Am I naive?

[Yitzchak]

Let me put it this way. I consider me staring at a naked woman other than my wife to be disrespectful and dishonoring of my wife. I took a vow to honor her and if I know that embarrasses or makes her feels uncomfortable and demeaned. Insecure or unloved. Why would I defend such behavior??

It is not my wife's job to police my conscience. But there is an issue of my respect for her and knowing how my actions effect her.

 

[Vilnius]

How do we know when it crosses the line between watching tv and lusting after this woman, if that is what is running through the mind of the man at all?

I agree with the above post about house odds. If a guy is looking at an image of a an immodestly dressed woman in a film, TV ad, magazine cover, on the internet, or say high school girls in those incredibly short vollyball shorts (How can the schools let them dress like that?), the probability is the looking will turn to lusting within seconds. It is possible that he is not lusting. Every immodestly dressed female, or image of a female, is not a potential temptation for lust for every male. My grandmother walking down the beach in an tiny bikini would probably raise a reaction from men, but it would not be lust. I think we all get the picture here.

Clearly however,the females that TV shows, advertisers, movie producers, magazine editors , and bar owners, choose to feature in immodest dress are chosen because they will appeal to the majority of males. And when I say "appeal" I mean men will find them appealing to lust over. Even professional sports play this game, and not just with the cheerleaders any more. My wife and I do not have TV reception, but we were over at my grandparents' house a few months ago and there was a women's tennis match on. My, has the attire changed since the days I frequented the courts! The player was practically falling out of the top of her bathingsuit-like top. My wife was P.O.d because I kept looking on in a combination of "I can't believe this" and what can only be called lust. I work hard daily not to lust, but if I don't flee temptation and have accountability, the chance of living purely is nil.

 

[Soft Rains]

I agree with the above post about house odds. If a guy is looking at an image of a an immodestly dressed woman in a film, TV ad, magazine cover, on the internet, or say high school girls in those incredibly short vollyball shorts (How can the schools let them dress like that?), the probability is the looking will turn to lusting within seconds. It is possible that he is not lusting. Every immodestly dressed female, or image of a female, is not a potential temptation for lust for every male. My grandmother walking down the beach in an tiny bikini would probably raise a reaction from men, but it would not be lust. I think we all get the picture here.

Clearly however,the females that TV shows, advertisers, movie producers, magazine editors , and bar owners, choose to feature in immodest dress are chosen because they will appeal to the majority of males. And when I say "appeal" I mean men will find them appealing to lust over. Even professional sports play this game, and not just with the cheerleaders any more. My wife and I do not have TV reception, but we were over at my grandparents' house a few months ago and there was a women's tennis match on. My, has the attire changed since the days I frequented the courts! The player was practically falling out of the top of her bathingsuit-like top. My wife was P.O.d because I kept looking on in a combination of "I can't believe this" and what can only be called lust. I work hard daily not to lust, but if I don't flee temptation and have accountability, the chance of living purely is nil.

Sexual obsessions. It sounds like you're the expert. Do you know that this stuff -- preoccupations -- aren't on the minds of 90% of the people out there?

If this is what your efforts to achieve sexual purity have done -- to bring sex to the forefront of your cerebrum every time you are with a woman with some bodaceous curves, then you can have it!

I am going to a bar tonight with some of my girlfriends, and they will be smokin' hot -- but I'll think about it and ogle them for about 30 seconds before my mind turns to other healthy matters of concern -- like communication, shared experience, etc. There is a way for a man to live as a healthy, well-adjusted heterosexual man without worrying about "lusting." I read "Every Man's Battle," I just didn't believe it to be an accurate description of my experience as a man.

I love women, what can I say? Fortunately, the only ones who are going to be interested in marrying me are the ones who like my eyes on their bodies and who aren't so insecure as to jump to outrageous conclusions when I survey other women.

 

[~DESTINY~]

I love women, what can I say? Fortunately, the only ones who are going to be interested in marrying me ...aren't so insecure as to jump to outrageous conclusions when I survey other women.

But do your actions and thoughts please God?

I notice that a lot of these discussions are more focused on pleasing the spouse or pointing the finger at the insecure spouse. But it's not about the spouse or what you can or can't get away with...it's about you and your relationship with God.

I agree with several points that you made. But not all men/women are alike.
Everyone has different limits and God convicts us when we open the door to sin in our lives. Whether we listen to God or not is up to us.

Personally, I know many people who forget that GOD knows EVERYTHING...
he knows their hearts and every thought that crosses their mind. And their
"hidden" secrets/sins WILL come between them and God...regardless if
their wives find out or not.

I believe it's possible to look and not lust, but I'm not arguing that.
But it is possible to lust and tell yourself that you really aren't. Our hearts are VERY deceitful. It is possible for us to convince ourselves that something is no big deal when it really is.Even Adam and Eve feel into sin when the questioned what God had said. So when you feel yourself thinking, "Well...did God really say that" then you know you're heading in the wrong direction.

So it's important to focus most of our attention on God and what is
pleasing to him...and not rely on our on fleshy wisdom or what "insecure" wives/husbands are thinking. Is easy to dismiss something our spouses say but I think that it is dangerous to hardened our conscious IF and when God is trying to convict us of something.

We are supposed to love and respect our spouses but God is supposed to be #1 in our lives. And if we truly love him we will make sure that our actions, thoughts, and words please him.

 

[hygienemom]

But do your actions and thoughts please God?

I notice that a lot of these discussions are more focused on pleasing the spouse or pointing the finger at the insecure spouse. But it's not about the spouse or what you can or can't get away with...it's about you and your relationship with God.

I agree with several points that you made. But not all men/women are alike.
Everyone has different limits and God convicts us when we open the door to sin in our lives. Whether we listen to God or not is up to us.

Personally, I know many people who forget that GOD knows EVERYTHING...
he knows their hearts and every thought that crosses their mind. And their
"hidden" secrets/sins WILL come between them and God...regardless if
their wives find out or not.

I believe it's possible to look and not lust, but I'm not arguing that.
But it is possible to lust and tell yourself that you really aren't. Our hearts are VERY deceitful. It is possible for us to convince ourselves that something is no big deal when it really is.Even Adam and Eve feel into sin when the questioned what God had said. So when you feel yourself thinking, "Well...did God really say that" then you know you're heading in the wrong direction.

So it's important to focus most of our attention on God and what is
pleasing to him...and not rely on our on fleshy wisdom or what "insecure" wives/husbands are thinking. Is easy to dismiss something our spouses say but I think that it is dangerous to hardened our conscious IF and when God is trying to convict us of something.

We are supposed to love and respect our spouses but God is supposed to be #1 in our lives. And if we truly love him we will make sure that our actions, thoughts, and words please him.

 

[Soft Rains]

But do your actions and thoughts please God?

Yes, God delights in me.