- May 5, 2018
- 1
- 2
- 23
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
Recently, well really just a few days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. This was my first serious relationship. Before our relationship, we were decently good friends. I had feelings for him all of the last school year and the summer. Never did anything about and I never expected to end up in a relationship with him. That summer, I was not in a good place. I prayed every day and every night for God to send me someone who would be there for me and who I could be there for them. A person I could listen to and who listen to me where we could just truly be ourselves with each other without care. Someone who would make life a bit brighter and worth living for. And I thought God answered my prayers. Because this school year, at the beginning we became closer. We talked about all of our issues, everything we wanted to confess because we were ashamed. It was wonderful. I've done a few things that have caused me to hate myself and to be disgusted with myself. And I told him all of it, and he wasn't disgusted or hateful to me. He told me that he had been in the same situation and that things would get better. I opened all of myself to him.
This was the happiest I have ever been. People who had known me for years told me that they have never seen me smile that much and that whatever was going on must be a blessing. In the beginning, our relationship was amazing and new. I prayed to God and told him how thankful and grateful I was for him for sending this indescribable person to me.
Over the past month or so, something was different in our relationship. He was distant. When he was with me, it felt like he wasn't there. His touch was off too. It wasn't as caring as it used to be. To me, it felt like it was more of a chore. I was miserable that month. I thought I did something wrong or that I was failing in some way. I cried and was hurting. He noticed and asked what was wrong, but I told him it was nothing. He would pull me close and just hold me and everything was better.
I planned on talking to him about. I never got chance. That day I thought we were getting better. Our conversation was good, better than it had been in a long time. It was just minuted before the lunch bell rang, he told me he had to tell me something and that I wouldn't be happy. He told me, we should break up. I didn't understand him at first because he spoke too fast. But he repeated it. He gave a rushed explanation that he wasn't in a good place and that he was feeling very insecure about himself and that if we continued on we would just spiral into a mess. The bell had already rung, and I had no time to respond, I just told him that we have to sit down and talk about this, but he said there really wasn't any time.
I wanted to break down and cry. I checked out right after. I prayed. It was all I could do. I prayed and begged God to help me understand. To make me understand why without becoming angry and hateful towards him. I'm not angry with him. Not at all. I love him. He's or was my world. I cannot get rid of these feelings. I texted him and told him that I understood, I asked him to not shut me out, that we could be friends, and that I would be there for him no matter what happened.
He told me we could still be friends and told me his heart just wasn't in our relationship right now. I told him, that if this was what he truly wanted then I would understand and that I wasn't angry with him, I told him that I would pray for him and ask God to help him with whatever was going on.
We haven't really spoken much. Only had short exchanges about everything else except the breakup. I miss him, but I know that I can't change his heart. I'm still hurting. It feels like I have this gaping hole in my chest. No one has ever brought me my knees crying, but he did. I don't understand why I'm letting him affect me so much. He's not doing too great either. His smiles and voice are too forced. He's trying too hard to be himself again.
I texted him and asked if he was okay; I asked him to give me an honest answer. He told me was doing pretty good, but that he could tell people were trying to swoop in. I didn't reply back, but he asked how I was doing. I might have been too open, but he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I told him we could talk and that talking was good. We never talked. I texted him and asked if we were ever going to talk. He never replied.
I still see him throughout the week we have classes together and in both, we sit right next to each other. I'm the president of a club, and he's my vice president. We are unable to completely avoid each other in our lives. He does not know I how I feel about him. Some people have told me that I should get even, that I should hate him. But I don't. God tells us to love everyone and to never curse them.
I wish I did not love him. He doesn't know. Never will. I know its selfish and wrong, but I want him to realize he made a mistake and come back. But it is not right, this was necessary for us both. I'm trying to do this as God wants me too. Everything hurts. I'm different. I'm more reckless, more cynical, silent, and empty. I need advice and prayers.
Am I doing this right? Is it wrong for me to want to be friends with him? Just how can I get through this without hurting him? Please, anything. I'd rather have him as my friend than to lose him entirely. I want him to be happy, and if it hurts me, its okay.
This was the happiest I have ever been. People who had known me for years told me that they have never seen me smile that much and that whatever was going on must be a blessing. In the beginning, our relationship was amazing and new. I prayed to God and told him how thankful and grateful I was for him for sending this indescribable person to me.
Over the past month or so, something was different in our relationship. He was distant. When he was with me, it felt like he wasn't there. His touch was off too. It wasn't as caring as it used to be. To me, it felt like it was more of a chore. I was miserable that month. I thought I did something wrong or that I was failing in some way. I cried and was hurting. He noticed and asked what was wrong, but I told him it was nothing. He would pull me close and just hold me and everything was better.
I planned on talking to him about. I never got chance. That day I thought we were getting better. Our conversation was good, better than it had been in a long time. It was just minuted before the lunch bell rang, he told me he had to tell me something and that I wouldn't be happy. He told me, we should break up. I didn't understand him at first because he spoke too fast. But he repeated it. He gave a rushed explanation that he wasn't in a good place and that he was feeling very insecure about himself and that if we continued on we would just spiral into a mess. The bell had already rung, and I had no time to respond, I just told him that we have to sit down and talk about this, but he said there really wasn't any time.
I wanted to break down and cry. I checked out right after. I prayed. It was all I could do. I prayed and begged God to help me understand. To make me understand why without becoming angry and hateful towards him. I'm not angry with him. Not at all. I love him. He's or was my world. I cannot get rid of these feelings. I texted him and told him that I understood, I asked him to not shut me out, that we could be friends, and that I would be there for him no matter what happened.
He told me we could still be friends and told me his heart just wasn't in our relationship right now. I told him, that if this was what he truly wanted then I would understand and that I wasn't angry with him, I told him that I would pray for him and ask God to help him with whatever was going on.
We haven't really spoken much. Only had short exchanges about everything else except the breakup. I miss him, but I know that I can't change his heart. I'm still hurting. It feels like I have this gaping hole in my chest. No one has ever brought me my knees crying, but he did. I don't understand why I'm letting him affect me so much. He's not doing too great either. His smiles and voice are too forced. He's trying too hard to be himself again.
I texted him and asked if he was okay; I asked him to give me an honest answer. He told me was doing pretty good, but that he could tell people were trying to swoop in. I didn't reply back, but he asked how I was doing. I might have been too open, but he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I told him we could talk and that talking was good. We never talked. I texted him and asked if we were ever going to talk. He never replied.
I still see him throughout the week we have classes together and in both, we sit right next to each other. I'm the president of a club, and he's my vice president. We are unable to completely avoid each other in our lives. He does not know I how I feel about him. Some people have told me that I should get even, that I should hate him. But I don't. God tells us to love everyone and to never curse them.
I wish I did not love him. He doesn't know. Never will. I know its selfish and wrong, but I want him to realize he made a mistake and come back. But it is not right, this was necessary for us both. I'm trying to do this as God wants me too. Everything hurts. I'm different. I'm more reckless, more cynical, silent, and empty. I need advice and prayers.
Am I doing this right? Is it wrong for me to want to be friends with him? Just how can I get through this without hurting him? Please, anything. I'd rather have him as my friend than to lose him entirely. I want him to be happy, and if it hurts me, its okay.
