Anger - How do you control it so that it doesn't control you?

[Inkachu]

One of the most valuable things I ever learned was that anger is a secondary emotion. That means it's a result of another emotion that comes first, and anger comes along as a coping mechanism to deal with that first emotion, which is usually too awkward or uncomfortable to face head-on. Anger is almost always a result of fear or pain when you break it down and get brutally honest. We lash out when we're scared and when we're hurt, as a defense mechanism.

Learn to identify what you're really feeling underneath the anger. Do you feel scared? Betrayed? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Identify the real situation and then deal with it in a healthier way (talk about it, pray about it, refocus your energy).

 

[Willie T]

Before I learned to understand who I am (see my signature), I used to beg off with the old excuse so many of us use... "Well, I'm just one of those guys who has a temper."

Guess what? So do all babies in diapers. Before I knew who I am, it did help a lot to remind myself that claiming to have the same attributes as a squalling brat, wasn't really very sensible or responsible of me.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I would like to hear any techniques that have worked for you all.

Anger is as natural an emotion as laughing is. But its when it gets out of control that there is cause for concern. So, im assuming it is this that you would like victory over.

Heres some things which ive benefitted from :

a. I pray regularly that God will work in me the Fruit of the Spirit as found in Galatians 5:21 . I dwell on these behaviors and emotions.

b. When I KNOW that im going to be entering into a situation that has the potential for me getting upset (angry) , then ill mentally prepare myself by paying particular attention to myself and pray for discipline . Ill go in to the situation very reserved and non combative , and ask God to give me a demeanor of meekness. Im almost aways successful when I take this approach.

c. Ill choose to limit my stay in a scenario that is potentially explosive . And when I sense it coming on either by myself or from others....ill take the initiative to exit at least temporarily .

d. Ill try to ask myself : ' Is THIS (situation) something im willing to die on the hill for ? ' Or, is it small potatoes in actuality when considering life overall ? Most times, I find it isn't worth dying on the hill for , so, ill pull back from getting too involved in the conversation or confrontation.

e. Ill choose to remain quiet for a change...instead of voicing my opinion on something which would most likely enrage Another .

f. I will try hard not to get into a revenge mode because of being offended by Another . Ill ask God to deal with them in his justice.

g. I find that if I regularly excersise at the Fitness Center to relieve stress , it has a positive effect on my overall emotional wellbeing. Endorphins are necessary to get released into our brains so we can be more level-headed , sober in mind, and more Christ like .

h. Ill be sure and get enough sleep as lack of sleep can set me off, quicker, into anger at many things or people. When im very tired, it plays havoc with my emotions sometimes plus my body temperature is higher than normal adding to the uncomfortable feeling of sleep deprivation . I try to postpone delicate conversations when im tired otherwise what I say may not come out right .


All that said....remember, there IS a time to be Angry if we look at the life of Christ . He was not always meek . They key is make it righteous anger instead of the real ugly kind.

Dave.

 

[Inkachu]

Before I learned to understand who I am (see my signature), I used to beg off with the old excuse so many of us use... "Well, I'm just one of those guys who has a temper."

Guess what? So do all babies in diapers. Before I knew who I am, it did help a lot to remind myself that claiming to have the same attributes as a squalling brat, wasn't really very sensible or responsible of me.

I love this, lol. Great points! Coming from a family of angry, violent men, I swore I would never put up with bad tempers in my own home, and I never have. I don't demand much, but I do demand that my husband and son interact like men and not rabid animals.

 

[South Bound]

I would like to hear any techniques that have worked for you all.

First, repent.

Second, ask yourself why you're angry. Is it righteous anger or prideful anger?

Third, meditate on the Word of God.

 

[Hospes]

Anger follows a pattern:

1) I see it
2) It's wrong.
3) I don't like it.
4) I want to destroy it.​

Both Godly and sinful anger follows this pattern. Two examples, one Godly and one sinful:

1) Jesus sees the temple court being used for a market.
2) Jesus knows it is wrong for the temple court to be used this way.
3) Jesus dislikes that it is happening
4) Jesus turns of merchants tables, chases the merchants out of the temple court, and declares his reasons for his anger and actions.

1) I see a guy park in handicap parking space and then easily run into the store.
2) I think he is wrong for taking a space reserved for a handicap customer.
3) I dislike his behavior.
4) I leave a note on the car stating he is a self-centered jerk.​

Note sin can be born at any of the four steps:

1) I could have mistaken the intent of the guy taking the parking space, e.g. he actually used the space because he got a text saying his child was seriously injured at the store.
2) Under some circumstances there would be nothing wrong with taking a handicap space even when the person isn't handicapped.
3) My dislike is purely unjustified and based on a mistaken understanding.
4) In writing the nasty note, I cause more pain for a guy that already is in pain.​

Finally, the lack of anger may also demonstrate sin. If you see something God thinks is wrong but you like it or don't care, it is sin. If you see something God thinks is wrong, dislike it, but are uninterested if it stops, it is sin.

 

[dcalling]

Before I learned to understand who I am (see my signature), I used to beg off with the old excuse so many of us use... "Well, I'm just one of those guys who has a temper."

Guess what? So do all babies in diapers. Before I knew who I am, it did help a lot to remind myself that claiming to have the same attributes as a squalling brat, wasn't really very sensible or responsible of me.

Wow, that is great! I used to get angry and not control it, later on I told myself to slow to anger (as God has told us), it is hard. I will try Willie's way.

 

[Sketcher]

Knowing that it's less likely to get me what I want helps.

 

[sunshine456]

Discernment of the triggers. Praying GOD through his son JESUS for discernment to understand the truth of the CORE that is the heart of the issue.

Sometimes the enemy is embedded, camped or roaring around us like a lion and we do not even know it. Sometimes it is encamped by association with others like unbelievers, when we are specifically warned to detached in a wise manner from them.

Anger can be volatile in a manner that is not of righteousness. It can become a seed that is perpetually undermining and leads to false representation as a "follower", and as a believer. We need to first find the root of it's nature which is the flesh and possible influence, and then ask for GOD's help through the truth; which is his son JESUS CHRIST for assistance to combat or remove the root that festers.

Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[Purge187]

God's word can be used as a tool to chip away at the concrete that we allow to be built up around our hearts. Jot down Bible passages about anger and study them first thing in the morning. It helped me.

 

[Max Shade]

One of the most valuable things I ever learned was that anger is a secondary emotion. That means it's a result of another emotion that comes first, and anger comes along as a coping mechanism to deal with that first emotion, which is usually too awkward or uncomfortable to face head-on. Anger is almost always a result of fear or pain when you break it down and get brutally honest. We lash out when we're scared and when we're hurt, as a defense mechanism.

Learn to identify what you're really feeling underneath the anger. Do you feel scared? Betrayed? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Identify the real situation and then deal with it in a healthier way (talk about it, pray about it, refocus your energy).

This Above + I acknowledge what the consequences would be if I lost control. There are people I care about who I couldn't take care of if I got killed or imprisoned. Those people are always more important than anything I could get mad about. So in terms of calming myself, first I think of the consequences of "loosing it" and I weigh the positives of that (which are sparse) against the pay off for maintaining my composure (which is a pretty awesome life if I say so myself) and that usually gets me to the point I can talk myself through identifying the primary emotion (see above by Inkachu ) and then I deal rationally.

 

[trulyconverted]

I would like to hear any techniques that have worked for you all.

Being able to respectfully communicate to others freely what I think and feel helps. I only feel angry if I suppressed myself and didnt say anything while in the situation. I usually resolve my feelings after going back to the person and talking about it again, which would be unnecessary if I expressed myself in the first instance.

If I can't help it and some injustice was done, I do feel upset then I just think that they are not worth my energy (anger) and time (thinking about them). And I endeavour to forget about the person and what happened.

What works the most is I would remind myself to 'love your neighbour as you love yourself' as a reality. When I think about someone who wronged me, I would visualize that person to be the 'other' me, so how would I react if it was me who was at fault. Then I become more forgiving, forgive your neighbour as you forgive yourself.

These work for me.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Great thread ... Some people are raised by parents who set poor examples. Anger is a sin, as someone said secondary, often to pride. Frustration exceeds persons will or capacity. I am trying to be aware of triggers, realizing as a Christian I will have challenging times, but Gods provision will exceed any trial. We have to build ourselves up recognizing we are wonderfully made and agents of Gods work. Recognizing what we do right, reduces frustration, and puts are attention on the positive.

 

[Willie T]

I wish I could just snap my fingers, and teach people with anger problems the concept of REBT, and how to use it to reduce the intensity of emotional reactions in their lives.

But I can't.

However, anyone of you can <GOOGLE> "REBT", and begin to see the usefulness of it.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

I would like to hear any techniques that have worked for you all.

this is what brought my breakthrough:

Anger Management - Audio Teaching - Andrew Wommack Ministries

 

[SharonL]

I try to tell myself that it is not the anger that is a sin, but what you do with it that makes it a sin. I wait until I cool off and then do what the Bible tells us to do - heap coals upon their head. Do something good for them, gritting my teeth the whole time.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Lemmiwinks. In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told to " ask and ye shall receive." Whatever we cannot do on our own, we are asking God`s help, or Jesus
our Saviour: " ask and ye shall receive," then thank God and do what we are supposed to do. God, or Jesus will help us to do what is needed. We can do everything with God`s Help, if not straightaway, but soon we will be able to. God will not force us, but we can do everything with God`s Help and Guidance.
" Ask and ye shall receive." Matthew 7: 7-10: We have to be willing, God does Not force us, we ask, then thank God, and do what we have asked for.
Jesus also, will help and guide us: JESUS IS THE WAY. I say this with thanks.
Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Make Anger your Alley by Neal Clark Warren, yeah that guy, is excellent. **** It is encouraging, insightful, & encouraging.

Make Anger Your Ally (Living Books): Neil Clark Warren: 9781561797073: Amazon.com: Books

Pray and practice <><

 

[parsley]

There are times when we are angry because we should have taken authority earlier, or corrected a situation/ stood up for what was right long before the trigger. Then when someone doesn't do what they should, we get angry... but we already let it go on too long.

So the anger can be, "Why do I have to be the bad guy when it's the other people not fulfilling their commitments?"

And sometimes fear of retaliation and spite once you do say something.

 

[boogalaboogala]

Begin with identifying what you are angry about- hurt, injustice, neglect, failure or?

John
NZ

i just want to point out to you that not all anger is sinful.. there clearly is a kind of anger that is justifiable..
the bible says that God is angry..
so trying to completely supress all feelings of anger could actually be a bad thing..
we have this emotion for a reason..
God created us with it..
rather than looking to control your anger. you may want to try and find out why you are angry, and then redirect all of that misguided energy..
there is most likely something that has, or is going on, that is the root cause of your anger..
i mean, it could be as simple as living a life that is so detached from your feelings. that when you are confronted with any issue or situation, you are not able to process your feelings to equal measure that is required for that particular moment.
and the reason that you are so detached, is from none other than becoming desensitized by your surroundings..
example: you watch enough violence and over time will become immune to the emotions, such as sensitivity, and compassion..
there is an old but truthful saying that goes something like this.. "garbage in, garbage out".. basically that is saying that whatever we feed our minds, is what we are going to put out..
now, as christians, we should be chomping down on the word of God.. meditating on these precepts...
the thing is, life is so busy in todays age, that we don't always do this..
but, it is the staple that will actually have effectiveness in changing our hearts..
what you need to be doing, and not just you. but, all of us.. is prioritizing our life.. and taking stock of what we are allowing in for our minds to process, and what to keep out..
its not easy with the likes of the entertainment that hollywood is pushing out the door.. all of that along with peer pressure and you have a time bomb just waiting to explode.. all that is needed is a short fuse added to the mix and "BOOM"...
there is also the fact that there a powers and princcipalitities. authorities in high places, that we cannot even see, and they are continuously attacking the christian soldier.. they are very real, and extremely proactive in causing hardship and failure to God's elect.. so, be on guard against your enemy the devil.. that is actually written in God's word as a warning to us..
well, i hope this bit of info helps you.. a couple of last things to remember.. the first is: everyone is going through something, right now.. and i mean everyone.. so you are in no way unique to these sorts of struggles.. and another thing i want you to always remember is: you are God's elect.. a christian soldier.. a saint.. and you are loved.. loved by God, your Creator.. loved by all of the heavenly host.. infact the bible speaks on how all ofthe Heavenly host rejoice when one sinner repents and turns away from sin.. this is you here.. and me.. and know that you are loved by all of the saints. this including me..
so take courage, and put on the full armour of God(eph:6).. so that you can withstand the firey darts of you adversary, the devil..
pray to God, Who wants you to have victory..