An alignment in Christian living

[ThisIsMe123]

A co-worker of mine said he has another date set up with a Christian woman (devout) and I know this person well enough to be a sweet and kind woman. I guess you could say he think she has a lot of qualities he wants in a woman, but his only concern is about how really religious she is.

You know, Hallmark channel only content, and Sunday is an all day affair and not just going to church and home right after. Basically, she lives, eats and breathes it. She's a Baptist, so that religion is deeply rooted in that kind of lifestyle.

He's like "I have no problem going to church with her", but straight out the door they aren't really aligned in the lifestyle. I mean, he knows lyrics to "I can only imagine!" and some other Christian music...but that's about it. And he's a pretty kind man himself.

I've dated my share of Christian woman where it didn't turn out to be a match for similar reasons. One believed in not kissing until her wedding day, which i found unusual...as it's not a sin to kiss before marriage. I thought "What kind of person does that?" So that didn't go so well.

Now, I have known to curse on occasion, but not like as sailor. Like you stub your toe and say the S word. Had a woman hear me say that, and she said she didn't like the fact I cursed. I mean it's not like I drop the F-bomb all the time.

I had to cut ties with a movie buddy, well, we still talk...but she said she has taken her path down a road of Christianity where she's completely staying away from movies that have profanity and violence in them. How I discovered this when she seemed excited about the new Terminator movie coming out, when it did come out a few months later, I asked her if she wanted to go...and that's when she revealed to me that she's given that up.

She said she would not even be cool with her husband seeing said movie with a male bud, while she can watch her Hallmark flicks.

Now, I don't know if this has ever happened when genders are reversed, but it seems women are this way more so than men?

That being said there seems to be always a lack of alignment of all Christians dating, but when it comes to this, there could be dealbreakers for one of them.

It's like "She's great in every way, but....she won't watch this movie with me"

 

[Saucy]

I think she is trying to do the right thing by not being so ingrained in the world. She takes her faith seriously and I tend to believe women like that will only further strengthen her man's faith in the Lord and keep him on the straight and narrow.

Another thread here says these type of women don't exist anymore lol. I say she's a keeper. If you avoid her because she won't watch Terminator or because she takes kissing seriously, you're missing out!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I think she is trying to do the right thing by not being so ingrained in the world. She takes her faith seriously and I tend to believe women like that will only further strengthen her man's faith in the Lord and keep him on the straight and narrow.

Another thread here says these type of women don't exist anymore lol. I say she's a keeper. If you avoid her because she won't watch Terminator or because she takes kissing seriously, you're missing out!

Yeah, but she could be missing out if she doesn't want me watching Terminator movies....so..there's that. It sounds like a rather petty reason to not date someone.

I am a movie buff..so...comes with the territory.

I'd be cool with a live and let live attitude...she does her thing, I do mine. But her to forbade me to do it as a condition to date her...sorry, not going to give it up.

 

[Saucy]

Yeah, but she could be missing out if she doesn't want me watching Terminator movies....so..there's that. It sounds like a rather petty reason to not date someone.

I am a movie buff..so...comes with the territory.

I'd be cool with a live and let live attitude...she does her thing, I do mine. But her to forbade me to do it as a condition to date her...sorry, not going to give it up.

I'm sorry, I didn't see in your original post that she forbade you from watching movies. You even said you could watch it with a buddy. She just doesn't want to watch them herself. So, in my opinion, the pettiness here is not wanting to date someone because they don't want to watch movies with violence in them. If movies are your #1 priority...more important to you than the character of a strong Christian woman, then that's going to be your cross to bear. There are plenty of lukewarm Christians out there to choose from.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

There are plenty of lukewarm Christians out there to choose from.

You can still be of a strong Christian character whether or not you watch movies.

I mean, I can understand if it's straight up porn.

Then there are those who see wrong in Pokemon, Harry Potter, Dungeons and Dragons, the list goes on.

 

[bèlla]

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

While many profess a belief in God the majority are still in the nursery. They speak, think, and behave like children and never mature spiritually. It prevents them from experiencing the fullness of I Am.

They’ve been walking with the Lord for years but they’re having the same discussions and dilemmas. They’re asking for prayer about things that should have been resolved long ago. They’re stagnant and oblivious to their condition.

Because holiness isn’t sameness. It’s the conscious denial of flesh in deference to the Holy Spirit. Some of you are so wedded to your former selves you’re making the rules. You’ve drawn the lines and determined what’s acceptable. That’s why you’re in a rut.

You should have had a word by now. If you had you’d understand why things are off-limits for some or unappealing to others and not so for you. It’s a reflection of our love for God and willingness to bear the cross.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Some of you want a comfortable, convenient, compromising Christianity and you’ve got it. But you look around and find your brothers and sisters are passing you by. They’re getting the things you want and the breakthroughs you lack. And you ought to ask why.

While you’re fitting God to your standard and surrounding yourself with likeminded people you’ve failed to see the problem. It’s impossible to grow when everyone’s at the same point. They don’t possess the wisdom and experience required to challenge or counsel. And more than likely they think like you.

Even the heathen knows that’s wrong. They have enough foresight to surround themselves with people where they are, where they’re heading, and where they hope to finish.

Why don’t you? How will you grow in holiness when everyone around you validates your nonsense? And it is nonsense. You don’t realize how dumb you are until you get close to God. We need Him.

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.

If your brother or sister has a standard that exceeds your own that doesn’t contradict the word to God be the glory. Let them run their race. It’s not our responsibility to demean their sanctification. If the Lord is the author you’re criticizing Him.

 

[DragonFox91]

Lucky men.

My experience it's the opposite. Lot of godly men but not finding women who are godly.

& I go to Baptist (fundamental) churches.

What denomination is your man friend?

 

[linux.poet]

A co-worker of mine said he has another date set up with a Christian woman (devout) and I know this person well enough to be a sweet and kind woman. I guess you could say he think she has a lot of qualities he wants in a woman, but his only concern is about how really religious she is.

You know, Hallmark channel only content, and Sunday is an all day affair and not just going to church and home right after. Basically, she lives, eats and breathes it. She's a Baptist, so that religion is deeply rooted in that kind of lifestyle.

I think I should stay out of this relationship, as should you. This man and this woman probably have a lot to learn from each other. He could probably stand to learn some more spiritual devotion and she could probably stand to loosen up a bit and have some fun. It's none of our business.

You should have had a word by now. If you had you’d understand why things are off-limits for some or unappealing to others and not so for you. It’s a reflection of our love for God and willingness to bear the cross.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Some of you want a comfortable, convenient, compromising Christianity and you’ve got it. But you look around and find your brothers and sisters are passing you by. They’re getting the things you want and the breakthroughs you lack. And you ought to ask why.

I don't think that abstaining from certain media is a sign of Godliness - it's a sign of legalism. If you suppress the sin nature of mankind, you make it bigger and uglier. This is why "outwardly Christian" households that never watch an R-rated movie have troubled marriages and problems, because they never acknowledge their fallen humanity. In the end, they don't have an outlet for their sin natures so they blame the other person for suppressing their fallen nature and the relationship ends in divorce.

People expect way too much out of marriage partners in general. Which do you think is more harmful for a kid - watching their parents watch Deadpool that one time or seeing them get divorced? Answer: Deadpool. The divorce is shear trauma, and Deadpool can be explained: it's a fictional franchise, Daddy likes it because he's a fallen human being, we're working on it. Exactly.

Knowing what "evil" media appeals to us tells us what we need to work on in our lives and hearts. One song can end a whole lot of relationship pain before it happens. So I've found the Christians who get out and live a little to be the more decent and most sanctified. They acknowledge they are sinful (actually) and actually need God's redemption, rather than trying to starve the sin nature on their own.

Now kids need a filter, because they don't understand certain things at certain ages. But eventually they should be allowed freedom to watch whatever media they want, and trust that we have trained them well in spiritual discernment. The key is not avoiding the media, but knowing what is sinful in it and what is actually aligned with Christianity - what is true in media and what is not.

 

[bèlla]

People expect way too much out of marriage partners in general. Which do you think is more harmful for a kid - watching their parents watch Deadpool that one time or seeing them get divorced?

I understand what you’re getting at. But there’s a difference between an idea and a result you can sink your hands into. Right now you have a lot of concepts. But you haven’t had an opportunity to test them. You need some clay to do so.

You take the clay and mold it and do all you said and more. After 18 years you’ll discover if your hypothesis is correct. When they’re out of your jurisdiction you’ll find out what stuck and fell away.

The same applies to relationships. All philosophies bear fruit. You scrutinize the results to determine if it produced the thing you had in mind. That’s how you test the theory and discover hidden patterns.

 

[linux.poet]

I understand what you’re getting at. But there’s a difference between an idea and a result you can sink your hands into. Right now you have a lot of concepts. But you haven’t had an opportunity to test them. You need some clay to do so.

You take the clay and mold it and do all you said and more. After 18 years you’ll discover if your hypothesis is correct. When they’re out of your jurisdiction you’ll find out what stuck and fell away.

The same applies to relationships. All philosophies bear fruit. You scrutinize the results to determine if it produced the thing you had in mind. That’s how you test the theory and discover hidden patterns.

I don’t think you know enough about me to be making these statements. Perhaps I actually have some data from working in children's ministry, talking with children on an online forum, and I know a thing or two about testing relationship philosophies and navigating spiritual minefields.

 

[bèlla]

You don't know enough about me to be making these statements. Perhaps I actually have some data from working in children's ministry, talking with children on an online forum, and I know a thing or two about testing relationship philosophies and navigating spiritual minefields.

Working in a children’s ministry isn’t the same as raising a child. Nor is it the topic the OP is addressing. Or the subject I discussed in my initial comment. Nor was marriage for that matter. You raised both in your reply.

In light of that let’s leave it there.

 

[linux.poet]

Nor was marriage for that matter.

Er, the OP was discussing marriage, about a legalistic woman who wouldn't let her husband-to-be watch certain movies. That's what this thread is about.

Your previous comment appears to be defending her choice. The reason I brought up the subject of children's ministry was to defend my rhetorical question about media's impact on children, which you quoted.

 

[Cute Peonies]

I've dated my share of Christian woman where it didn't turn out to be a match for similar reasons. One believed in not kissing until her wedding day, which i found unusual...as it's not a sin to kiss before marriage. I thought "What kind of person does that?" So that didn't go so well.

I admire her self respect. If I was a man, my interest in her would skyrocket. You clearly wasn't the right man for her. She's setting her boundaries to test you and you failed ^^'

That's how you check the intentions of the man in front of you.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I admire her self respect. If I was a man, my interest in her would skyrocket. You clearly wasn't the right man for her. She shared her boundaries to test you and you failed ^^'

That's how you check the intentions of the man in front of you.

I didn't fail anything, it just wasn't a good match. It's a question of compatibility. Be it Christian standards or non-Christian standards.

That she may be socially awkward. Sex before marriage, I can get that..no kissing...there's something odd going on there.

I would say with this extreme, there could be other issues going on here.

 

[bèlla]

I don’t think she’s socially awkward. I’ve set aside a lot and continue to do so. Many things Christian’s are comfortable with. She has a different standard. That’s all.

@Saucy nailed it. “She takes her faith seriously and I tend to believe women like that will only further strengthen her man's faith in the Lord and keep him on the straight and narrow.”

Womanly influence is powerful when directed by the Lord.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I don’t think she’s socially awkward. I’ve set aside a lot and continue to do so. Many things Christian’s are comfortable with. She has a different standard. That’s all.

Right, even in the Christian world, people have their own standards that don't align with others. Like some prefer a certain height or something,and if you don't meet it..that's that.

But since this is a recent thing I've heard of, that this is actually a thing, my question why is that so important to her? What does it mean? Can we at least hold hands and hug? lol

 

[Saucy]

Right, even in the Christian world, people have their own standards that don't align with others. Like some prefer a certain height or something,and if you don't meet it..that's that.

But since this is a recent thing I've heard of, that this is actually a thing, my question why is that so important to her? What does it mean? Can we at least hold hands and hug? lol

People know their limits. They feel even kissing can lead to something more if they are easily tempted. Being pure until marriage is super important to them. I personally enjoy a little kissing, but if I was with someone who wanted to wait, I would honor that. I would not want to tempt her, which might lead to myself being tempted. Kissing can be a gateway drug Whatever it takes to honor God, we should do it rather than fulfilling our own flesh.

 

[bèlla]

But since this is a recent thing I've heard of, that this is actually a thing, my question why is that so important to her? What does it mean? Can we at least hold hands and hug? lol

I can’t speak for her. But since I’ve done the same I’ll share some insight on what inspired the shift and its continuance.

I’ve always had an ability to read the handwriting on the wall. Long before its obvious. And foresee cause and effect. In many instances I’m consciously aware where my decisions lead before I execute. Sometimes its a literal if-then in action.

Part of that is my internal makeup. The things that make me bella. Some of it is the result of instruction and experience. Mine and people I’ve interacted with. And a lot of it is spiritual.

I’m connecting the dots on multiple planes. Because cause and effect flows beyond the physical. It impacts the mind, heart, spirit and connections. The ripple we’re experiencing is the effect of the cause in question.

When I say I listen to music (secular) sparingly there’s a reason behind the barrier. Depending on the hearer’s maturity I might admit it or leave the comment as is. I don’t share deep truths with certain people. It causes debates and arguments. And I won’t let them mess with my frequency. The holy attunement I want to maintain.

If you understand worship’s origination and purpose you’ll make the connection. Otherwise you’ll think I’m being religious. But when you live with the root in mind—the want to see what’s behind things naturally and spiritually—you think differently.

Because I know music originated with God and was designed for worship. I’m not surprised by the filth we’re hearing. It’s meant to evoke a response as well. Just like worship does. It draws you closer to Him. I try to listen to things that do the same.

My conception of entertainment changed. Bad roots don’t produce good seeds. And if He isn’t the architect, it doesn’t matter how harmless it appears, it isn’t. I may be unsusceptible to the hook. But exposure impacts you over time. To avoid it I don’t put it in front of me.

And I’m cognizant of the clock. The spiritual climate shifted and will grow increasingly worse. This isn’t the time to be slack. It’s time to fortify. That’s what I’m doing.

When temptations and hardships come I’ll be able to stand. I won’t be crying and panicking and I’ll see the storm on the horizon. Because I’m not distracted and understand the war.

The bible tells us “be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

In the natural, he’s too big to miss. You’ll see him coming or hear him beforehand. And that should give you pause. If you’re lost or distracted you’ll get gobbled up. But when you’re battle ready you aren’t ignorant of his devices. You didn’t put him in box.

Separation is his aim. He’ll use whatever it takes to diminish our holiness and relationship with God. Because they’re related. You can’t backslide when you’re plugged in. And when you’re dialed in knowledge and counsel increase. That’s how wisdom occurs.

If pressing the singleness button will vex your spirit he’ll do it. And if you don’t pray against it resentment will take root. In like fashion, if stoking your enjoyment of films will influence your discrimination he’ll do it. Because after awhile your tolerance shifts. You’re able to stomach things others can’t because your conscience is seared. And that’s the goal because it leads to compromise.

That’s how you end up with Christians supporting gay marriage. They didn’t get there overnight. It’s a combination of exposure, experiences and agreements with a giant dollop of wrong connections.

Many people treat the disease when it arrives but I believe in prevention. You don’t need a pastor to tell you everything. Start observing yourself. What happens when you listen to certain songs or watch certain movies. Were you thinking or feeling that way beforehand? Probably not. They influenced you.

We have to be mindful of our response. Because wars aren’t won with one strategy. You use different approaches and adjust as needed. And so does he. The deadliest strategies are rarely overt. It’s the covert ones that cause the most damage.

That’s why he pushes the envelope in music and film. The majority believe they’re harmless and aren’t seeing it with him in mind. He puts a lot of stuff in their head and they’re clueless.

Why would I partake of Hollywood when the name reveals its purpose? Holly wood is a reference to the holly tree. And if you’ve read or seen Harry Potter you know his wand was made of holly. Why would I subject myself to enchantment? Look how much they’ve influenced society.

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light.

Have you ever seen sheep up close? They’re not cunning like wolves. Nor are they hunters. But lions and wolves are. That’s who we’re dealing with.

 

[linux.poet]

That she may be socially awkward. Sex before marriage, I can get that..no kissing...there's something odd going on there.

I would say with this extreme, there could be other issues going on here.

Kissing can spread STDs, therefore I am a “no sex out of marriage, no kissing before engagement” woman. I happily hug people of both genders who are brothers and sisters in Christ, and also my unbelieving relatives.

I think you should be more respectful of ladies who don’t just want to kiss random guys off the street and contract dreadful diseases. I would hope that my husband would be able to appreciate the fact that I just don’t go around kissing whoever and that I just want to do it with him.

@bèlla , unfortunately, I’ve heard all of that before. The Bible firmly teaches that the sin nature is inside of us, not outside of us. We are called to be in the world but not of it. This means that our internal selves are called to be spiritually mature and withstand the pressures of spiritual warfare from without.

So those thoughts your friends are supposedly getting from the new media? Those thoughts were already inside of them and a part of their sin nature already. The media is just God’s way of bringing their sin nature to the surface so they can deal with it. The Christians who believe gay marriage is okay believed it was okay well before they watched anything supporting it. They wanted it to be okay long before it ever came up.

As a surge test, I could watch thousands of hours of footage supporting gay marriage, and at the end of it not only my beliefs would be unchanged, but I would have a highly detailed critique of why gay marriage is wrong, all the lies the pro-gay-marriage crowd is using, and probably could write you a beautiful essay on how Christians would best oppose it. (I could probably write a few poems too and strategically place them for maximum impact to change minds.)

And you know how I know this is true? I do this in school every week. The professors at secular university don’t have the power to change my faith anymore than my dad did. My dad told me a bunch of anti-Christian lies, and guess what? My faith is as strong as ever. God wins the spiritual battles we face.

What you are describing is not spiritual devotion, but glorified cowardice. We are called to be in the world and fight our battles for God’s glory and honor. We are not called to put our heads in the sand and ignore the world as it swirls around us, blissfully ignorant of the evil outside of our doors and blaming our enemies for why we don’t fight.

If an evil message is coming at us, it is our responsibility to show the lies that evil message is made of, to show that that lies are really lies, and shut it down, both inside and outside of us.

Finally, supposedly bad media can actually appeal to a Christian for a good reason that has nothing to do with the evil content of the work. I can also tell you that even the most Christian of works have evil messages in them. Family idolization and unrealistic spiritual optimism are the most common errors. No human being can create perfect media - that’s an unrealistic expectation because we all have sin natures.

And the best media shows Christ’s redemption overcoming the sin nature. Christian media fails to acknowledge the sin nature, and secular media fails to acknowledge Christ’s redemption. The rare work that acknowledges both and that manages to get past, through, or around the marketing overlords is a prize indeed.

 

[VMaeLove]

What you are describing is not spiritual devotion, but glorified cowardice. We are called to be in the world and fight our battles for God’s glory and honor. We are not called to put our heads in the sand and ignore the world as it swirls around us, blissfully ignorant of the evil outside of our doors and blaming our enemies for why we don’t fight.

If an evil message is coming at us, it is our responsibility to show the lies that evil message is made of, to show that that lies are really lies, and shut it down, both inside and outside of us.

I believe it is good mentioning that it is important to know which battles you can win before charging at them.
Not every one is the same level of spiritual strength. We all walk a different path at a different speed. We all have strength and weakness.

Some times sin is a subtle poison less a wall to smash through.
The best way to beat poison can be to avoid ingesting in the first place.