Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9)
Anger is a luxury that some people can have, but not so with me. Anger is an emotion that is found in most all of us. It is not necessarily a bad emotion if it is kept under control and not allowed to become violence or rage. And I suppose that there is even a time when violence, such as self-defense is the proper thing to do. The apostle Paul wrote in the letter to the Ephesians, Be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down on your wrath. (Ephesians 4:26). So some anger must be justified, my problem is I dont know when anger should be justified and when not. My own personal experience with anger is that it has always led me to problems. My recovery birthday is September 12, 1998. This date is very important to me, but just as important is the date of my last relapse, April 20, 1997. That is a day I do not want to forget, or forget why I relapsed. My journey this time in recovery started more than ten years ago in August of 1996. I had just turned fifty years old, was divorced and did not have much of anything going for me in any positive way. I was shooting Methamphetamine and staying up and awake for three to five days, then when I started coming down I would drink around a quart of whiskey for several days to level off. Then the whole thing would start over, up and down, around and around. I became so low emotionally and spiritually that death was starting to look up to me. I needed change if I wanted to survive. The first thing I did was check into the psych ward at the VA, and of course they recommended alcohol and drug treatment. For the sixth time in my life I committed myself to rehab. I once again started reading the Bible daily, going to church and was attending AA and NA meetings. Life was getting better each and every day. I was learning how to live life one day at a time putting God first. The longest I had ever been able to stay clean and sober in the past was a little over six months. This time I had passed the nine-month mark. Life was good, I was getting more involved with my church playing music, and was able to buy better equipment. I decided that I didnt need as many AA and NA meetings because of my involvement with church. The church I was attending had arranged for a music evangelist to visit on Sunday April 21, 1997. I sat in the meeting that approved this visit. I kept some of my musical equipment at the church most of the time. I had a bass guitar and bass amp, electric guitar and amp, and an acoustic guitar at the church. The Saturday evening before the evangelist was to be there, I dropped by the church. To my surprise this mans young boys had my musical equipment strung all over the platform. I went in and asked what was going on, and was told that as visitors at the church they could use any equipment they wanted. I said that was cool, but I was taking my stuff home. The father told me that if any of my equipment was damaged they would pay for it. With a festering attitude, I loaded up my stuff and went home. When I got home I checked everything out, and found my bass amp had been blown. I called the motel where this man and his boys were staying and told him of the damage. He denied it and refused to pay. I was angry. I thought I am not being treated right; after all I have done to stay clean and sober. I drove straight to the liquor store and bought a fifth. Next I went to my dealers house and scored a gram of methamphetamine. My intentions were to just do this once and get back to sobriety. Little did I know how powerful that first drink could be? It took me seventeen months of pure living hell to surrender once again and turn my will and life over to God. I learned a great lesson about anger in my life. I learned that I must turn it over quickly. And how do I turn it over? The only way I know, I have to forgive. Even when I have a right to be angry, I must forgive. There is only one letter difference between anger and danger. For me anger is danger. Once again on September 12, 1998, God did for me what I could not do for myself. Thanks for letting me share this I needed to hear it again to stay grateful each day .JRE
Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. (Ephesians 4:25-27 NAS)
Anger is a luxury that some people can have, but not so with me. Anger is an emotion that is found in most all of us. It is not necessarily a bad emotion if it is kept under control and not allowed to become violence or rage. And I suppose that there is even a time when violence, such as self-defense is the proper thing to do. The apostle Paul wrote in the letter to the Ephesians, Be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down on your wrath. (Ephesians 4:26). So some anger must be justified, my problem is I dont know when anger should be justified and when not. My own personal experience with anger is that it has always led me to problems. My recovery birthday is September 12, 1998. This date is very important to me, but just as important is the date of my last relapse, April 20, 1997. That is a day I do not want to forget, or forget why I relapsed. My journey this time in recovery started more than ten years ago in August of 1996. I had just turned fifty years old, was divorced and did not have much of anything going for me in any positive way. I was shooting Methamphetamine and staying up and awake for three to five days, then when I started coming down I would drink around a quart of whiskey for several days to level off. Then the whole thing would start over, up and down, around and around. I became so low emotionally and spiritually that death was starting to look up to me. I needed change if I wanted to survive. The first thing I did was check into the psych ward at the VA, and of course they recommended alcohol and drug treatment. For the sixth time in my life I committed myself to rehab. I once again started reading the Bible daily, going to church and was attending AA and NA meetings. Life was getting better each and every day. I was learning how to live life one day at a time putting God first. The longest I had ever been able to stay clean and sober in the past was a little over six months. This time I had passed the nine-month mark. Life was good, I was getting more involved with my church playing music, and was able to buy better equipment. I decided that I didnt need as many AA and NA meetings because of my involvement with church. The church I was attending had arranged for a music evangelist to visit on Sunday April 21, 1997. I sat in the meeting that approved this visit. I kept some of my musical equipment at the church most of the time. I had a bass guitar and bass amp, electric guitar and amp, and an acoustic guitar at the church. The Saturday evening before the evangelist was to be there, I dropped by the church. To my surprise this mans young boys had my musical equipment strung all over the platform. I went in and asked what was going on, and was told that as visitors at the church they could use any equipment they wanted. I said that was cool, but I was taking my stuff home. The father told me that if any of my equipment was damaged they would pay for it. With a festering attitude, I loaded up my stuff and went home. When I got home I checked everything out, and found my bass amp had been blown. I called the motel where this man and his boys were staying and told him of the damage. He denied it and refused to pay. I was angry. I thought I am not being treated right; after all I have done to stay clean and sober. I drove straight to the liquor store and bought a fifth. Next I went to my dealers house and scored a gram of methamphetamine. My intentions were to just do this once and get back to sobriety. Little did I know how powerful that first drink could be? It took me seventeen months of pure living hell to surrender once again and turn my will and life over to God. I learned a great lesson about anger in my life. I learned that I must turn it over quickly. And how do I turn it over? The only way I know, I have to forgive. Even when I have a right to be angry, I must forgive. There is only one letter difference between anger and danger. For me anger is danger. Once again on September 12, 1998, God did for me what I could not do for myself. Thanks for letting me share this I needed to hear it again to stay grateful each day .JRE
Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. (Ephesians 4:25-27 NAS)
