Am I in a state of mortal sin?

[Lilmissykato]

I did something wrong and I'm not sure if its sin, and if it is if its mortal sin. Since none of you know me I'm asking you. (Yes, I am catholic)

I am in college and one of my close friends I happen to have a crush on. Well we got into a big fight recently and made up today. So we went out because I needed to buy a few things and he has a car, then we came back to my room. I dont like being alone at night and my roomate is gone so he came over for a little bit. Well after awhile we ended up in my bed watching TV (i dont have a couch or anything) and he was laying in my lap, I was rubbing his shoulder circling down his chest abd back up. I never got to his tummy, thus never got lower. We weren't talking sexual, I wasn't touching his privet areas neither was he, but he still came. I didn't notice at first, but he got all tense for a moment then relaxed. A few moments later I notced a wet mark appearing, and naturally asking what was up.

I knew I shouldn't have had him in my lap giving him a shoulder/chest rub, but I never expected that. I didn't even think you could get off without touching it. So is that sin? is it mortal sin?

What do I do?

 

[reneeville]

I don't know; however, I'm thinking that you may want to speak to your priest anyway. Make the confession... he'll counsel you. God bless you for having the courage to speak up!!

I did something wrong and I'm not sure if its sin, and if it is if its mortal sin. Since none of you know me I'm asking you. (Yes, I am catholic)

I am in college and one of my close friends I happen to have a crush on. Well we got into a big fight recently and made up today. So we went out because I needed to buy a few things and he has a car, then we came back to my room. I dont like being alone at night and my roomate is gone so he came over for a little bit. Well after awhile we ended up in my bed watching TV (i dont have a couch or anything) and he was laying in my lap, I was rubbing his shoulder circling down his chest abd back up. I never got to his tummy, thus never got lower. We weren't talking sexual, I wasn't touching his privet areas neither was he, but he still came. I didn't notice at first, but he got all tense for a moment then relaxed. A few moments later I notced a wet mark appearing, and naturally asking what was up.

I knew I shouldn't have had him in my lap giving him a shoulder/chest rub, but I never expected that. I didn't even think you could get off without touching it. So is that sin? is it mortal sin?

What do I do?

 

[Annolennar]

I did something wrong and I'm not sure if its sin, and if it is if its mortal sin. Since none of you know me I'm asking you. (Yes, I am catholic)

I am in college and one of my close friends I happen to have a crush on. Well we got into a big fight recently and made up today. So we went out because I needed to buy a few things and he has a car, then we came back to my room. I dont like being alone at night and my roomate is gone so he came over for a little bit. Well after awhile we ended up in my bed watching TV (i dont have a couch or anything) and he was laying in my lap, I was rubbing his shoulder circling down his chest abd back up. I never got to his tummy, thus never got lower. We weren't talking sexual, I wasn't touching his privet areas neither was he, but he still came. I didn't notice at first, but he got all tense for a moment then relaxed. A few moments later I notced a wet mark appearing, and naturally asking what was up.

I knew I shouldn't have had him in my lap giving him a shoulder/chest rub, but I never expected that. I didn't even think you could get off without touching it. So is that sin? is it mortal sin?

What do I do?

No need to worry too much about it being a mortal sin; part of the requirement for something to be a mortal sin is that you have to know that it is a mortal sin and have to willingly make the decision to commit it.

However, if it is something that weighs on your conscience, go ahead and confess it. Thats what the sacrament of reconciliation is for: healing.

And I wouldn't repeat that situation in the future, since we know what the result is.

God bless.

 

[MikeK]

The above is correct - you can't accidentaly commit a mortal sin.

Man, that guy had to be embarassed!

 

[JacktheCatholic]

The above is correct - you can't accidentaly commit a mortal sin.

Man, that guy had to be embarassed!

But now that you know it is sin try not to place yourself in a similiar situation again.

 

[Mom2Alex]

I did something wrong and I'm not sure if its sin, and if it is if its mortal sin. Since none of you know me I'm asking you. (Yes, I am catholic)

I am in college and one of my close friends I happen to have a crush on. Well we got into a big fight recently and made up today. So we went out because I needed to buy a few things and he has a car, then we came back to my room. I dont like being alone at night and my roomate is gone so he came over for a little bit. Well after awhile we ended up in my bed watching TV (i dont have a couch or anything) and he was laying in my lap, I was rubbing his shoulder circling down his chest abd back up. I never got to his tummy, thus never got lower. We weren't talking sexual, I wasn't touching his privet areas neither was he, but he still came. I didn't notice at first, but he got all tense for a moment then relaxed. A few moments later I notced a wet mark appearing, and naturally asking what was up.

I knew I shouldn't have had him in my lap giving him a shoulder/chest rub, but I never expected that. I didn't even think you could get off without touching it. So is that sin? is it mortal sin?

What do I do?

Hello

You need to go to confession as this is obviously weighing on your mind and conscience.

The fact that he climaxed is not what the sin hinges upon - I think this sentence you said says it all:

"I knew I shouldn't have had him in my lap giving him a shoulder/chest rub, but ..."

If you were doing something you knew you shouldn't have, it sure sounds like your conscience was talking to you loud and clear yet you continued anyway. Allowing yourself to be in the position where you have the opportunity for sin or leading another to an occasion of sin is not good.

Here are a couple of websites to help you with such issues and to help examine your conscience (which seems to be working fine! ). I use this examination of conscience regularly :


Pure Love Club - How far is too far?
Examination of Conscience for Adults

Don't beat yourself up over this - you certainly learned a lot more about young men than you knew before . If you are embarrassed about telling the priest what happened, generic terms will do the job just fine and he certainly hears sins like this a zillion times. He doesn't need to know the details, just that you touched a man in a way that was inappropriate for unmarried persons would suffice.

God bless you! Most (I would guess 99.999%) of us have been in similar situations and understand how difficult it is to know where to draw the line.

Kelly

 

[MikeK]

you touched a man in a way that was inappropriate for unmarried persons

I don't believe she did. Touching an a manner (any manner) that is intended to arrouse or stimulate one or more partners would be inappropriate. Hand holding is not inappropriate by nature, but it could be if the intent was to arrouse. So it is with chest rubs (on a male, of course), backrubs, etc. the OP did not touch this man in an inappropriate way - though knowing what she knows now, doing so again would be inappropriate.

 

[Mom2Alex]

Mike, she said she knew it was wrong to have him on her lap, yet she proceeded anyway. This is clearly bothering her enough to ask in a forum what she should do. I gave her my advice and links to Catholic websites with helpful information. As nearly always, you and I will just have to disagree.

Peace~!

Kelly

P.S. If it is not inappropriate, do you allow your wife to do the same thing to other men? If you are living chaste, you are living chaste - period. Lying in laps and rubbing chests is for a marital relationship - according to Catholic teachings and 99% of other Christian denominations as well.

 

[MikeK]

P.S. If it is not inappropriate, do you allow your wife to do the same thing to other men? If you are living chaste, you are living chaste - period. Lying in laps and rubbing chests is for a marital relationship - according to Catholic teachings and 99% of other Christian denominations as well.

My wife is allowed to do as she pleases.

Show me the Catholic teaching that says very specifically that "Lying in laps and rubbing chests is for a marital relationship". I kinda think you're making it up.

 

[Mom2Alex]

Yes, I know you think I am making it up. Which is in and of itself, quite sad. Peace be with you, Mike.

 

[MikeK]

Yes, I know you think I am making it up. Which is in and of itself, quite sad. Peace be with you, Mike.

I'd be at greater peace if you came forward with that specific teaching, and if you'd answer the OP's question as to wheather she's in a state of mortal sin.

 

[Filia Mariae]

P.S. If it is not inappropriate, do you allow your wife to do the same thing to other men?

I don't think the question is valid. Presumably Mike would not like his wife to kiss another man on the lips, even briefly. Yet I would say that those kind of kisses are perfectly appropriate for a dating couple. Likewise, Mike would doubtless not be thrilled about his wife walking around holding hands with another man, but that doesn't mean its inappropriate for an unmarried couple.

To the OP- I would say no, you did not commit a mortal sin, but learned a valuable lesson about men and sex and not pushing the limits of "too far."

 

[SolomonVII]

This girl has got to be a real hottie to have that kind of effect.

 

[JacktheCatholic]

This girl has got to be a real hottie to have that kind of effect.

This is inappropriate. Shame

 

[MikeK]

I don't think the question is valid. Presumably Mike would not like his wife to kiss another man on the lips, even briefly. Yet I would say that those kind of kisses are perfectly appropriate for a dating couple. Likewise, Mike would doubtless not be thrilled about his wife walking around holding hands with another man, but that doesn't mean its inappropriate for an unmarried couple.

Spot-on, Filia. I would let my wife do as she pleased. Some choices might not please me. Furthermore, not every scenerio that my wife might enter into with another man while we are married would be wrong if she were unmarried and that man were courting her.

 

[Mom2Alex]

We are to live chaste lives as married or unmarried couples. Rubbing a young man's chest while he lies upon your lap is CLEARLY and INDISPUTABLY sexually arousing. The OP was not discussing kissing. I did not chastise this young lady - I provided her with links to CATHOLIC teachings and information. Do consult an examination of conscience and the teachings of the Church - ie: Theology of the Body and you will find that Catholic theology supports my statements.

Clearly, we will not agree on this subject. I suggest we move the discussion to another thread and let this young lady's thread be. She can discuss the issue with her priest and should seek his guidance if she has further questions.

Thanks.

 

[MikeK]

We are to live chaste lives as married or unmarried couples. Rubbing a young man's chest while he lies upon your lap is CLEARLY and INDISPUTABLY sexually arousing. The OP was not discussing kissing. I did not chastise this young lady - I provided her with links to CATHOLIC teachings and information. Do consult an examination of conscience and the teachings of the Church - ie: Theology of the Body and you will find that Catholic theology supports my statements.

I do an examination of conscious quite frequently and I'm very familiar with TOB.

It is absolutely not clear or indisputable that "Rubbing a young man's chest while he lies upon your lap" is "sexually arrousing". I would not be likely to find that arrousing if I were the young man.

Are you still ignoring the question asked by the OP and still rejecting my request for a source to back up your claims?

 

[JacktheCatholic]

I have to agree with Mom2Alex on this.

For a man to lay in the lap of a gal and be rubbed all over the chest, that is very personal and obviously the male friend felt the same way. Chaste does not cover that one.

 

[JacktheCatholic]

Spot-on, Filia. I would let my wife do as she pleased. some choices might not please me. Further more, not every scenerio that my wife might enter into with another man while we are married would be wrong if she were unmarried and that man were courting her.

What about reversing the tables? Another man with your wife in his lap and her chest being rubbed? After all we can debate that the man is not being "sexual".

 

[MikeK]

What about reversing the tables? Another man with your wife in his lap and her chest being rubbed? After all we can debate that the man is not being "sexual".

As Filia clearly said, and I very clearly agreed with, not every behavior that a married person ought not engage in with another person is necesarily wrong for an unmarried couple to engage in together. Keep up, Jack.