Analyzing Thoughts and Battling the Brain

[JBtheJF]

First off I should start with a brief history of how I have grown up.
As far back as I can remember we lived up in the mountains of Virginia, in a broken down trailer that had no electricity and water. My parents fighting what seemed like every day. And not just fighting with words and bad looks but physical abuse as well. Clothes being ripped off each other some blows taken between my mom and dad and mental breakdowns for over weeks on end. This has happened throughout my life even until this day. Although my dad dose not hit my mom anymore the sarcasm, bad looks and insincerity is a common occurrence.

My dads belief's are as some would say Out there.
As I grew up I was led to believe that friends were bad, College would turn me into a sinner and that I should live with my parents forever. Those are just some of his belief's. I am twenty one, and still living with them. Over the new years nothing good happened, my parents were fighting non stop, and for some reason im always included in their disregards. So I told them I was moving out. Which I am still planning on doing so. But this is beside the point.

With growing up in these situations it has strengthened me in the lord, but has made me think things I would rather never enter into my thoughts. Recently everyone had a great Christmas. My Grandma told our family members not to buy us any gifts because we didn't have the funds to get them anything. Even so she still got presents for everyone. As we were making our rounds, with knowing the fact that I was not going to receive anything I still had a bit of jealousy, and the thought's how come they didn't get me anything, even though I was perfectly happy with nothing and wanted nothing. But these are the thoughts that come into my head on a daily basis. Analyzing everything, thinking thoughts that I would never in my right mind think.

I know this is something that I can control, I read a book a few years back called Battling the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It did help me in a lot of instances, but I have never fully recovered from this issue.

I guess what im asking here is has anyone ever had these problems? And have you ever overcame them?

Im sorry for the short post, I could put a lot of things that I am battling on a daily basis, but im sure there is another catagory for them.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

You didn't give enough information, but you might be suffering from something called Obsessive-compulsive disorder. If you Google it you will find some better descriptions, but it basically makes you think "crazy" things, and in order to "battle" these thoughts a lot of people do all kinds of rituals and so on. As an example they suddenly get the thought that something bad will happen if they don't do something in a specific way. Repetitive behavior etc is common. I suffer from this myself.

Of course, you might not have this and there might be other reasons behind your thoughts, like just you feeling a tiny bit jealous (remember that feelings don't automatically make us sinners, it's how we deal with them that matters). I'm really sorry about your childhood and your parents. I agree that it is a good idea for you to move out. Try not to burn all bridges with your parents, though, but I can't see much good coming from you staying with them except you turning into them.

Post some more about the thoughts you have if you feel comfortable, maybe that will give more of an insight into what really is bothering you. Look up the symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder and see if it fits you. A link for you to get started with: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder . Do remember that it is wikipedia though, and as such can't be fully trusted as anyone can add information. Remember to pray and ask for guidance from God. It's always He that helps us!

 

[Anti Existance]

What you have experienced is actually enough to make me redirect you and advice to see a counceller/shrink for an extensive time, you might not see all of the mental and physical damage that your parents with their behaviour inflicted on you, but i definitly see them. Well first thing is first.

I want you to aknowledge.

-Your family is what we call dysfunctional.
-A relationship is all about making eachother happy.
-The bad example your parents have set has ruined your life.

I want you to do the following.

-Do NOT listen to your father anymore for the rest of your life.
-Say to yourself ,what my parents are is EXACTLY what i do NOT want to be, EVER!

Now personally i think you require a lot of theraphy, but knowing that your probably not the kind of type that would apply for something like that, i still recommend it tho.

Now that Christmas gift event has been bugging you a lot, receiving a christmas gift is a very nice thing. However, it does not represent what God stands for , nor what we mean with the Christmas spirit.

Its giving what is the blessing, not the receiving. But personally i think you might be at a point where you are unable to give.

However it is the real meaning of life to love and help others. What you need to replace is the ' it belongs in the trash' kind of role model that your parents have shown you, and replace it with books of Dr.Phil(honestly not kidding if you can get your hands on those kind of books it will do you a world of good).

You aren't in the position to save your parents at this moment, first you need to save yourself from the astrocities that they have been putting you thru.

Your grandma was also wrong for not giving you gifts in that sense, that love needs to be unconditional. If you all honestly don't have the money, then its unreasonable for your family to neglect you as much as they did.

What i want you to do is to bring order into chaos. And to replace the hatred with Yoga and meditation, trying especially to bring balance back in your life. Because these kind of events are highly destabilzing your life. Anyway its time to show that your not like your parents, and to stand firm on your own feet , by being harsh on your life problems, and soft to other people you need to weave your own best possible future. You don't need your parents, rather you need to understand that you need to be like a castle gate. Closing yourself for bad people/things/events , even if they are your own parents, and opening yourself up to good people/things.events.

Nothing can grow from negativity, or the horrible comments your parents are making about you. If no one believes in you , you better belief in yourself. Support yourself and do everything in your power to become the best man you can be.

Keep on giving love and helping other people, even if you receive nothing back. I believe that you CAN ACCOMPLISH college, throw those negative comments of your dad along with him out of your castle, and go for gold in your life despite all odds.

 

[allthatisgone]

No short post brother. As you may have been told, we can have control of our minds. The next time a wrong thought begins to enter, grip it in the threshold of your mind as in a vice and dont allow it an inch of way. Refuse to think it at all. The more you think of the wrong thought, the more it fixes itself to your head. It's one of the greatest advice I've ever gotten and from Oswald Chambers.

 

[Johnnz]

That is a sad past. Memories and images are etched deep into yor innermost being. You have a most commendable attitude in spite of that.

Good has its own reality. It is much more than the mere absence of evil. It would help you considerably to move out, meet some whole, real Christians and learn what a different life is out there. As you imbibe the positive you will have less issue with the negative.

Some counselling could be useful, but just being around good, loving people will be so helpful.

John
NZ

 

[artjack]

I dont know what to say but I read your post and you seem to be thinking of the past negitives instead of the positive past or future,you are young and will get stronger if you get faith and you can and thank god for the things you already have and trust that is all you need, dont breakdown, love your family, we have a strange veiw of perfection at your age yet,time flys.

 

[JBtheJF]

I appreciate all of your support and it will be taken into consideration. I did actually look up Obsessive-compulsive disorder on Google, and looked at the symptoms, which I can honestly say I do have a few of them. But im not one for medication, I don't like the idea of using medicine to alter the brain, although I might consider a slight anti-depressant. Either way I agree that all things are possible through God, and I can battle my way through this.

artjack, I try my hardest every day to look toward the future and the positive. Just sometimes as im sure you all know its hard at times.

But I can identify where the negativeness comes into my life. From my dad. Throughout the years almost every day from my dad I have heard about the past and past problems and how they will never change. Or how if we don't change them or don't do our part we will Die, or the family will be destroyed and be a million miles away. There is no room for growth and its always his way.

But I am trying my hardest to look toward the positive. My dad taught against going to church because it's apostate. And that if your around people you will become like them. {not in a good way} But I do know otherwise, I'm going to church and have quite a few good friends there. Saturday my brother and I go to a hang out under a salvation army and I have been invited to participate in a Christian get together Thursdays. Which I hope to attend regularly. And this Thursday im going to the Vol. Fire Dept. to sign up. What im trying to do is get outside of my dads box and do things I have wanted to do for a long time. And the thoughts are getting better by doing these things.

But the fact still remains that I react to certain situations that I would otherwise just blow off.

Im sure I haven't replied in a accurate response, But this evening after the day dies here at work I will return and re-read your posts and take some notes down.

Again thank you for your support.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I wasn't suggesting getting medication for the Obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just being aware of the causes behind some thoughts helps us deal with them.

Keep trying to establish your own life. Just be careful that you don't create dependencies on uncertain things, keep relying on God. I'd also suggest studying the Bible and finding a basis for how to live your life. Build on Jesus Christ and you won't ever have to find yourself in a similar situation where suddenly everything you have been taught is called into question.

 

[UnitynLove]

I'll be praying for you brother

 

[lavenderskies]

First I will be praying for you.
Second I agree with seeking a counselor.
I grew up with abuse in my home only it was not my parents against each other it was one parent against me. These things impact us for life. But it is not hopeless. You can seek help and without medication.
I also suggest the next time you have these thoughts and doubts in your mind that you do not like, at that moment close your eyes and begin to pray. Father I come to seek your help. Lord I know these doubts and thoughts are not from you. Lord I demand in the mighty name of Jesus that these thoughts leave my head never to return. In Jesus Name Amen.

I think you will be surprised by the impact this will have on things. We must remember there is mighty power in the name of Jesus.