Am I two people? What is my true self, the good or the evil?

[tturt]

God says: "For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more." Heb 8:12

Since God knows everything, it means when we repent, God choses not to remember our past.

 

[Dan1988]

I do know I honestly believe in Jesus, and hope beyond hope that reality will be eternal life. I also honestly wish to follow all the teachings of Christ, and to be a servant of God. So this seem to indicate I am a good person.

The same time I suffer, but perhaps deserved, because I've truly been a great sinner, and I can hardly bear to thought of my own self and when I think of my weakest and worst moment in life. Where I've been full of desire, intoxicated, deluded and still are as if I'm two people, one of darkness and one of light, in a war against myself.

So what are my "true self", the acts I've done, but so much regret I have serious problems accepting Christ, simply because I feel so unworthy, and that make me feel as it is just that I should just continue to suffer? Or are this feeling of being unworthy and my deep suffering a sign that I - although a sinner - can do no better then do the good I wish to be part of instead?

It's so easy when confronted with the sins of others, and I can see myself in them, to wave their worries away, and pray for them and only wish them good. Also although I've read countless books and know the great sins of mankind, and how horrifying dark and full of evil history have been, I don't wish for the fate of others to be suffering. I don't sit in judgement against others then myself. And this is a serious problem I have, to come to terms with "the depths of Satan" as I've seen into half my life, as I grew up as an unbeliever. I'm tortured and a soul that feel like the shadow of a ghost, wandering around a world I do not understand, do not want to be part of and I'm at the borders of what sanity can bear with trying to understand it all, but would do better I think if I somehow was able to put it all behind me, and be the good I wish to be.

Every true believer is at war with 3 mortal enemies.

Enemy No. 1 is our old nature, (meaning the person we were before we were saved) that old nature is starving to be fed. It cries out because we don't give it what it wants, and sometimes it overwhelms us and we feed it then we feel guilty and dirty.

Enemy No. 2 is the Devil and His Demons or (The Kingdom of darkness) they never sleep and they are hell bent on our destruction. They attack us on the spiritual level, they project evil thoughts into our mind and they constantly accuse us of being unworthy to be called the children of God because of all the sin we have committed and continue to commit.

Enemy No. 3 is the world, this includes (people, animals and nature). We know that fallen people will try to take advantage of us and use us for their own personal gratification. The animal kingdom is savage for the most part. Snakes, spiders, mosquitoes, lions, savage dogs etc. are all hostile towards us. The natural world is also hostile towards us, if a person gets lost in the bush or desert or in cold weather we wouldn't survive for long.

God allows us to go through trials and tribulations for a very good reason, we don't suffer persecution in vain. God never does anything without a perfect reason, we can't understand His reasoning because His ways are infinitely higher than ours.

If you truly believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior, then you have every reason to be exceedingly happy. This life will be over before you know it, the bible describes this life as a vapor or the morning mist which quickly disappears as soon as the sun shines on it. So even if you are depressed and things are going badly, you can always think of eternity in paradise and that should put things into perspective for you.

I hope and pray that you don't fall into despair, as that would mean that you're not putting your trust in the Lord but you are trusting in your own ability to deal with your enemies.

 

[xaris]

Yes, off course. We all are 2 people. Why else would Jesus tell Peter, "get behind me satan" just after he told Peter I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. There is good and evil within us all. We have to subdue the evil. Its an everyday and constant battle. Its tough.

Probably better to say we have two natures as Christian's...
Galatians 5:17 NKJV
[17] For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.

 

[dqhall]

I do know I honestly believe in Jesus, and hope beyond hope that reality will be eternal life. I also honestly wish to follow all the teachings of Christ, and to be a servant of God. So this seem to indicate I am a good person.

The same time I suffer, but perhaps deserved, because I've truly been a great sinner, and I can hardly bear to thought of my own self and when I think of my weakest and worst moment in life. Where I've been full of desire, intoxicated, deluded and still are as if I'm two people, one of darkness and one of light, in a war against myself.

So what are my "true self", the acts I've done, but so much regret I have serious problems accepting Christ, simply because I feel so unworthy, and that make me feel as it is just that I should just continue to suffer? Or are this feeling of being unworthy and my deep suffering a sign that I - although a sinner - can do no better then do the good I wish to be part of instead?

It's so easy when confronted with the sins of others, and I can see myself in them, to wave their worries away, and pray for them and only wish them good. Also although I've read countless books and know the great sins of mankind, and how horrifying dark and full of evil history have been, I don't wish for the fate of others to be suffering. I don't sit in judgement against others then myself. And this is a serious problem I have, to come to terms with "the depths of Satan" as I've seen into half my life, as I grew up as an unbeliever. I'm tortured and a soul that feel like the shadow of a ghost, wandering around a world I do not understand, do not want to be part of and I'm at the borders of what sanity can bear with trying to understand it all, but would do better I think if I somehow was able to put it all behind me, and be the good I wish to be.

You should not dwell in the darkness of past mistakes. Try to keep busy doing good things and studying what is useful. Do not let passions run wild.

 

[nolidad]

I do know I honestly believe in Jesus, and hope beyond hope that reality will be eternal life. I also honestly wish to follow all the teachings of Christ, and to be a servant of God. So this seem to indicate I am a good person.

The same time I suffer, but perhaps deserved, because I've truly been a great sinner, and I can hardly bear to thought of my own self and when I think of my weakest and worst moment in life. Where I've been full of desire, intoxicated, deluded and still are as if I'm two people, one of darkness and one of light, in a war against myself.

So what are my "true self", the acts I've done, but so much regret I have serious problems accepting Christ, simply because I feel so unworthy, and that make me feel as it is just that I should just continue to suffer? Or are this feeling of being unworthy and my deep suffering a sign that I - although a sinner - can do no better then do the good I wish to be part of instead?

It's so easy when confronted with the sins of others, and I can see myself in them, to wave their worries away, and pray for them and only wish them good. Also although I've read countless books and know the great sins of mankind, and how horrifying dark and full of evil history have been, I don't wish for the fate of others to be suffering. I don't sit in judgement against others then myself. And this is a serious problem I have, to come to terms with "the depths of Satan" as I've seen into half my life, as I grew up as an unbeliever. I'm tortured and a soul that feel like the shadow of a ghost, wandering around a world I do not understand, do not want to be part of and I'm at the borders of what sanity can bear with trying to understand it all, but would do better I think if I somehow was able to put it all behind me, and be the good I wish to be.

Hi Alv:

If you are a follower of Christ and saved, you are actually both!

Though God has declared the old you dead and no longer, we still fight the old man everyday. As the Apostle Paul taught we wrestle to see who will gain the ascendancy, the old man who is dead or the new us who is being conformed to the image of Jesus.

Just know the the Lord knows how deep a sinner you may or may not be! He loves you way beyond your sin!

YOur failings in this flesh cannot overwhelm the Love God has for you because of what Jesus accomplished for you at Calvary. AS much as you are willing to forgive others, you must also forgive yourself as well. Even if that means going into a mirror and telling yourself you forgive yourself despite how you feel.

 

[fhansen]

I do know I honestly believe in Jesus, and hope beyond hope that reality will be eternal life. I also honestly wish to follow all the teachings of Christ, and to be a servant of God. So this seem to indicate I am a good person.

The same time I suffer, but perhaps deserved, because I've truly been a great sinner, and I can hardly bear to thought of my own self and when I think of my weakest and worst moment in life. Where I've been full of desire, intoxicated, deluded and still are as if I'm two people, one of darkness and one of light, in a war against myself.

So what are my "true self", the acts I've done, but so much regret I have serious problems accepting Christ, simply because I feel so unworthy, and that make me feel as it is just that I should just continue to suffer? Or are this feeling of being unworthy and my deep suffering a sign that I - although a sinner - can do no better then do the good I wish to be part of instead?

It's so easy when confronted with the sins of others, and I can see myself in them, to wave their worries away, and pray for them and only wish them good. Also although I've read countless books and know the great sins of mankind, and how horrifying dark and full of evil history have been, I don't wish for the fate of others to be suffering. I don't sit in judgement against others then myself. And this is a serious problem I have, to come to terms with "the depths of Satan" as I've seen into half my life, as I grew up as an unbeliever. I'm tortured and a soul that feel like the shadow of a ghost, wandering around a world I do not understand, do not want to be part of and I'm at the borders of what sanity can bear with trying to understand it all, but would do better I think if I somehow was able to put it all behind me, and be the good I wish to be.

It's a struggle-and a continuous one. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't still attracted at times to the "dark side", if being "new creations" meant no desire to sin again. Sometimes sin is defined as something we'd do even while knowing it's wrong. And in any case the more we know that something's wrong the more culpable we are for it. Jesus didn't come just to forgive sin though, but to overcome and take it away.

So it's a process, a struggle, again, and a good one. Because in that struggle, with forgiveness ever-present, we work out our salvation together with He who works in us. In that struggle we grow in righteousness, justice, sanctity. Or not. We have a purpose-to be aligned in will with God's will, ultimately-and this is simultaneous with coming to love Him with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. This involves our coming into union-or communion-with Him, a relationship which constitutes the right and just order of things for man-without which we're "dead", "lost", unable to rise on our own. Adam thought otherwise, that he didn't need God-and the rest is history. We're here to learn that Adam was wrong-that autonomy from God is only bad at the end of the day, resulting in all the problems and moral evil (sin) that we experience in this world. Otherwise we may prefer to carry on the family tradition.

Anyway, God didn't just create us to eventually save a number of worthless sinful wretches and damn the rest, but rather to create something, something good, something grand, something better than He started out with. And that something involves us; as we increasingly participate and agree with Him, we increase in our righteousness. This is what He wants for us. And the primary name of this righteousness is love and love is necessarily a choice even as grace is also necessary in order for us to obtain it. "Apart from Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

I appreciate a teaching I'm familiar with that says that, at the Fall, man was divided in some manner from God, from his fellow man, from the rest of creation, and even from himself. I think pride is the basis of all this. And humility, before God, is the answer which brings about faith in Him again, or acceptance of the gift of faith. Jesus came to reveal the true "face" of God, a God truly worth believing in. And by knowing and believing we may place our hope and trust in Him, and, ultimately, come to love Him. To know Him well is to love Him. And:
"Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 15:5

And it's ok that this is a process. It takes time to produce something of true and lasting value.

 

[tturt]

When we confess and repent of our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us (Luk 24:47, I John 1:9, Heb 8:12). God forgives us and chooses to forget our sins. So we can stop thinking about our past. We can accept His forgiveness, we can forgive ourselves - He has.

 

[Elfkind]

Thanks again everyone. There's a lot of wisdom in the things you all share here. I feel as though the most important thing I've learned to do the last week, have been to start my days focusing on Jesus, instead of giving all my attention to this world and whatever is going on in it. Practically that means to having stopped watching news as soon as I'm able to open my eyes, and instead spend some quiet hours alone with Jesus, in deep prayer for others that struggle, and this have been an amazing change in my life, and I'm terrified of losing sight at what I've gained and get back to the old fear and confusion again, but I guess that's because I start thinking that it is up to me, and that it is my actions that decide this, but really to have gone from deep anxiety to a just as deep peace is all in the hands of God.

It's a bit like I'm getting used to walking on water. I know Peter started sinking because he lost sight on Jesus, and instead thought it was up to himself to do this or be unable to do it. So I pray for all of us, that we all learn how to better trust in God with all our soul, and put our trust in Him, because He will never fail, Amen.