Am I Weird, Or Is He Weird?

[Chesterton]

Is the goal here that you just want to gripe about your most casual acquaintance and how it bugged you? Or are you looking for feedback?

Chesterton said:
I'll get to that later.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I said I've spoken to her.

I'm on very good terms with his wife.

Well then that happened in the time between when you first posted and now:



What you say now is a significant change in the story.

 

[Chesterton]

I disagree. Asking for access to kids is very creepy indeed.

I didn't ask for "access" to any kid.

As a parent I would take a very dim even hostile view to someone who behaved the way you described.

You may disagree but the reality is that parents become unreasonable when they perceive a threat to their kids.

For your own safety I would caution you to avoid any repetition of such behaviour.

This is your second intimation of violence in this thread. It that a British atheist thing?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Well, the way I was raised is you give people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to do otherwise. I don't feel like I gave him a reason.

Unfortunately, the law of averages is against you, brother Chesterton. It's not much different than the fact that since both you and I are Christians, we have to take some of the brunt when some pastor in a church does something unbecoming and then secular folks throw up their hands and shout, "............See! See! Those Christians aren't any better than anyone else and can't be trusted with our lives or with our kids........."

In this case, if you're a single male, and because there are so many single male leaders (or teachers in k-12 schools) these days who do dastardly things, you'll have to live in the 'caution zone' when around other people's children.

 

[Chesterton]

Wanting to gain access to minors is creepy anywhere. Ugh

I agree, that's why I didn't and would never do that.

What?

What what?

Yes. I’m not a parent, but my brother won’t let any grown men be alone with my niece who is 14, doesn’t matter if they’re family or not.

I also did not ask to be alone with anyone.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I said nothing like that to anyone outside of this thread.

Not sure how that is better…

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I didn't ask for "access" to any kid.

The fact you don’t see how what you’re asking gives you access means it’s probably best that you find some new friends.

This is your second intimation of violence in this thread. It that a British atheist thing?

They did no such thing, and being nasty doesn’t help your arguments.

 

[Chesterton]

Reading over this thread... no, I don't think you are all that wierd. I think American society is individualistic, isolated, and paranoid ("stranger danger", the one thing you can't talk about rationally with broad segments of American society).

Oh, you opened the door to politics. I'll just say if you're not familiar with Prof. Johnathan Haidt, you should look into his work about how the exaggerated idea of "stranger danger" in the '90's led to the rise of the radical Left. But I appreciate your comment.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

So there’s a layer of context you’re not providing us hence the “tell you later?” Well, then it feels you’re trying to cultivate an answer by manipulating data.

 

[Chesterton]

So there’s a layer of context you’re not providing us hence the “tell you later?” Well, then it feels you’re trying to cultivate an answer by manipulating data.

I'm asking you to not participate in this thread any more. If you want to take cheap shots at me in the News and Politics forums I'm fine with that. Please don't do it in a thread where I'm discussing something personal to me.

 

[RileyG]

I agree, that's why I didn't and would never do that.

What what?

I also did not ask to be alone with anyone.

I’m aware. It’s more of an observation, not about you, specifically.

 

[Chesterton]

@Isaac the Recluse @mourningdove~ @Michie @Jermayn @comana @RileyG @FireDragon76 @2PhiloVoid

Got more replies than expected. Thank you everyone for reading, and for your input. There's some info left out of the OP because I like to keep posts as short as possible, and because I didn't think it relevant, or because I thought it was too personal.
I apologize for this post being long, which I try to avoid usually, but it seems necessary here.

The man I'm talking about is my priest, and I didn't really know if I should say that. I know most of you don't have priests, some of you have pastors maybe.

He's a very kind and caring man. He knows me well. I've confessed my sins to him. He knows me better than I know him, but I do know that even before becoming a priest he lived a very straight-laced life. Never smoked, never drank, that kind of thing. In 10 years with him as my priest, I've had to confess to him two brief illicit relationships I've had. With women, grown women. There was no adultery involved. I confess every sin of significance. If I ever had that abominable inclination towards children, he would know.

The incident I'm talking about happened at our church's Halloween party. I and some other guys had been there that morning to clean and set up for the party. Another adult at clean up told me he'd be at the party later, and I went to the party to talk to him about some real estate business.

When I first arrived at the party, walking in, the priest waved me over to sit with him. First thing he said after "hello" was "You came to a children's Halloween party?" The human brain works quick, and I said something like "Oh yeah, I love seeing the kids in their costumes." I mean, yeah, I like kids seeing kids in cute costumes on the same level any normal person might like it, so it wasn't a lie. I just thought maybe saying I was there for business might seem un-festive and maybe even crass. This may have been a mistake on my part. I've been to other kids events in the past, like Halloween and Easter egg hunts, but I go to socialize and have fellowship with the adults.

There's one thing I got wrong in the OP. I said I'd never said a word to any of his children, but I had forgotten one single exception with the boy. Many years ago, one Sunday morning during our church service, the priest's son was throwing a loud tantrum in the narthex, screaming and crying. I was in the narthex being an usher. I watched his mom try to calm him, and his mom's mom try, and others try, all in vain. He wouldn't stop, so his mom put him outside on the balcony, where he continued the tantrum.

I had a hunch that I might be able to calm him, and the hunch was actually based on the fact that I'd never spoken to him. I had the idea that he might feel awkward acting out in front of an adult stranger, because the other adults who unsuccessfully tried to calm him were the more gregarious types who I frequently see talking and playing with the kids after church. So when his mom walked back in, I asked her "Do you mind if I go out and speak with him?" She said "please do ", so I went outside and made small talk.* It worked. He calmed down, was happy and smiling, came back inside, and the mom and grandmother were grateful and thanked me.

I should add that that morning, we were having our service at a vacant retail office space. While I was talking to his son, it was right outside the front of the building which is made up of wall to wall, floor to ceiling plate glass windows. I was alone with the kid, but in plain view of about a dozen people, including his mom and grandmother, in the narthex.

I have no idea if the priest's wife ever told him about that, but I wonder if she did, that perhaps he got the wrong idea about me wanting to talk to his son alone outside the wall of clear glass windows?

But I don't really think he thinks I have any perverse "thing" for kids. The thing that insulted me most was when he said "but you can hang around us here", which seems to imply that he thinks that I want to glom onto his family, as if I'm some lonely loser or something. He knows my immediate family is all deceased, but I'm an uncle and a great uncle, and my nephews and nieces and I have always gotten along great our entire lives, and always spend time together throughout the year.

I'm going to talk with him next week. I really do appreciate everyone's input, especially the part about parents wanting to be protective. I never had children, but I have a beautiful doggie that I love, and if anyone ever tried to harm it, it would be better if a millstone were tied around their neck...

* This was in January. During the small talk I asked him what he got for Christmas. He said all he got was a tomato. A single tomato. I suspect this isn't the whole truth, but if it is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to have a second talk with my priest and his wife about how Santa Claus is supposed to work.

 

[Chesterton]

I’m aware. It’s more of an observation, not about you, specifically.

I just wanted to be clear.

 

[Michie]

@Isaac the Recluse @mourningdove~ @Michie @Jermayn @comana @RileyG @FireDragon76 @2PhiloVoid

Got more replies than expected. Thank you everyone for reading, and for your input. There's some info left out of the OP because I like to keep posts as short as possible, and because I didn't think it relevant, or because I thought it was too personal.
I apologize for this post being long, which I try to avoid usually, but it seems necessary here.

The man I'm talking about is my priest, and I didn't really know if I should say that. I know most of you don't have priests, some of you have pastors maybe.

He's a very kind and caring man. He knows me well. I've confessed my sins to him. He knows me better than I know him, but I do know that even before becoming a priest he lived a very straight-laced life. Never smoked, never drank, that kind of thing. In 10 years with him as my priest, I've had to confess to him two brief illicit relationships I've had. With women, grown women. There was no adultery involved. I confess every sin of significance. If I ever had that abominable inclination towards children, he would know.

The incident I'm talking about happened at our church's Halloween party. I and some other guys had been there that morning to clean and set up for the party. Another adult at clean up told me he'd be at the party later, and I went to the party to talk to him about some real estate business.

When I first arrived at the party, walking in, the priest waved me over to sit with him. First thing he said after "hello" was "You came to a children's Halloween party?" The human brain works quick, and I said something like "Oh yeah, I love seeing the kids in their costumes." I mean, yeah, I like kids seeing kids in cute costumes on the same level any normal person might like it, so it wasn't a lie. I just thought maybe saying I was there for business might seem un-festive and maybe even crass. This may have been a mistake on my part. I've been to other kids events in the past, like Halloween and Easter egg hunts, but I go to socialize and have fellowship with the adults.

There's one thing I got wrong in the OP. I said I'd never said a word to any of his children, but I had forgotten one single exception with the boy. Many years ago, one Sunday morning during our church service, the priest's son was throwing a loud tantrum in the narthex, screaming and crying. I was in the narthex being an usher. I watched his mom try to calm him, and his mom's mom try, and others try, all in vain. He wouldn't stop, so his mom put him outside on the balcony, where he continued the tantrum.

I had a hunch that I might be able to calm him, and the hunch was actually based on the fact that I'd never spoken to him. I had the idea that he might feel awkward acting out in front of an adult stranger, because the other adults who unsuccessfully tried to calm him were the more gregarious types who I frequently see talking and playing with the kids after church. So when his mom walked back in, I asked her "Do you mind if I go out and speak with him?" She said "please do ", so I went outside and made small talk.* It worked. He calmed down, was happy and smiling, came back inside, and the mom and grandmother were grateful and thanked me.

I should add that that morning, we were having our service at a vacant retail office space. While I was talking to his son, it was right outside the front of the building which is made up of wall to wall, floor to ceiling plate glass windows. I was alone with the kid, but in plain view of about a dozen people, including his mom and grandmother, in the narthex.

I have no idea if the priest's wife ever told him about that, but I wonder if she did, that perhaps he got the wrong idea about me wanting to talk to his son alone outside the wall of clear glass windows?

But I don't really think he thinks I have any perverse "thing" for kids. The thing that insulted me most was when he said "but you can hang around us here", which seems to imply that he thinks that I want to glom onto his family, as if I'm some lonely loser or something. He knows my immediate family is all deceased, but I'm an uncle and a great uncle, and my nephews and nieces and I have always gotten along great our entire lives, and always spend time together throughout the year.

I'm going to talk with him next week. I really do appreciate everyone's input, especially the part about parents wanting to be protective. I never had children, but I have a beautiful doggie that I love, and if anyone ever tried to harm it, it would be better if a millstone were tied around their neck...

* This was in January. During the small talk I asked him what he got for Christmas. He said all he got was a tomato. A single tomato. I suspect this isn't the whole truth, but if it is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to have a second talk with my priest and his wife about how Santa Claus is supposed to work.

That is very odd.

 

[Michie]

Could it be that the priest is hiding something?

 

[RileyG]

I just wanted to be clear.

Gotcha!

Peace