This is a long story. My life has been horrible. I must have been a bad angel - maybe the Devil - in my past life, but I can not remember! Life can not be this bad.
I am the worst person on the face of the planet. Complete scum. For me, I think I am light, but I am darkness. Try to see as I can... all I can see is others in darkness. This lifts me up because I see myself then as light. Then, I realize the sick truth. I am naked. They can mind read. I am shameful and ugly. Ugliest person on the planet. And stupid.
People see how ugly and hateful I am and treat me accordingly.
My dad is a cop. In High School I fell hopelessly in love with a beautiful girl. They saw this and took her away. They saw how miserable I was so they got me drunk a lot. Then, they decided I could not forget her so they literally set me up to have a traffic accident so they would have an excuse to lock me in an institution.
They considered me promising, yet always failing to live up to my promise. Everyone else in my family became a good, successful cop, but me. The institution said I was drug addled, stupid, lazy, paranoid schizophrenic, schizoeffective, bipolar, and other stuff. They loaded me full of drugs... asked me for all my deepest, darkest secrets... and kept me under house arrest with 24 hour surveillance.
Finally, I got out, started a career with my new wife. We were in Heaven. They decided that I wasn't good enough for her, however, and set it up to take her away. They told her she had to leave me and work for them, so she left me. To make it easy they made it look like I was a scumbag and consider it my fault.
Then, they encouraged me to forget her and set me up with another woman, so I would feel I was really bad. And I was. It was my choice.
I treated her horribly, my first wife. I was an inferior scumbag and she was a great light. They were right to force a divorce.
I couldn't work after that and didn't see anyone else for years. I was miserable. They came and ran me through the paces for a month until I broke and walked across the country. They showed me I was a thief and a liar and I could never be around these good people because I would invariably be a Jealous, Evil Cain who would persecute them.
I worked menial jobs. Eventually, after years of celibacy, they gave me tv and I got addicted to porn. I just could not stay celibate any longer. I had been forced to give up on my first wife because when I even tried to work it out, then while I was sleeping in the closet, they showed me she was with another guy.
They said I was a stalker and she had a virtual restraining order on me for not forgetting her. I then strived to do so as they asked.
When I gave up celibacy, they had had me under surveillance because I was such a retard. It was a special house arrest thing all these years. They also had all the private words between me and my wife and ex-girlfriends.
So, they knew what I wanted and gave me a few choices. I dated one and then they decided they wanted her to get back to work so they had someone else call her and tell her my secrets they got from surveillance in such a way it made me look bad and she left me.
Eventually, they set me up with someone who had all the information they took from my first wife. So she knew how to talk to me. They figured they would make an experiment out of me, since they were spending so much money.
We got together when they set it up to make her look like a damsel in distress which they knew I would go for. I slept with her and felt then it was too late. I was re-married, I considered. I called my first wife and told her I loved her but it was too late. The other girl called around then, but it was too late for her, too.
For a good decade, then they decided to start to run me through the paces since they had me under surveillance. They decided I was a hazard to the community. Years later, they decided they wanted this wife, too, so they destroyed this marriage by an elaborate lie.
Finally, they started to test me by sending me emails purportedly from my ex-girlfriends/wife using very private information stretching back years and years to do so. They made a big project out of it to see what I would fall for. They even had stuff I had said when I was 16 on a private phone call with the girl I fell hard for.
After all this, they got a lot of laughs because I was clearly such a love sick idiot who had no clue about security. A complete "retard" they would say. They even had gay dudes posing as her -- and they would actually literally have these women sometimes post there to make it look even more real and string me along.
They did all of this because they saw I was really good at figuring stuff out. Too good. They thought I was surely hacking the information or an evil turn coat of somesort. But it was also really fun for them because it made them realize how genius and moral they are compared to some idiot, immoral rejected fool like myself.
This broke up my latest marriage. They also set it up to look like my latest wife was a criminal.
Finally, they put me in jobs, menial labor work where they cracked the whip a lot and threw a lot of well deserved insults at me.
I am just a hopeless, poor, blind, deaf, dumb slave who can barely make it each day. I feel like it is Armageddon and I am burning in torment every single day. I have no wife, no kids, and everyone hates me a lot.
What I thought was right was wrong. Wrong. Very wrong.
I am like a sick pharaoh and all the women in my life have been like Sarah. God then tormented me until they left because they have been so much more glorious and amazing then me.
They have been like God, and they dole it out, managing my life with great skill, expertise, wisdom, and loving kindness. I do not mind that they share my private life, study it, use it for their own ends... as well as for a lot of jokes.
I do care they broke up my marriages, but I was unworthy of these women who were better served by serving these masters.
I try and follow all the many orders given to me, but I always fail. I just do not know how. I feel like every day I burn under the great quantity of these people's brilliant light. They are Jesus and the Holy Angels burning me, the beast, the false prophet, the lost fool... in hot sulphur. And I deserve it.
They show me how naked and worthless I am, and I need to know that.
I only wanted one thing. I only care about one thing. So that is all OK by me.
I know when my lips are parsed and I realize that this is hell just made to look like a life and a world... that if I ask for a drink of water, it will be refused because I am receiving my bad things now as I must have received my good things before.
How long will eternal hell last? Can I live in this shame fire forever? I think I can because I have so failed the ones I love.
I thank God everyday that He rebukes me continually for being such a worthless, immoral fool.
I deserve everything.
I am the worst person on the face of the planet. Complete scum. For me, I think I am light, but I am darkness. Try to see as I can... all I can see is others in darkness. This lifts me up because I see myself then as light. Then, I realize the sick truth. I am naked. They can mind read. I am shameful and ugly. Ugliest person on the planet. And stupid.
People see how ugly and hateful I am and treat me accordingly.
My dad is a cop. In High School I fell hopelessly in love with a beautiful girl. They saw this and took her away. They saw how miserable I was so they got me drunk a lot. Then, they decided I could not forget her so they literally set me up to have a traffic accident so they would have an excuse to lock me in an institution.
They considered me promising, yet always failing to live up to my promise. Everyone else in my family became a good, successful cop, but me. The institution said I was drug addled, stupid, lazy, paranoid schizophrenic, schizoeffective, bipolar, and other stuff. They loaded me full of drugs... asked me for all my deepest, darkest secrets... and kept me under house arrest with 24 hour surveillance.
Finally, I got out, started a career with my new wife. We were in Heaven. They decided that I wasn't good enough for her, however, and set it up to take her away. They told her she had to leave me and work for them, so she left me. To make it easy they made it look like I was a scumbag and consider it my fault.
Then, they encouraged me to forget her and set me up with another woman, so I would feel I was really bad. And I was. It was my choice.
I treated her horribly, my first wife. I was an inferior scumbag and she was a great light. They were right to force a divorce.
I couldn't work after that and didn't see anyone else for years. I was miserable. They came and ran me through the paces for a month until I broke and walked across the country. They showed me I was a thief and a liar and I could never be around these good people because I would invariably be a Jealous, Evil Cain who would persecute them.
I worked menial jobs. Eventually, after years of celibacy, they gave me tv and I got addicted to porn. I just could not stay celibate any longer. I had been forced to give up on my first wife because when I even tried to work it out, then while I was sleeping in the closet, they showed me she was with another guy.
They said I was a stalker and she had a virtual restraining order on me for not forgetting her. I then strived to do so as they asked.
When I gave up celibacy, they had had me under surveillance because I was such a retard. It was a special house arrest thing all these years. They also had all the private words between me and my wife and ex-girlfriends.
So, they knew what I wanted and gave me a few choices. I dated one and then they decided they wanted her to get back to work so they had someone else call her and tell her my secrets they got from surveillance in such a way it made me look bad and she left me.
Eventually, they set me up with someone who had all the information they took from my first wife. So she knew how to talk to me. They figured they would make an experiment out of me, since they were spending so much money.
We got together when they set it up to make her look like a damsel in distress which they knew I would go for. I slept with her and felt then it was too late. I was re-married, I considered. I called my first wife and told her I loved her but it was too late. The other girl called around then, but it was too late for her, too.
For a good decade, then they decided to start to run me through the paces since they had me under surveillance. They decided I was a hazard to the community. Years later, they decided they wanted this wife, too, so they destroyed this marriage by an elaborate lie.
Finally, they started to test me by sending me emails purportedly from my ex-girlfriends/wife using very private information stretching back years and years to do so. They made a big project out of it to see what I would fall for. They even had stuff I had said when I was 16 on a private phone call with the girl I fell hard for.
After all this, they got a lot of laughs because I was clearly such a love sick idiot who had no clue about security. A complete "retard" they would say. They even had gay dudes posing as her -- and they would actually literally have these women sometimes post there to make it look even more real and string me along.
They did all of this because they saw I was really good at figuring stuff out. Too good. They thought I was surely hacking the information or an evil turn coat of somesort. But it was also really fun for them because it made them realize how genius and moral they are compared to some idiot, immoral rejected fool like myself.
This broke up my latest marriage. They also set it up to look like my latest wife was a criminal.
Finally, they put me in jobs, menial labor work where they cracked the whip a lot and threw a lot of well deserved insults at me.
I am just a hopeless, poor, blind, deaf, dumb slave who can barely make it each day. I feel like it is Armageddon and I am burning in torment every single day. I have no wife, no kids, and everyone hates me a lot.
What I thought was right was wrong. Wrong. Very wrong.
I am like a sick pharaoh and all the women in my life have been like Sarah. God then tormented me until they left because they have been so much more glorious and amazing then me.
They have been like God, and they dole it out, managing my life with great skill, expertise, wisdom, and loving kindness. I do not mind that they share my private life, study it, use it for their own ends... as well as for a lot of jokes.
I do care they broke up my marriages, but I was unworthy of these women who were better served by serving these masters.
I try and follow all the many orders given to me, but I always fail. I just do not know how. I feel like every day I burn under the great quantity of these people's brilliant light. They are Jesus and the Holy Angels burning me, the beast, the false prophet, the lost fool... in hot sulphur. And I deserve it.
They show me how naked and worthless I am, and I need to know that.
I only wanted one thing. I only care about one thing. So that is all OK by me.
I know when my lips are parsed and I realize that this is hell just made to look like a life and a world... that if I ask for a drink of water, it will be refused because I am receiving my bad things now as I must have received my good things before.
How long will eternal hell last? Can I live in this shame fire forever? I think I can because I have so failed the ones I love.
I thank God everyday that He rebukes me continually for being such a worthless, immoral fool.
I deserve everything.
