemmiwinks]

I would like to hear any techniques that have worked for you all.

 

[Johnnz]

Begin with identifying what you are angry about- hurt, injustice, neglect, failure or?

John
NZ

 

[Angeldove97]

If I'm angry with someone, I usually will walk away and go do something else for awhile. When I'm calmed down and I've thought things through (which means I closely analyze what that person said and what I said/think), I will then go talk to the person about it--- usually it means I have to apologize for reacting in a way that would have been better with a "Sorry, but I don't agree" than me getting angry.

I also try to figure out if its something I can change and if so, I'll go through the motions of making the changes. If its not something I can change (for example: the opinion that someone has), then I let it go. Some things you just can't get emotional over.

 

[JESUS<3sYOU]

I forgot who it was, but some great father said that there's only one way to do metanoia, to turn around and turn to God, and that's in prayer. Is it a technique? Better than a technique, it requires that you engage yourself as a whole. Maybe you would want a prayer rope. There are prayer ropes to put around your wrist that you can always have on and never take off. If you're relapsing into sinful, destructive or wasteful behaviour, you can take a pause from it, turn to God, and pray a whole round of the Jesus prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, sinner.

If there are people around, you can still pray. You don't have to count the times you say the prayer or pray in a loud voice. But it's an activity, it's something you do. E.g. you can move your lips a little, so little that noone notices, without making a sound.

All praise to God!

Niko.

 

[Hotpepper]

"Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."(Philippians 4:5-9)

To me this meant cutting out violent TV programs and movies but instead, I read edifying books now. I never was much of a reader but all it takes is to"dwell on these things" how ever you personally see fit, and add more prayer and supplication into your daily walk in Christ.

Hope that helps

 

[obamazmama]

Thats something i struggle with too. When I get angry, I often steal things from the one who hurt me and call it "justified revenge." I feel guilty after i do that but once I feel guilty enough I return what I stole.

I wish I wouldn't be so angry all the time. I'm a very good looking young teenager guy but with a fiery temper!!!

Lol!

Well another technique I use is the hot shower. You go into a shower long enugh that you feel sooo revitalized after it, then your anger diminishes.

Thank God for hot showers!

 

[obamazmama]

angeldove is right...

well its not that easy all the time. sometimes at school I can't just walk away because people will think I'm weak for walking away. And even if I do walk away, I still hold a big unsettled hatred for the person who wronged me.

i wish i could send them to hell for a few days then bring them back and ask," have you learned your lesson yet?"

lol but only the LORD has authority to do that.

it would be cool tho if i could do that

P.S. I know forgiving your enemy is the best choice, but I need more work on that.

 

[dinonum]

Mostly I just try to think. I used to just react to everything, and now I try to consider all the options and the perspective of the person I'm angry at. It's very easy to get mad over things like misunderstanding or anothers persons (or our own) ignorance. I also have taken to some short breathing exercises that help slow my adrenaline and calms me down so that I'm not just jumping down people's throats.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I listen to ACDC. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. It helps me to focus on the task ahead.

 

[obamazmama]

I listen to ACDC. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. It helps me to focus on the task ahead.

Now that you've mentioned it, YES! Music Does help greatly for me!

I listen to dirty rap songs about murder and toughness and it calms me down. but it aint very godly foo

 

[Hotpepper]

It is honestly a cause and effect problem. There are hundreds of ways to 'try' to control the effect, which is the "anger problem". However if the cause is taken care of, the effect will obviously disappear. In a sinking boat you can try to continue bailing out the water but it is futile until the hole is fixed. The cause will always lead back to the heart. There is only one way to renew your heart and it is something that needs to be done every single day. (Philippians 4:5-9)

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16)

 

[obamazmama]

It is honestly a cause and effect problem. There are hundreds of ways to 'try' to control the effect, which is the "anger problem". However if the cause is taken care of, the effect will obviously disappear. In a sinking boat you can try to continue bailing out the water but it is futile until the hole is fixed. The cause will always lead back to the heart. There is only one way to renew your heart and it is something that needs to be done every single day. (Philippians 4:5-9)

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Yes! Good analogy brotha!

 

[Peripatetic]

Anger is usually tied to our perspectives about life. The more tied we are to the world's value system (pride, greed, doubt. etc.), the more anger we feel towards our circumstances, each other, and ourselves. If we focus on the Kingdom Values (humility, generosity, trust, etc.), our anger flares up less often. Driving is a great example. I used to get so angry... not quite road rage, but very close. I don't even want to know how high my blood pressure used to get!

Then something changed in my whole outlook on life, and I don't get angry anymore. This was certainly tested a few months ago, when my beloved less-than-a-year-old car was rear-ended (and nearly totaled) while I sat at a red light. The lady just wasn't paying attention, and my car was in the shop for five weeks, but I still didn't get angry. I thanked God that everyone was OK, and that insurance took care of it.

More than ever before, I'm finding that anger is a choice... at least in part.

 

[DoctorJosh]

I would like to hear any techniques that have worked for you all.

Learn to have Patience again. God is a Patient God, He waits and waits, it takes a lot to make God angry. We can learn from this. Before jumping to a conclusion and getting mad about something, we should look at all the facts, hear both sides, hear the complaints, subside our frustration as much as possible.

We all get angry, even from the stress of the day anything can touch us off. That is why we must Pray frequently, thus our conversations with God help us relax and find peace again. Lord Jesus Give me Strength, Calm my waves, Heal my Mind, Bring me Peace. Amen.

There are things that can set me off in an instant. Watching the news is about as upsetting as anything. A child get abducted, raped and or killed. Anger to the first degree. I want fire to come down upon the Earth and see God's wrath. God calms me. I find patience once again. I Pray for the lost, I Pray for those searching to have wisdom to help find the child faster. God is my Strength.

I know now for a fact, without Jesus in my life that I would be a wreck. Praise the Lord Jesus for giving me Strength, Patience and Understanding. Even with the US Government I find myself to the breaking point. Health care insurance that we must all pay for, but yet the Government doesn't go after the food companies for putting deadly chemicals in our food and water. Frustration to the highest degree. God gives me wisdom, not to eat the food and not to drink the contaminated water. Eat organic, drink well water or buy a filter that takes the bad stuff out of the water so it is healthy. There are solutions, but we have to find them with patience and wisdom.

A relative gets into drugs again, get his jaw broken, he is 25 now and still has nothing to live for except drugs, beer and women. He refuses to listen to the word or to my advice. I try to help, but it is all in vain. We cannot force a mule to drink from the well. God gives me Patience, I Pray and I just let the poor guy go through life until he finds God himself when he hits bottom. God is my Strength.

So I accept the things I cannot control myself and change the things I can within myself. The rest I wait patiently for till it comes to my door and I have to deal with it face to face. At that time, I Pray God will give me strength and wisdom to do the best I can do, for me and for my family. Christians must survive in these trying times when evil tries to push Christians off this planet. We find our Strength in Jesus. With God we will be victorious in these trying times.

God Bless. When we are angry. let us Pray.

 

[ExaltedReign]

I play video games, Halo, Call of Duty, etc. It helps.

I listen to Bleed it out by Linkin Park. Swing Life Away by Rise Against is also a good one.

Kind off topic- An atheist friend of mine asked me how anger can be a deadly sin if its a natural human reaction, I said its not anger thats the sin, but acting on it is. Was I right?

 

[Peripatetic]

The link between anger and sin is not black and white. Righteous anger is not a sin, and Jesus Himself was angry on a number of occasions, and sometimes acted on it (such as turning over the tables when people were selling in the temple). It is also righteous anger that would cause us to act if we saw someone abusing a child.

On the flip side, there are times when anger can be a sin even if we don't act on it... or it can also be a symptom of something else. For example, if we live a life of pride and greed, we will become angry at otherwise normal scenarios.

So to your atheist friend, I would say that sometimes it is a natural reaction (and even an important one), but other times it is an unnatural consequence of a misguided set of values.

 

[ezeric]

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28

If you are a Christian - then you can choose between walking in the Spirit or your old flesh.

Here is the passage, JESUS gives us - we choose.

Once you begin to simply 'make yourself' pray, a prayer of blessing on the person that hates you, or attacks you - GOD then takes over and gives you the words and heart to pray it (you can only basically choose it, HE empowers the rest).

Your peace will return, Joy will come and GOD will begin to work to remedy the situation.

Try it, and if its real hard to do, simply tell GOD its hard and to help you bless them as
you pray.

When a man's ways please the LORD, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Proverbs 16:7

-eric

 

[Macx]

I drink a quart of grapefruit juice, unsweetened, white . . . theraputic value, for sure.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Great thread. We need an anger sub-forum. Anger is the second(To pride) greatest sin, and maybe most destructive. Wars, violent crime, it is all anger.

 

[Albion]

The answer may depend upon whether we're talking about instantly flaring up when angered...or, on the other hand, resentment that smolders over a longer period of time.

If it's the former, the old "count to ten" idea does actually work. Not that you have to actually count, but if you discipline yourself to pause in your reaction to some provocation for about as long as it takes to count to ten, you'll almost always have your better judgment kick in and realize that some impulsive response will cause you regret later on. By the way, this suggestion doesn't mean always "turning the other cheek," but it will keep you from the most intemperate outbursts.