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Am I Doing the Right Thing?

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by anewday, Dec 18, 2019.

  1. anewday

    anewday This girl is on fire.

    +606
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    It's been a long time since I posted on here. Things have been going pretty well between hubby and I...or so I thought...my gut told me to check his phone tonight...found that he had been corresponding with someone for the past month to meet up with them. These meetings seemed like they never occurred based on the texts, but it still freaked me out. All I could think of was...here we go again...since he was corresponding with others several years ago behind my back. I confronted him about it and he said he never met with this person. He told me in the past and again now that he has never met with anyone in person. My gut tells me to believe him and so I am. We had a long discussion about us tonight and things seem to be resolved. My question is, should I believe him? Do I just let this go and pray that he can overcome the issues he has with this to seek approval from complete strangers? I know this is vague but that's all I want to say about the situation for now. Prayers appreciated for us, and for him due to issues he has surrounding this. Thank you.
     
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  2. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +15,540
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Keep praying; sorry to learn this. Don't follow secular advice...
     
  3. anewday

    anewday This girl is on fire.

    +606
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Thank you, I will. I'm a rebel and usually don't follow secular advice anyways.
     
  4. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +1,186
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I'm sorry about this situation. If his behavior continues on it will only waste more years of your life with doubt and pain.

    Your husband is to leave all others and cleave to you - and you only. He is clearly not doing so and would be in the category of someone who is seeking opportunities to cheat (serial cheater) rather than someone who accidentally fell into an affair not intending to. There is a big difference in how you can continue on in a marriage in the one condition vs the other.

    I would strongly suspect there is much more going on that you are aware of. I would recommend that you quietly dig around (without alerting him) for more information on his behaviors. Once you find more information, DON'T tell him what you know and go post on marriagebuilders.com's forums. Dr. Harley (founder of Marriagebuilders.com) has developed the most likely method to restore marriages who experience infidelity based on his study what has worked for 10,000's of couples throughout his life's work. The site and forum is free.

    In fact, if you want coaching and tips on how to uncover what your husband might really be up to, I would post what you wrote here over on that forum. Your next job - finding out what is the real truth in your life - is not an easy task, and it's not for the weak. But then, staying in a long term relationship with your husband having the behaviors of a serial cheat isn't either.

    I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

    ((((Hugs))))
    E.
     
  5. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +1,186
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    But this trust in him is in defiance of reality, which is you can't believe him because he is already deceiving you.

    It's easier today to believe him, but it's much harder in the long run to have a 2nd discovery day. Second discovery days are even more wrenching than the first. Most marriages don't survive a 2nd discovery because now all basis for hope is lost - the spouse seems SO believable when they are SO deceitful.
     
  6. anewday

    anewday This girl is on fire.

    +606
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Oh, I've done a lot of digging around the past few days...on his phone and computer, since he's given me access to both...found nothing yet. Thank you for your thoughts on all this...
     
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