Writing is better than me talking just to hear my own voice.
I will give this testimony of my illness. I come from a well off family. My Dad and Grandpa are both upper middle class.
I was always mentally out there. Thinking too much. I didn't know about mental health. I went through college to be a businessman. I didn't fit into that. I learned lots and business wasn't for me. I didn't know myself that well.
I got a job at a wholesaler as a shipper. I worked full time and it was hard stressful work. I worked ten hours a day and slept the rest of the time. My thoughts just seemed to get away from me. I lost orders. Sent customers the wrong colored switches. The job was wearing on me.
One day my folks showed up at my job when I was busy working. Dad went to my boss and told him Chris is taking his lunch now. I was very behind and I wasn't going to be able to take a lunch this day.
Dad told me I had to go for lunch with them. I was not able to say no. I got into the car. Mom turned around to put on my seat belt like you do for a child. I got back to work and I was as behind as ever. My confidence was shot.
Time went by like this. I got paranoid I thought I would get fired. The job itself was getting done and I was learning. One day I was alone in the back of the warehouse and the demons got the better of me. I experienced the weirdest thing. I was physical exhausted and my spirit fell from my body to the floor. This was the scariest thing I ever felt.
I quit that day.
I call my Aunt for refuge. I probably could have got UI. I didn't know. I put all I owned in my car and drove. I arrived at my Aunts in Vancouver. I didn't feel right there I needed solitude. I drove to Vancouver Island and camped there at parks. I felt better but I could not camp forever. I got a room and sold my car to pay the rent. I didn't want UI or welfare I wanted to work.
It wasn't to be. I got no calls from my resumes. My credit cards got maxed out. I was in real trouble. I was angery at my family, my situation and god. I wasn't eating. I went to coffee shops and road the buses. I got paranoid about the government. I got worked up about theories that had no truth. I didn't know I was actually very ill.
I sat in the mall in a town that I knew no one. I sat listening to an orcestra and an angel came to me in the form of an old lady. The old women talked none stop. See got talking about a King of England that went insane. I had no knowledge of mental health. The old women left without knowing I was sick.
My head physically hurt. I called everyone I could. My aunt had heard of this and said to talk to a doctor. I went to the hospital the first time and they sent me away. They thought I was on drugs. I went home and back to a different hospital. I was disoriented and I couldn't find the entrance. I returned home to sleep. I woke exhausted and I found the Emergency room entrance. I had not eaten and my head hurt in a vise. I could hear peoples thoughts and it scared me.
The doctors committed me to the Eric Martin mental hospital. I was put in lock down isolation for days or a week I couldn't remember. I made peace with God and he provided me meals and a room at the hospital. I went on the pills for my thoughts. God looked after me.
I still take the pills and talk to the Doctors. I get Disability cheques. I learned of supports. These are not always money or work. Friendships, freedoms and communication can be invaluable. There is no one factor to blame on my illness. I will not go off my pills and a job alone won't heal me.
I will give this testimony of my illness. I come from a well off family. My Dad and Grandpa are both upper middle class.
I was always mentally out there. Thinking too much. I didn't know about mental health. I went through college to be a businessman. I didn't fit into that. I learned lots and business wasn't for me. I didn't know myself that well.
I got a job at a wholesaler as a shipper. I worked full time and it was hard stressful work. I worked ten hours a day and slept the rest of the time. My thoughts just seemed to get away from me. I lost orders. Sent customers the wrong colored switches. The job was wearing on me.
One day my folks showed up at my job when I was busy working. Dad went to my boss and told him Chris is taking his lunch now. I was very behind and I wasn't going to be able to take a lunch this day.
Dad told me I had to go for lunch with them. I was not able to say no. I got into the car. Mom turned around to put on my seat belt like you do for a child. I got back to work and I was as behind as ever. My confidence was shot.
Time went by like this. I got paranoid I thought I would get fired. The job itself was getting done and I was learning. One day I was alone in the back of the warehouse and the demons got the better of me. I experienced the weirdest thing. I was physical exhausted and my spirit fell from my body to the floor. This was the scariest thing I ever felt.
I quit that day.
I call my Aunt for refuge. I probably could have got UI. I didn't know. I put all I owned in my car and drove. I arrived at my Aunts in Vancouver. I didn't feel right there I needed solitude. I drove to Vancouver Island and camped there at parks. I felt better but I could not camp forever. I got a room and sold my car to pay the rent. I didn't want UI or welfare I wanted to work.
It wasn't to be. I got no calls from my resumes. My credit cards got maxed out. I was in real trouble. I was angery at my family, my situation and god. I wasn't eating. I went to coffee shops and road the buses. I got paranoid about the government. I got worked up about theories that had no truth. I didn't know I was actually very ill.
I sat in the mall in a town that I knew no one. I sat listening to an orcestra and an angel came to me in the form of an old lady. The old women talked none stop. See got talking about a King of England that went insane. I had no knowledge of mental health. The old women left without knowing I was sick.
My head physically hurt. I called everyone I could. My aunt had heard of this and said to talk to a doctor. I went to the hospital the first time and they sent me away. They thought I was on drugs. I went home and back to a different hospital. I was disoriented and I couldn't find the entrance. I returned home to sleep. I woke exhausted and I found the Emergency room entrance. I had not eaten and my head hurt in a vise. I could hear peoples thoughts and it scared me.
The doctors committed me to the Eric Martin mental hospital. I was put in lock down isolation for days or a week I couldn't remember. I made peace with God and he provided me meals and a room at the hospital. I went on the pills for my thoughts. God looked after me.
I still take the pills and talk to the Doctors. I get Disability cheques. I learned of supports. These are not always money or work. Friendships, freedoms and communication can be invaluable. There is no one factor to blame on my illness. I will not go off my pills and a job alone won't heal me.
